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Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
i don't have 1 myself, what abt u? do u have an external factor like that contributing to ur reason for kys?
Honestly? I don't really share the details of my life. As it says under my name, there's no story, no plot, and nothing of significance to share. Perhaps a reason could be found with enough digging, but I seldom see any point. Personally, I find the stories of others to be of more interest to me than the content of my own life.
 
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KAZ-2Y5

KAZ-2Y5

Verrückt
Jul 23, 2023
149
Abusers ruining my life
 
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KAZ-2Y5

KAZ-2Y5

Verrückt
Jul 23, 2023
149
Are you comfortable enough to provide any context?
Might not be a good idea I don't wanna out who I am too much or too many details of my life. They just keep me enslaved and no matter where I go in life they ruin my chances of living, working, being on my own; so I'm just enslaved to them and I have to commit this year
 
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Adûnâi

Adûnâi

Little Russian in-cel
Apr 25, 2020
863
My biggest transgression is being born. /micdrop

But no, I never feel regret... Aside from that one time when I didn't charge my phone, and missed the chance to take a pic of a butterfly in October 2023, dang it.

My onus of control is kind of outside, I hate that I was born after 1945, I hate the post-Yalta world.
 
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Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
Might not be a good idea I don't wanna out who I am too much or too many details of my life. They just keep me enslaved and no matter where I go in life they ruin my chances of living, working, being on my own; so I'm just enslaved to them and I have to commit this year
I accept your need, or desire to remain annoymous for your own reasons. Do you have access to anything, or anyone that can provide even a temporary escape from your circumstances?
 
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annointed_towers

annointed_towers

Cursed by God
Dec 9, 2022
282
My biggest transgression is committing the unforgivable sin in the Bible which is why I'm here
 
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Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
My biggest transgression is being born. /micdrop

But no, I never feel regret... Aside from that one time when I didn't charge my phone, and missed the chance to take a pic of a butterfly in October 2023, dang it.

My onus of control is kind of outside, I hate that I was born after 1945, I hate the post-Yalta world.
Given how everything turned out, I can't exactly say I disagree. For all of the apparent advancements we've made as a society, we're sure as Hell no closer to the salvation our ancestors thought we'd be.
My biggest transgression is committing the unforgivable sin in the Bible which is why I'm here
Do you know why you did what you did?
 
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annointed_towers

annointed_towers

Cursed by God
Dec 9, 2022
282
Given how everything turned out, I can't exactly say I disagree. For all of the apparent advancements we've made as a society, we're sure as Hell no closer to the salvation our ancestors thought we'd be.

Do you know why you did what you did?
I was angry at God
 
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BlackBlood6

BlackBlood6

-
Dec 7, 2023
53
Hard to say. I think my biggest transgression was taking medication that I, from day one, never wanted to take. It's ruined my health overall and didn't help anything now that i'm basically being denied it. I'm just sitting here with suicidal thoughts everyday and my hands in the air.
I blame myself for taking it though, even though I didn't want to. I feel like since I wasn't right with god, he allowed it to happen to me. Kinda fucked up when I read me writing that, but yeah. The blame and guilt never go away no matter what I do. It just grows over time.
 
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Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
I had a minor inconvenience and I flew into a rage and blasphemed God
I'm detached from religion in general for personal reasons, and I don't exactly wish to indulge a religious debate due to differing views on the matter. For this reason, I can't in good conscience make comments on a topic that could turn abusive very quickly. That being said, do you yourself honestly believe that there's no coming back from this act?
Hard to say. I think my biggest transgression was taking medication that I, from day one, never wanted to take. It's ruined my health overall and didn't help anything now that i'm basically being denied it. I'm just sitting here with suicidal thoughts everyday and my hands in the air.
I blame myself for taking it though, even though I didn't want to. I feel like since I wasn't right with god, he allowed it to happen to me. Kinda fucked up when I read me writing that, but yeah. The blame and guilt never go away no matter what I do. It just grows over time.
When you say you weren't right with God, what do you mean? Was there a lapse in your faith, a poor judgement call, or something entirely different? Time seldom heals wounds in the way we desire; the feelings usually stay with us, and we eventually just learn to live with them for as long as our book remains open.
 
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Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Arcanist
Sep 10, 2023
424
Does dropping out of school without many qualifications count as a transgression?
 
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iusedtobehappy

iusedtobehappy

Experienced
Dec 2, 2023
209
My biggest transgression is committing the unforgivable sin in the Bible which is why I'm here
I have read the bible but don't know what the unforgivable sin is? Only if you feel like sharing of course.
 
annointed_towers

annointed_towers

Cursed by God
Dec 9, 2022
282
I have read the bible but don't know what the unforgivable sin is? Only if you feel like sharing of course.
Blasphemy

@breezeboy is something funny to you? People sharing what brings them to suicide and you laugh?
 
Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
Does dropping out of school without many qualifications count as a transgression?
In a way, you could consider it a transgression against yourself. That does depend on what your stance is regarding the fact that you dropped out.
 
Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Arcanist
Sep 10, 2023
424
In a way, you could consider it a transgression against yourself. That does depend on what your stance is regarding the fact that you dropped out.
I consider me dropping out a transgression against myself and something that I can add to the list of things that make me feel both ashamed and guilty.
 
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Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
I consider me dropping out a transgression against myself and something that I can add to the list of things that make me feel both ashamed and guilty.
Why do you consider dropping out of school to be a transgression? Schools hardly teach you anything of actual substance, more often leaving most students completely adrift and clueless as to how the world actually operates, or of the skills that one needs to survive in this world. I don't know your circumstances the same way you do, so I can't really tell you that it's not a big deal to drop out; just because I have a different stance on the indoctrination scam that is the "education system", doesn't mean that the issue is any less of a big deal to you.
 
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Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Arcanist
Sep 10, 2023
424
Why do you consider dropping out of school to be a transgression? Schools hardly teach you anything of actual substance, more often leaving most students completely adrift and clueless as to how the world actually operates, or of the skills that one needs to survive in this world. I don't know your circumstances the same way you do, so I can't really tell you that it's not a big deal to drop out; just because I have a different stance on the indoctrination scam that is the "education system", doesn't mean that the issue is any less of a big deal to you.
I mean it's a transgression against myself in so far that I basically destroyed my chances of getting a job worth while but in truth I do think that the entire educational system is screwed and because I want to kill myself anyway it won't make a difference long term. I just hate myself if I can't even accomplish the simplest of things.
 
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Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
I mean it's a transgression against myself in so far that I basically destroyed my chances of getting a job worth while but in truth I do think that the entire educational system is screwed and because I want to kill myself anyway it won't make a difference long term. I just hate myself if I can't even accomplish the simplest of things.
Did you have direction at any point while you were under the education system?
 
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Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Arcanist
Sep 10, 2023
424
Did you have direction at any point while you were under the education system?
I like to think that I had direction but it was a farce and an illusion. I can't handle the repetitative nature of education in school and the repetition of too much of the same without change in subject for too long, I'm extremely bad at maths or the natural sciences and this was bad for grades and made me repeat years as well in the log term... I had direction for a few years but it appears that I life live life stages in a 2 - 3 year cycles and can't keep something up for much longer beyond that. My attention span perhaps and also the fact that I was bullied in my formative years.

I might seem "good" at things expected of me but it won't last long and therefore I'm a waste of space in societies' view. Not that I care but that way I am makes it so that I can't live fufilled even if I tried.

Most things I know today I studied in my free time and made me much happier this way than the rigid conformism I expierenced in school.
 
C

cold_severance

Student
Dec 11, 2023
139
id say for me its lack of transgressions that does it, i treated people and everything else with way more respect that it deserved.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
8,221
I've certainly done or not done things I regret but, none of them are the main reason I want to CTB. I want to go because I can't envisage creating a life for myself in which I will be happy. I suspect it will only be a worsening picture.
 
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Oudenophobia

Oudenophobia

No story, no plot, nothing.
May 29, 2023
114
I like to think that I had direction but it was a farce and an illusion. I can't handle the repetitative nature of education in school and the repetition of too much of the same without change in subject for too long, I'm extremely bad at maths or the natural sciences and this was bad for grades and made me repeat years as well in the log term... I had direction for a few years but it appears that I life live life stages in a 2 - 3 year cycles and can't keep something up for much longer beyond that. My attention span perhaps and also the fact that I was bullied in my formative years.

I might seem "good" at things expected of me but it won't last long and therefore I'm a waste of space in societies' view. Not that I care but that way I am makes it so that I can't live fufilled even if I tried.

Most things I know today I studied in my free time and made me much happier this way than the rigid conformism I expierenced in school.
The school environment isn't exactly as conducive to learning as people assert that it is. Much of the knowledge that we actually need to function in this world is learnt through experiences outside of the school environment anyway.

Society views everything outside of the status quo as "bad" because it's a threat to the "order" that the world has; just because people disagree with something you say or do doen't mean they're right, nor does it mean that you are wrong. As far as I'm concerned, you're doing the best that you can with the issues that you have, and if no-one has told you this before, it's more than enough.
id say for me its lack of transgressions that does it, i treated people and everything else with way more respect that it deserved.
The human condition can be both a gift or a curse, depending on both who you ask, and at what point in time you ask them. Those of us that have experienced hardship rarely end up challenging those who mistreat us, usually because the feelings we had to endure during our own hardship is something we don't want to wish upon others, no matter how much we might want to, or how much we believe they dserve it.
I've certainly done or not done things I regret but, none of them are the main reason I want to CTB. I want to go because I can't envisage creating a life for myself in which I will be happy. I suspect it will only be a worsening picture.
Did you at any point ever imagine things turning out well?
Despite being nothing more than a stranger over the internet, you're always welcome to message me if you just need someone to be around; no topic is out of the question.
 
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D

depressedteddybear

Member
Jul 30, 2023
44
I can't talk about what my biggest fuckups are but ya they are the biggest reason why I would like to go
 
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depressedteddybear

Member
Jul 30, 2023
44
Are you private about the matters by choice?
Ya cuz if my family found out it would ruin my life it wasn't illegal or anything but I fucked them over and I feel like I piece of shit for it but I need them to live and I don't think they would ever speak to me again
 
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