Help what do you guys think?

[fettyshooter]

i desperately want to get out of this world i hate it and im not built for it but i really dont like any of the things people think might happen after death. i cant stay here another year ive been miserable in this world and ready to get out since before i even knew what death was. as a child i was deeply dissatisfied with life and everything i had to do. i used to wish i could sleep forever. i want out of this place so bad BUT im really not a fan of death either. i have no idea what to do.

the stuff in purple isnt too relevant its just more context. it can be skipped.

reincarnation is terrifying. i cant do this again. even if i wouldnt be mentally ill in the next life i cant go through being a kid again. being completely controlled by two strangers having no freedom or control over anything no one taking you seriously or listening absolutely not its horrible. i wouldnt ever want to be an adult again either. unless im taken to a completely different reality thats much much better and no one ever suffers then fuck no i hate reincarnation.

the belief of nothing also isnt too comforting at least not to me. if theres nothing then the last thing you would ever experience is the physical pain of you dying. this belief used to comfort me but now all i can think about are the people that had a horrible death. you cant experience nothing so they never got any peace after going through that.

i was adopted into a very religious family. even though i stopped believing in it years and years ago i still worry about it. i think i only ever believed in it as a kid because they scared me so bad. it was awful. i remember tripping on a sidewalk and being told i wasnt respecting the "temple" god gave me (by being clumsy i was "disrespecting god" and showing him i didnt care about my body or about damaging it.) and i was going to go to hell if i kept doing it. they made me feel like i had to pray just for breathing wrong. like i had to ask for forgiveness just for existing. it got so bad that when i was in the car with them and was told about a little boy that stuck his head out of the window and was decapitated all i felt was jealousy. i asked if he went to heaven and was told if he didnt know about god then yes he did. oh my god i was so jealous! i wanted to be him!! i was so jealous of babies or young toddlers who died. i was so upset someone told me about god and religion. every single second i was terrified of doing something wrong thinking id go to hell. they really drilled it in. i realized later that i wasnt really christian i was just scared. even though its been 8 years i still worry sometimes. i think what if i was wrong? i dont know how to stop worrying about it.

i really want to die i just wish what came after was better. i love my boyfriend more than anything but unfortunately i cant stay. i desperately wish i could see him again after but i know theres a big chance ill never see him again. i wish after death i could go to an ideal reality. itd be much better. i really want to die and go to the world i used to escape to in my head. its perfect for me and id never have to leave him.

every time someone says death is just like before you were born it doesnt make that much sense to me. surely if its like before you were born then cant you be born again?

i dont know.

of course im still going to do it itd just be nice if i wasnt so dissatisfied with all the possibilities. did any of you used to feel like this and how did you overcome it?

 

[N@te]

i desperately want to get out of this world i hate it and im not built for it but i really dont like any of the things people think might happen after death. i cant stay here another year ive been miserable in this world and ready to get out since before i even knew what death was. as a child i was deeply dissatisfied with life and everything i had to do. i used to wish i could sleep forever. i want out of this place so bad BUT im really not a fan of death either. i have no idea what to do.

the stuff in purple isnt too relevant its just more context. it can be skipped.

reincarnation is terrifying. i cant do this again. even if i wouldnt be mentally ill in the next life i cant go through being a kid again. being completely controlled by two strangers having no freedom or control over anything no one taking you seriously or listening absolutely not its horrible. i wouldnt ever want to be an adult again either. unless im taken to a completely different reality thats much much better and no one ever suffers then fuck no i hate reincarnation.

the belief of nothing also isnt too comforting at least not to me. if theres nothing then the last thing you would ever experience is the physical pain of you dying. this belief used to comfort me but now all i can think about are the people that had a horrible death. you cant experience nothing so they never got any peace after going through that.

i was adopted into a very religious family. even though i stopped believing in it years and years ago i still worry about it. i think i only ever believed in it as a kid because they scared me so bad. it was awful. i remember tripping on a sidewalk and being told i wasnt respecting the "temple" god gave me (by being clumsy i was "disrespecting god" and showing him i didnt care about my body or about damaging it.) and i was going to go to hell if i kept doing it. they made me feel like i had to pray just for breathing wrong. like i had to ask for forgiveness just for existing. it got so bad that when i was in the car with them and was told about a little boy that stuck his head out of the window and was decapitated all i felt was jealousy. i asked if he went to heaven and was told if he didnt know about god then yes he did. oh my god i was so jealous! i wanted to be him!! i was so jealous of babies or young toddlers who died. i was so upset someone told me about god and religion. every single second i was terrified of doing something wrong thinking id go to hell. they really drilled it in. i realized later that i wasnt really christian i was just scared. even though its been 8 years i still worry sometimes. i think what if i was wrong? i dont know how to stop worrying about it.

i really want to die i just wish what came after was better. i love my boyfriend more than anything but unfortunately i cant stay. i desperately wish i could see him again after but i know theres a big chance ill never see him again. i wish after death i could go to an ideal reality. itd be much better. i really want to die and go to the world i used to escape to in my head. its perfect for me and id never have to leave him.

every time someone says death is just like before you were born it doesnt make that much sense to me. surely if its like before you were born then cant you be born again?

i dont know.

of course im still going to do it itd just be nice if i wasnt so dissatisfied with all the possibilities. did any of you used to feel like this and how did you overcome it?

when people say "death is just like before you were born" they just mean that you won't feel or think anything, and it would be as if you don't exist.


There are thousands if not millions of theories and possibilities for what might happen to death. There's not much you can do but try to make the decision that you think will maximize your chances of having a good outcome. It's kinda like deciding to go to a particular university. You can't really know if it will work out. Perhaps you would be better off if you went to a different university, or if you didn't go to university at all. Perhaps you will get into a car crash when driving to the university and end up disabled. You can't be sure what will happen, so you just have to consider the possible outcomes, their outcomes, and their tolerability, in order to decide whether you should go to that university or not. You have to make the calculations when deciding whether to kill yourself or not. Though I guess you've already made the calculations and you just feel upset with the lack of certainty of a good outcome and the abundance of terrible possibilites
I'm sorry I guess this is all kinda obvious. I just wanted to say something and didn't really know what else to say

i desperately want to get out of this world i hate it and im not built for it but i really dont like any of the things people think might happen after death. i cant stay here another year ive been miserable in this world and ready to get out since before i even knew what death was. as a child i was deeply dissatisfied with life and everything i had to do. i used to wish i could sleep forever. i want out of this place so bad BUT im really not a fan of death either. i have no idea what to do.

the stuff in purple isnt too relevant its just more context. it can be skipped.

reincarnation is terrifying. i cant do this again. even if i wouldnt be mentally ill in the next life i cant go through being a kid again. being completely controlled by two strangers having no freedom or control over anything no one taking you seriously or listening absolutely not its horrible. i wouldnt ever want to be an adult again either. unless im taken to a completely different reality thats much much better and no one ever suffers then fuck no i hate reincarnation.

the belief of nothing also isnt too comforting at least not to me. if theres nothing then the last thing you would ever experience is the physical pain of you dying. this belief used to comfort me but now all i can think about are the people that had a horrible death. you cant experience nothing so they never got any peace after going through that.

i was adopted into a very religious family. even though i stopped believing in it years and years ago i still worry about it. i think i only ever believed in it as a kid because they scared me so bad. it was awful. i remember tripping on a sidewalk and being told i wasnt respecting the "temple" god gave me (by being clumsy i was "disrespecting god" and showing him i didnt care about my body or about damaging it.) and i was going to go to hell if i kept doing it. they made me feel like i had to pray just for breathing wrong. like i had to ask for forgiveness just for existing. it got so bad that when i was in the car with them and was told about a little boy that stuck his head out of the window and was decapitated all i felt was jealousy. i asked if he went to heaven and was told if he didnt know about god then yes he did. oh my god i was so jealous! i wanted to be him!! i was so jealous of babies or young toddlers who died. i was so upset someone told me about god and religion. every single second i was terrified of doing something wrong thinking id go to hell. they really drilled it in. i realized later that i wasnt really christian i was just scared. even though its been 8 years i still worry sometimes. i think what if i was wrong? i dont know how to stop worrying about it.

i really want to die i just wish what came after was better. i love my boyfriend more than anything but unfortunately i cant stay. i desperately wish i could see him again after but i know theres a big chance ill never see him again. i wish after death i could go to an ideal reality. itd be much better. i really want to die and go to the world i used to escape to in my head. its perfect for me and id never have to leave him.

every time someone says death is just like before you were born it doesnt make that much sense to me. surely if its like before you were born then cant you be born again?

i dont know.

of course im still going to do it itd just be nice if i wasnt so dissatisfied with all the possibilities. did any of you used to feel like this and how did you overcome it?

But yes I did use to feel like that kinda. I've stopped worrying so much now, maybe because I've already spent so much time thinking about it that my mind decided there's little point in continuing to stress about it. Or maybe I just stopped caring as much because of my meds