Venting What do you miss?

[catbunny]

Lately, I have been missing my mom so much. But she's still with me, and I still live with her. I don't even know if I really miss her or I'm just being too lonely to the point I want to be comforted by a "mom".
Growing up, we never get along well. Not bad, but not good. We have a lot of conflict actually. At one point, I did say I hate her and those words never left her mind ever since. That was one of the things I regret doing the most.
I worked at an exam preparation center. And whenever I see a kid there getting picked up by their mom, I can't help but missing my mom. My mom used to do that too. When I was a kid, she did that too.
I don't know if I miss her or the feeling of her, the concept of a mom, or do I miss being a kid again?

 

[Zura]

did you ever apologise for saying that if not then maybe apologise and tell her you got carried away and didnt mean it
maybe go out with your mom and do shopping or get some icecream if both of you are free
i love my mom too but it kinda sucks disappointing her but oh well it is what it is I guess

 

[Star67]

I miss who I was before mental illness took over my life. I miss my old friends who are no longer in my life. I've lost a lot in the last year and I miss it all dearly. My mum used to pick me up from kindergarten as well. I remember hating going to school; I was lonely there and bullied

 

[_Gollum_]

My health and my freedom (from my own brain). I would trade all the "growth" and "personal development" and knowledge that I've gained in the intervening years to be back in that unscarred body and brain.

 

[Quietist]

My health and my freedom (from my own brain). I would trade all the "growth" and "personal development" and knowledge that I've gained in the intervening years to be back in that unscarred body and brain.

I second this. Wasted years of my life in "nun mode", thinking that I was "forging myself in solitude", going down rabbit holes and learning occult wisdom.

And yet it hasn't benefitted me in the slightest.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

I second this. Wasted years of my life in "nun mode", thinking that I was "forging myself in solitude", going down rabbit holes and learning occult wisdom.

And yet it hasn't benefitted me in the slightest.

holy shit this was so real. i dropped out of college and lowkey was probably experiencing psychosis and spent a couple years hardly talking to anyone and wanting to become a saint. i was basically an anchorite

 

[anopenwound]

I miss hope.

 

[Spite]

I miss when I used to have hope. I miss when I used to have some zest for life, even if it wasn't much. I remember a time when I used to have something - I used to be okay with waking up every day, I used to look forward to things. I felt alive. That was years ago now.

 

[chaotic_crow]

I miss when I was less sick, over the last few years I've lost my ability to do basically anything without ending up in extreme pain. I hurt myself just taking a cake out of the oven yesterday. Also the way people treated me before I got sick while not great was way different than what it is now. Everything I do it wrong and I'm just a lazy POS that lies for attention is essentially how my family acts

 

[charlavail]

i miss who i was before this really bad depressive episode. i miss myself before i met my ex. i've had depression my whole life but this last relationship and breakup alongside my job and family issues has really just tanked me into a place i haven't been since I was like 15 also looking up ways to ctb. idk at that point at least i had a way out, college and making friends, etc. now i'm just at a job i hate and feel like i need to be grateful for it, it's hard to make new friends in the city i live in, everyone i know has moved away, my breakup with my ex absolutely wrecked me and had broken me as a person and idk i think i've just had a really hard time in my life the last two years and had to give up every part of myself for other people like family and i'm just a shell of a person who doesn't want to go on anymore.

 

[Bikishii]

I miss living somewhere closer to nature and farther from the city. It felt more in line with me, and it's just always the environment I've liked the most, forested areas and the like.
Like you were saying OP, I miss my mom even though she's still alive. We aren't very emotionally close at all but still see each other somewhat regularly. I've seen her grow so miserable and jaded over the years (part of what's negatively affected our relationship). Of course I miss her in the sense that she hasn't been very loving for a long time, more like just a mother than a mom. But I also miss how happy of a person she was, she had such joie de vivre, she was kind and loving and the life of the party and an overall great person to be around. I wish she could be happy again. She deserves it and it would certainly help her relationships with her child.
I miss the mental clarity I had before my medication came in and messed things around quite a bit.
I miss being able to experience pleasure, joy, happiness the way that I used to. Those emotions are still there, but not all that comparable to how I've experienced them before things worsened in my life.

I try not to get hung up on those things though. Some are gone forever, some may come back, but either way it does me no service to dwell on these and mope. I do get sad, of course, but these aren't really things that I have control over (I could move, but I sure a hell don't have the money or opportunity to do that now). So, eh, you just get through it I suppose.

 

[TheCavernousDeep.]

i miss who i was before this really bad depressive episode. i miss myself before i met my ex. i've had depression my whole life but this last relationship and breakup alongside my job and family issues has really just tanked me into a place i haven't been since I was like 15 also looking up ways to ctb. idk at that point at least i had a way out, college and making friends, etc. now i'm just at a job i hate and feel like i need to be grateful for it, it's hard to make new friends in the city i live in, everyone i know has moved away, my breakup with my ex absolutely wrecked me and had broken me as a person and idk i think i've just had a really hard time in my life the last two years and had to give up every part of myself for other people like family and i'm just a shell of a person who doesn't want to go on anymore.

This is deeply relatable to me. Same thing. I feel depressed in a similar way that I did in the past, but back then I had a "way out" ie college and now I'm just stuck in adult life. It's brutal

 

[violetforever]

life before puberty

 

[Btkeeg]

I miss working. I miss not being in constant pain. I miss riding my motorcycle. I miss being oblivious about all the trauma. I miss being a functional human being. I miss a time when I didn't feel so intensely lonely and broken. I miss who I was before my breakdown. Most of all, I miss my therapist who died a few months ago. The first and last person I've ever felt safe with.

 

[gardenhouse]

My good health and once beautiful life before tinnitus destroys my life.

 

[sashaisalone]

Lately, I have been missing my mom so much. But she's still with me, and I still live with her. I don't even know if I really miss her or I'm just being too lonely to the point I want to be comforted by a "mom".
Growing up, we never get along well. Not bad, but not good. We have a lot of conflict actually. At one point, I did say I hate her and those words never left her mind ever since. That was one of the things I regret doing the most.
I worked at an exam preparation center. And whenever I see a kid there getting picked up by their mom, I can't help but missing my mom. My mom used to do that too. When I was a kid, she did that too.
I don't know if I miss her or the feeling of her, the concept of a mom, or do I miss being a kid again?

My ex. I'd do anything for her touch, her kisses, and her safety.

 

[cakedog]

My old home
had so many great memories and experiences there even though they all happened on my pc
only point in my life when my conditions were tolerable

 

[InTheAbyss]

I miss hope. I miss the things that I used to be able to do to give me some distraction from things. I miss not being in constant pain. I miss a lot of things.

 

[nails]

i miss my friends more than anything else
i also miss enjoying things/having hobbies and interests

 

[itsgone2]

My health and my freedom (from my own brain). I would trade all the "growth" and "personal development" and knowledge that I've gained in the intervening years to be back in that unscarred body and brain.

You certainly nailed it. I keep thinking the same. Yeah great, I've learned so much. So what? I lost everything in the process. Who cares what I know now? I'd rather be ignorant and happy.

My ex. I'd do anything for her touch, her kisses, and her safety.

I miss my ex too. Ex wife. Just horrible. If only I treated her well and we worked at the relationship. Everything else would be better. Such a waste.

 

[charlavail]

I miss a lot. I used to have hope, and a future to look forward too. I don't feel like I have that anymore. Even if I think of "fun" things like taking a roadtrip this summer with my friends, all I can think about is what awaits me on the other side of distraction or during silent times. it's just misery in my brain.

 

[moon2bright]

I miss the future and the life I thought I'd have there.

 

[asfergrggdas]

my dog, my grandmother, and my innocence-- in a way.. I miss not understanding how cruel and evil this world really is but at the same time it's the truth and it always was the truth I was just refusing to accept reality.. and paradoxically that led to me being victimized and hurt by that evil because I did not know who what and where to avoid

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I miss having hope for anything. I miss not being able to comprehend depression. I miss my family, because we aren't close anymore and some are gone. I could go on a long time..

 

[littleballofrice2]

I miss my friends who have ctb. I miss being healthy and being able to climb stairs without having to catch my breath every floor. I miss having hope for the future

 

[PanaxMan]

Lately, I have been missing my mom so much. But she's still with me, and I still live with her. I don't even know if I really miss her or I'm just being too lonely to the point I want to be comforted by a "mom".
Growing up, we never get along well. Not bad, but not good. We have a lot of conflict actually. At one point, I did say I hate her and those words never left her mind ever since. That was one of the things I regret doing the most.
I worked at an exam preparation center. And whenever I see a kid there getting picked up by their mom, I can't help but missing my mom. My mom used to do that too. When I was a kid, she did that too.
I don't know if I miss her or the feeling of her, the concept of a mom, or do I miss being a kid again?

I miss my innocence of the world before it was snatched by my mom. And then the horrors of it being thrown and causing my emotional distress and burnout. It was freeing to see her smile and have classmates say hi and dap you up throughout classes. Now I don't have and will most likely never get that feeling again due to other circumstances taking me out of school because economically I'm not doing great and overall life outlook is pretty damn grim

 

[hahahahhkjsk]

i miss who i was before october 2024. i don't know what happened, one day i just died or something and i haven't felt alive since. id do so many things, i had so much hope, was constantly pondering about something and thinking used to bring me great joy, everything was beautiful even with all the misery. life was beautiful with both the good and bad.

now theres nothing. every day is the same and dull. i don't know what happened. i think i gave up in january 2025. but before that, i still did the same things as i did when i felt alive and yet it felt like an empty imitation of who i used to be.

my memory has gone to shit. my time perception is incredibly distorted. a day feels like weeks but weeks feel like seconds and the two blur together and theres nothing i remember. even if i do something out of the ordinary, it just doesn't stick. im not here mentally. i used to be able to remember days and events down to the very hour and minute and what happened, how i felt like, what was i thinking in that very moment... now i remember in snapshots, in still images, just a blurry image of where i was physically but no emotion associated to it.

i also miss my two online friends greatly. i used to talk to them constantly in 2022. then shit hit the fan and i disappeared like i always do in 2023, i reached out again in february 2025 but it just doesn't feel the same. one of them is busy with her life (which is good, i have no problem with that, im incredibly happy for her) so talking to her feels like penning down a letter and sending it with a messenger pigeon. been two months since she was last online. its fine. the other friend, it just doesn't feel the same. i don't know. every message i send feels like a compulsion just to say something, to say anything to keep it going.
i dont have any common ground with them anymore. none of us play the same game we used to play, i don't mind but it was still one of our largest common interests.

i just miss 2022-2024. thats it. like i always do.

 

[endboss]

I miss silence :(

 

[mikidagreen]

my grandma shirley, she passed in december and was the only one who ever cared anything for me. ever since she passed ive been inching closer to cutting my shit to shreds

 

[theendoftheroad]

My dad hung himself when I was young, I don't believe in God and hated him at the time but I still miss him sometimes and wonder if I'll somehow get to see him again