Discussion What dreams have you given up on?

[Ringo]

There are long-term and short-term goals, some more impossible than others, especially for those of us who end up here. Facing what will probably be my last year of life, I was rambling about all the dreams I had to give up and those I resigned myself to take to the grave with me. Many of us were forced to bury our dreams, feel free to share them in this thread.

I originally wanted to study veterinary medicine, since I was a child I loved animals and the kittens I adopted were victims of abuse, it broke my heart not being able to do anything for them at the time and I wanted to do my best to protect them and help them heal, but my parents did not allow me to opt for that career. I had to give up music when I moved in with my father, as I had to leave my instruments behind. I looked for alternatives but I could not continue composing or arranging. I miss my kitties and hate not being able to take care of them until the end... And see my little siblings grow up, will they be happy? Will they achieve what they set out to do? Will they need me in the future? I will never know and I could never be as good a support for them as my older siblings were for me.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I got out of the hospital 10 months ago, and I had started over in my life entirely. I had found out I have Bipolar and I already knew I had Autism. So with this newfound knowledge I went on a quest to find something in life that I'm passionate about. I tried everything, mathematics - creative writing. Nothing worked out for me. The biggest dream I gave up on was drawing and sculpting. My friend keeps telling me it's a skill I can learn, but I just cannot draw anything and I have no imagination. I don't think that part will change with practice. Some people can just draw and draw amazing things from their imaginations. I can't. So that hurt like heck because I wanted to be able to do that. Not being able to do anything with my life is honestly the real reason I'm ctbing.

 

[TheHolySword]

being happy

 

[ma0]

When I was younger I really wanted to be an actor on broadway and that type of stuff.

How fucking stupid.

 

[Oliver]

When I was younger I really wanted to be an actor on broadway and that type of stuff.

How fucking stupid.

Haha same.

I still want to be famous though and escape this fucking poverty hell-hole.
Pretty much everything. I still want to be economically independent, but it's basically impossible in this fucking economy. I fucking hate being poor.

 

[particularrodent]

I got out of the hospital 10 months ago, and I had started over in my life entirely. I had found out I have Bipolar and I already knew I had Autism. So with this newfound knowledge I went on a quest to find something in life that I'm passionate about. I tried everything, mathematics - creative writing. Nothing worked out for me. The biggest dream I gave up on was drawing and sculpting. My friend keeps telling me it's a skill I can learn, but I just cannot draw anything and I have no imagination. I don't think that part will change with practice. Some people can just draw and draw amazing things from their imaginations. I can't. So that hurt like heck because I wanted to be able to do that. Not being able to do anything with my life is honestly the real reason I'm ctbing.

i wanted to be an artist too. design clothes and characters. i simply loved the idea of using motifs to make something entirely new. i wanted to draw what others had made and have others draw what i made. i wanted to make things that hadnt been thought of before and inspire the same awe in others that others inspire in me.

i also wanted to sing, but in the way that i "thought it was the only thing i was good at" or meant to do, so i gave up on art, because it was "too hard" (and i obviously wasnt born in asia or japan. art isnt created in a vacuum after all, and all the resources are only there) but then that was taken from me too.

and it's not like im actually creative, either. too autistic as a kid to understand that the adults around me were complimenting me to make me not feel bad, not because i was actually good at anything. so i assumed improvement was automatic instead of something you have to work at. now the time i had to grow and improve are far far over

what a lousy world, where some get chosen, most get by, and then there's those left behind

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I never had any dreams in the first place. There was never anything in life that I voluntarily wanted to do

 

[Arrival03]

Wanted to be a musician, but I've accepted that I'll never be talented enough to do it.

 

[crayonscrayons]

I got out of the hospital 10 months ago, and I had started over in my life entirely. I had found out I have Bipolar and I already knew I had Autism. So with this newfound knowledge I went on a quest to find something in life that I'm passionate about. I tried everything, mathematics - creative writing. Nothing worked out for me. The biggest dream I gave up on was drawing and sculpting. My friend keeps telling me it's a skill I can learn, but I just cannot draw anything and I have no imagination. I don't think that part will change with practice. Some people can just draw and draw amazing things from their imaginations. I can't. So that hurt like heck because I wanted to be able to do that. Not being able to do anything with my life is honestly the real reason I'm ctbing.

are you on meds for bipolar? i'm on no meds, and I blame bipolar for giving me longer and scarier bouts of artblock every year since I got symptoms.
some people say that meds kill their creativity. in which case, they most likely need a med change

 

[FindingVeritas]

Gave up on my dreams of medical school & becoming a medical examiner when I learned my disease would take my hands. Gave up on my dreams of acting. Ive given up on ever publishing my poetry. I've given up on finding or even deserving love. I've given up on getting better-- of ever feeling better outside of mania.

 

[Dead Horse]

Finding love and being happy although a little hope will unfortunately remain for as long as I exist.

 

[SadBishop]

I wanted to be a writer but now whenever I try write something it's like my thoughts get blocked and I'm unable to keep it going and even when I do, it isn't good and I just discard it.

I also wanted to start a family one day but I'd be a horrible partner and an even worse parent.

 

[Lost Magic]

I just gave up on the desire to care as much about stuff as I used to. I am beyond tired and broken. I still dream, but they are while I am asleep. Those are the best ones.

 

[noname223]

Being the member with the most posts on Sanctioned Suicide. I simply don't have it in me. I can never compete with this high output. The only chance would be the game section but I simply despise that.

 

[greebo6]

Not being so ugly
Not being so lonely
Being in love and having it reciprocated
Having a nice place to live
Being happy and healthy
Yep...…just about everything...

 

[BlendedHeart]

I wanted to be a fiction writer. I guess I still have time, but all this AI bullcrap is going to kill human creativity, so why bother.

I wanted to be married at this point too, but that will never happen either.

 

[zulu123]

Becoming a pilot. Had a chance until I was diagnosed with bipolar. Now it is not possible unfortunately. Thankfully I can still work with planes without flying them :)

 

[Lullaby]

For me, I think being a wife and a mother.

 

[NeverHis]

Well it depends.... The realistic ones or the unrealistic ones?
I mean, I always wanted to be a singer, but I knew since I started kindergarten that I couldn't carry a tune to save my life... (Oh the irony, since I no longer want it saved)....

But had to give up pretty much everything else too. From graduating school, to meeting someone who would like me for me, to walking again, to having a meal that tastes good. Not just "meh at least I don't want to vomit", but actually good. As in "I want more of this, and I want to eat it again tomorrow".

 

[Ariii]

Being pretty
Being rich
Having any kind of close relationship, romantic or platonic, outside of my mom

 

[StarCaller'sStaff]

Financial stability. I've never cared about what kind of job I am forced to do, all I've wanted in life was to have enough money for what I need, and maybe a bit extra for what I want.

 

[Pluto]

 

[EternalLight]

I never had dreams in my life. When I was growing up, the goal was just survival. As an adult, the dreamworld I somehow stumbled into fell apart.

 

[pulse1]

Somehow 'fixing' my family, and studying veterinary medicine. It was always my number one dream and yet my parents both disliked it so much and talked me out of it.. now I am stuck in a study I never thought of pursuing, and don't have any passion in.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Having a happy family.
I used to think I could create something good and worthwhile. Now I know my genes are bad and combining them with someone else with mental health problems meant a cocktail made in hell.

Seeing 'the world'
I'll see some but not nearly as much as I'd like. There's just not enough time and money available.

Having a nice figure
Life is stressful. We find comfort where we can.

Having nice nails
I grow them, i get stressed, I bite them.

Being rich
You can work really hard and it still doesn't always pay off so why bother? Or you can get rich then lose it all. At least if you stay poor you never have to adjust yourself.

Having a 'career'
Degrees mean debt. And there's too much responsibility involved with any meaningful career.

A peaceful death
Hopefully future generations will benefit from more compassionate laws that enable this for everyone. Won't happen in my life time.

 

[luckytwice]

I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to go on dates and meet a nice man (or woman) and have a wedding and get to call myself someone's wife. I wanted to have a house, and maybe even have a family of my own.

I wanted to live.

But, that's just not feasible, so instead I'm biding my time with meaningless filler until my time is finally up.

 

[Csmith8827]

Never give up on dreams.

 

[eternallyluna]

I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to live the way people are "supposed to" live.

I wanted to wake up next to someone I love. I wanted to feel warm sunshine on my face and a breeze blowing through my hair and not think about throwing myself in front of the cars speeding by.

I wanted to be happy in the way I was always told I would be as a child, because everyone is "supposed to" get a happy ending if they do what they're supposed to do.

To put it simply, I just wanted to live and not be in pain. But I have given up.

 

[Odwin]

None, still trying.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Sometimes people have to give up on their dreams (that means temporarily), or sometimes they don't directly get any encouragement regarding them, but they shouldn't give up on them completely. I've lost my own home a couple of times, lived in supervised facilities, and lived in poverty without furniture, but in a year or two I patiently managed to collect almost all the stuff that I could have needed for many different art projects, which gives me lots of options. The fact that I have made room for my dreams in the physical world has helped me to change, cope, and develop as the creative author of my life, which gives me new directions and opportunities all the time - they say dreams are not only in people's heads.