What does a survival instinct feel like?

[Sensei]

You say impulsive.... would that include waking up one day, and then maybe deciding to meet, and sleep with 3 people you just met that day? Or different types of impulsiveness? Or just like the jumping thing?

There are of course individual variations, but bipolar people are much more often impulsive than the general population. It's one of the reasons they (well, we) often have social problems. During hypomanic and especially manic episodes, the impulsivity is often amplified. Unfortunately, this is often combined with willingness to take risks. I assume that what you describe could happen during a manic episode.

 

[ARW3N]

A disproportionate percentage of all suicide candidates are bipolar, which often means that they are impulsive as well. So-called retro-diagnoses have come to the conclusion that the above mentioned Virginia Woolf probably was bipolar.

There's a suicidologist, Thomas Joiner, who argues against the conventional belief that suicide is an impulsive act based "on a whim" decisions and claims how research demonstrates that most suicides are not attempted impulsively, and in fact involve a plan. Virginia Woolf weighted her overcoat pockets with rocks before walking into the River Ouse because she knew that as an excellent swimmer she would have swam to the surface for air. A perfect storm of ill health prompted Woolf's suicide. She lost her mother when she was 13, her sister two years later, was sexually abused by her stepbrothers, believed herself so "unattractive" that "being wanted [was] a pleasure that I have never felt." Her London home was destroyed by Nazi planes, she got a terrible review for a book that meant so much to her, and she finally wrote her husband, "I can't go on spoiling your life any longer."

 

[Sensei]

There's a suicidologist, Thomas Joiner, who argues against the conventional belief that suicide is an impulsive act based "on a whim" decisions and claims how research demonstrates that most suicides are not attempted impulsively, and in fact involve a plan. Virginia Woolf weighted her overcoat pockets with rocks before walking into the River Ouse because she knew that as an excellent swimmer she would have swam to the surface for air. A perfect storm of ill health prompted Woolf's suicide. She lost her mother when she was 13, her sister two years later, was sexually abused by her stepbrothers, believed herself so "unattractive" that "being wanted [was] a pleasure that I have never felt." Her London home was destroyed by Nazi planes, she got a terrible review for a book that meant so much to her, and she finally wrote her husband, "I can't go on spoiling your life any longer."

Good points. However, if someone commits a suicide impulsively, it doesn't necessarily mean that there aren't any good reasons or that there hasn't been any previous planning. I can take myself as an example, as both of my attempts were impulsive. In my opinion, I had good reasons to wanting to die and I had the necessary means available, although obviously inadequate ones. In both cases I didn't plan to die the day in question or any time soon for that matter. In both cases, my urge to die came on quickly, in maybe an hour in the first case and in a few minutes in the second case. I felt no fear at all and no survival instinct kicked in. These attempts were not impulsive in terms of motive and means, but they were certainly impulsive in terms of execution. This may very well apply to Virginia Woolf's suicide as well, but we will of course never know for certain. I believe most suicides labelled impulsive follow similar patterns.

 

[ARW3N]

Good points. However, if someone commits a suicide impulsively, it doesn't necessarily mean that there aren't any good reasons or that there hasn't been any previous planning. I can take myself as an example, as both of my attempts were impulsive. In my opinion, I had good reasons to wanting to die and I had the necessary means available, although obviously inadequate ones. In both cases I didn't plan to die the day in question or any time soon for that matter. In both cases, my urge to die came on quickly, in maybe an hour in the first case and in a few minutes in the second case. I felt no fear at all and no survival instinct kicked in. These attempts were not impulsive in terms of motive and means, but they were certainly impulsive in terms of execution. This may very well apply to Virginia Woolf's suicide as well, but we will of course never know for certain. I believe most suicides labelled impulsive follow similar patterns.

I know exactly what are you referring to because I personally knew a woman with bipolar disorder who attempted suicide by overdosing on her lithium medication during a severe depressive episode. She wasn't stockpiling her medication for a pre-planned suicide attempt later on but because she felt disinclined to take her medication due to her prolonged manic episodes.

 

[Sensei]

I know exactly what are you referring to because I personally knew a woman with bipolar disorder who attempted suicide by overdosing on her lithium medication during a severe depressive episode. She wasn't stockpiling her medication for a pre-planned suicide attempt later on but because she felt disinclined to take her medication due to her prolonged manic episodes.

Sadly, that's probably not an uncommon story. She must have been very desperate, because a lithium overdose can be a quite painful and agonizing way to leave.

 

[Carina]

Sadly, that's probably not an uncommon story. She must have been very desperate, because a lithium overdose can be a quite painful and agonizing way to leave.

I know a number of pill overdoses can be extremely painful way to go out. Still didn't stop me from attempting again even after experiencing the pain before.

 

[Sensei]

I know a number of pill overdoses can be extremely painful way to go out. Still didn't stop me from attempting again even after experiencing the pain before.

I'm sorry. For what it's worth, I think you're bipolar and that's why you suffer so immensely..

 

[Carina]

I'm sorry. For what it's worth, I think you're bipolar and that's why you suffer so immensely..

Yeah, after thinking, seeing... and some odd responses to these meds, I totally think that's possible too. Last night I was so impulsive for no reason. I was having to stop myself from making split-second-highly-risky decisions. And I mean risky by this boards standards even. Today, no desire like that (yet). Depression is there but leveled, still suicidal. but still.

 

[Sensei]

Yeah, after thinking, seeing... and some odd responses to these meds, I totally think that's possible too. Last night I was so impulsive for no reason. I was having to stop myself from making split-second-highly-risky decisions. And I mean risky by this boards standards even. Today, no desire like that (yet). Depression is there but leveled, still suicidal. but still.

I recognize this in myself. I don't know what to say. To be honest, I get the impression that your psychiatrist doesn't really know what they're doing.

 

[Carina]

I recognize this in myself. I don't know what to say. To be honest, I get the impression that your psychiatrist doesn't really know what they're doing.

Truthfully I was given him after being released from psych ward 2 years ago.

I saw him once after out (I lied to not get back in)
I saw him again to maintain meds (ok, I wasn't really suicidal, but didn't have a painless method, and didn't want pain)
I saw him this month... but I was honest
I have another in January

I'm not going to say I don't blame him, because I hated him the first and second times. He was monotone, didn't ask, seemed disinterested, and almost didn't seem to remember anything about me. I almost didn't go this month... but I did, was honest. Completely.

I loved the one in the psych ward though. I would've told her anything regardless of consequences. If she said "see me tomorrow, bring me what you 're going to kill yourself with", I would've. There was just something about her--but she was ONLY the inpatient psych ward psychiatrist.

Anyway...
That's when I got the meds I was on, and he actually asked a few other questions, especially when I asked like "why do I sometimes have odd like energy boost things while depressed? and sometimes do risky things?"

At the time, he just wanted to suppress the suicidal things (yeah.... well... he tried, I'll give him that.. and it did kill the countdown in my head, so it half worked?).

I figure, assuming nothing changes that alters things, In january he will have a Bipolar officially stuck in my file. Might even alter the one med.

Granted, given how many things drive the suicidal thing in me, I doubt there's anything he could do to end it (it's based on some physical, mental, environmental, etc things).

 

[Sensei]

Truthfully I was given him after being released from psych ward 2 years ago.

I saw him once after out (I lied to not get back in)
I saw him again to maintain meds (ok, I wasn't really suicidal, but didn't have a painless method, and didn't want pain)
I saw him this month... but I was honest
I have another in January

I'm not going to say I don't blame him, because I hated him the first and second times. He was monotone, didn't ask, seemed disinterested, and almost didn't seem to remember anything about me. I almost didn't go this month... but I did, was honest. Completely.

I loved the one in the psych ward though. I would've told her anything regardless of consequences. If she said "see me tomorrow, bring me what you 're going to kill yourself with", I would've. There was just something about her--but she was ONLY the inpatient psych ward psychiatrist.

Anyway...
That's when I got the meds I was on, and he actually asked a few other questions, especially when I asked like "why do I sometimes have odd like energy boost things while depressed? and sometimes do risky things?"

At the time, he just wanted to suppress the suicidal things (yeah.... well... he tried, I'll give him that.. and it did kill the countdown in my head, so it half worked?).

I figure, assuming nothing changes that alters things, In january he will have a Bipolar officially stuck in my file. Might even alter the one med.

Granted, given how many things drive the suicidal thing in me, I doubt there's anything he could do to end it (it's based on some physical, mental, environmental, etc things).

If you are bipolar and get medication that works, it will prevent episodes and you will most probably become much less suicidal. I have to be honest, though. There are no guarantees that they will find the right medication or even that any medication will work. It often also takes time, usually weeks or months, before the medication kicks in. However, the odds are fairly good that you will be okay. When it comes to lithium, roughly one third have no more episodes, one third gets less severe symptoms, and one third notice little to no effects. I don't know the rates for other medicines, unfortunately. In most cases, they manage to find some medication that at least works okay, so It's definitely worth a shot.

 

[Carina]

If you are bipolar and get medication that works, it will prevent episodes and you will most probably become much less suicidal. I have to be honest, though. There are no guarantees that they will find the right medication or even that any medication will work. It often also takes time, usually weeks or months, before the medication kicks in. However, the odds are fairly good that you will be okay. When it comes to lithium, roughly one third have no more episodes, one third gets less severe symptoms, and one third notice little to no effects. I don't know the rates for other medicines, unfortunately. In most cases, they manage to find some medication that at least works okay, so It's definitely worth a shot.

Yeah... Only bad thing is there's 10 things driving me to it, that's one of the 10.

 

[Sensei]

Yeah... Only bad thing is there's 10 things driving me to it, that's one of the 10.

It's a start. If I look at myself, I think my bipolarity makes my other problems appear worse than they are.

 

[brainpain2]

It's a reflex, like when you trip you put your hands out and cover your face to brace for the fall