What does self harm addiction feel like?

[qwert3948]

I've been self harming since i was a kid, but i still did it very rarely. i only self harmed during times i was in bad mental breakdowns to avoid actually feeling the mental breakdown and just escape it. Even though i've been doing it for most of my life, i never felt addicted to it (?) i've ''stopped'' a few times because my therapist told me to and i didn't feel like it was that hard at all. (ofc going thru the mental breakdowns suck, but i didn't feel that sort of ''deep desperation'' like i couldn't resist not sh-ing, which is what i imagine addiction refers to).

I honestly can't really understand how it is to be addicted to sh, so i'm just curious about it.
Do people who are addicted to sh just have so many constant mental hardship that they require sh constantly, or something that becomes a habit that doesn't depend on mental state?

 

[Unbelonging]

I'm addicted to sh. For me it just feels like the only natural and effective way to take out my frustration. I know many people who take their frustration out on others and from a very young age, I vowed to never be that type of person because I know the harm those types of people cause. So I take out my frustration and anger on myself instead. I think that part of the addiction is having done it for a long time because then neural pathways form that connect sh with relief (I read something like this online, I'm not sure if it's completely true but I think it is). I've been sh'ing since I was about 6 so this is a very natural coping method to me and I don't think any other coping method will ever replace it in its effectiveness. Whatever non sh'ers do when they're in a difficult situation, like taking it out on others, or using an ice cube, etc, just doesn't feel natural to me. Sh feels so familiar and comforting to me and without it I will remain sad/frustrated so I'm addicted.

 

[hellispink]

i am borderline, for me destruction is my passion. I love to destroy myself destroy everything i touch, poison. So self harm is destroying me and also i vent my anger and sadness and intense emotions with it. Everytime i get angry or sad the first think comes to my mind, do it. But i have been clean for like two months now. But i always go back.

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

I'm not entirely addicted, I sh rarely, yet when I start its hard to stop. I don't really feel like it takes my frustration out, but I like the feeling of wounds aching beneath clothes. I like feeling that I have a "secret" that no one else sees. I like that slight pain that lasts for the first couple days. And I also really like the scars it leaves, and I get really attached to them. My biggest scar that was made in December has been turning more and more pale, and it really distresses me. I wish it would always stay as bright and red as it once was

 

[qwert3948]

I'm addicted to sh. For me it just feels like the only natural and effective way to take out my frustration. I know many people who take their frustration out on others and from a very young age, I vowed to never be that type of person because I know the harm those types of people cause. So I take out my frustration and anger on myself instead. I think that part of the addiction is having done it for a long time because then neural pathways form that connect sh with relief (I read something like this online, I'm not sure if it's completely true but I think it is). I've been sh'ing since I was about 6 so this is a very natural coping method to me and I don't think any other coping method will ever replace it in its effectiveness. Whatever non sh'ers do when they're in a difficult situation, like taking it out on others, or using an ice cube, etc, just doesn't feel natural to me. Sh feels so familiar and comforting to me and without it I will remain sad/frustrated so I'm addicted.

I'm not entirely addicted, I sh rarely, yet when I start its hard to stop. I don't really feel like it takes my frustration out, but I like the feeling of wounds aching beneath clothes. I like feeling that I have a "secret" that no one else sees. I like that slight pain that lasts for the first couple days. And I also really like the scars it leaves, and I get really attached to them. My biggest scar that was made in December has been turning more and more pale, and it really distresses me. I wish it would always stay as bright and red as it once was

Ahh that makes sense. I guess i haven't become addicted even though i've basically always done it because it sh really really rarely & i don't deal with severe distress (anxiety/depression, etc)

I understand it a lot better now, ty for the comments :)

 

[timetodie24]

It kind of became a habit over time for me, a 'go to' coping mechanism. At the start I'd use it as a last resort when things were really bad. Now little things can trigger it or I can get urges for no apparent reason at all. I also became addicted to cutting deeper, not so much now but previously the more I did it the less effective so had to cause worse harm to get same release.

I think some people are just more 'wired' to addictions. Some people can drink/smoke/take drugs occasionally whereas others become addictied. I suppose it's similar with SH.

 

[immrw]

SH feels like the only thing to truly calm me down. I SH, and lie down on my bed and let the endorphins do their thing. No other drug I've tried gives me the same type of "quiet" in my brain. It feels blissful. It's weird, I feel so guilty for smoking weed but no guilt for cutting.

 

[tvoisluga]

ironically so soothing. burning hurts like a bitch, more than cutting even and while its practically invisible if you flash burn god does it hurttt. but still my best option when i need a fast release and need to be sneaky.

 

[Reuthry]

SH is more like a routine for me, I crave for it so hard then I skip doing SH. I remember two days ago I started crying because not enough blood was flowing outside. I do SH on both of my leg's knee kinda area and on my left wrist (because it's easier to hit a vein but like there are so much scars that I can no longer see under my skin since it has thickened.

 

[Rev346]

It's an urge. Almost like an itch but instead I just want to cut. And the more I do it the morbid want to do it more.