Venting What do I do?

[HitBlackVein]

In short story, I am 19 mentally unstable suicidal girl with parental issues, severe anxiety and I may have something like bpd. My parents are nice now. I am in better school, a school which I can finish with no stress and get a good job. So why am I still like this? I had eating disorder for like 2 years now, I tend to self harm often and lie about how I feel. I left therapy because I didn't liked my therapist, I refuse to get any help. My psychologist tells me that I need to go on meds and get a therapy. But I want to destroy myself so bad I don't even know what is happening. I have some common sense and deep inside I know that I need therapy. But I have no idea how should I persue myself to get help.

 

[aliasblue.]

In short story, I am 19 mentally unstable suicidal girl with parental issues, severe anxiety and I may have something like bpd. My parents are nice now. I am in better school, a school which I can finish with no stress and get a good job. So why am I still like this? I had eating disorder for like 2 years now, I tend to self harm often and lie about how I feel. I left therapy because I didn't liked my therapist, I refuse to get any help. My psychologist tells me that I need to go on meds and get a therapy. But I want to destroy myself so bad I don't even know what is happening. I have some common sense and deep inside I know that I need therapy. But I have no idea how should I persue myself to get help.

The fact that you're wanting to get therapy itself is a great first step. I probably won't understand the severity of your situation, but I do know how it is to obsess over destroying yourself. It's a really tough battle to win. My advice to you would be to get clean, which is much more easier said than done and to confide in a friend or someone who is close to you and will be able to watch over you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that if you are looking for "help" and want advice relating to that then I think that it would be best to post in the recovery section of the site.

 

[HitBlackVein]

I think that if you are looking for "help" and want advice relating to that then I think that it would be best to post in the recovery section of the site.

Okay, I'm sorry

 

[Catastrofe]

I think that if you are looking for "help" and want advice relating to that then I think that it would be best to post in the recovery section of the site.

Sorry, I do not agree with this. Firstly because the post label is "venting", secondly because this girl here is clearly stating she wants to destroy herself and she is suicidal.
I understand there are two different sections, but some flexibility might be of help, expecially for someone who is new here.

In short story, I am 19 mentally unstable suicidal girl with parental issues, severe anxiety and I may have something like bpd. My parents are nice now. I am in better school, a school which I can finish with no stress and get a good job. So why am I still like this? I had eating disorder for like 2 years now, I tend to self harm often and lie about how I feel. I left therapy because I didn't liked my therapist, I refuse to get any help. My psychologist tells me that I need to go on meds and get a therapy. But I want to destroy myself so bad I don't even know what is happening. I have some common sense and deep inside I know that I need therapy. But I have no idea how should I persue myself to get help.

If you want you can tell us what went wrong with therapy and what are your feelings, and try to imagine some reasons why you are still suicidal. Or you can also post in the Recovery section and see what comes up there.

 

[7thundercloud]

In short story, I am 19 mentally unstable suicidal girl with parental issues, severe anxiety and I may have something like bpd. My parents are nice now. I am in better school, a school which I can finish with no stress and get a good job. So why am I still like this? I had eating disorder for like 2 years now, I tend to self harm often and lie about how I feel. I left therapy because I didn't liked my therapist, I refuse to get any help. My psychologist tells me that I need to go on meds and get a therapy. But I want to destroy myself so bad I don't even know what is happening. I have some common sense and deep inside I know that I need therapy. But I have no idea how should I persue myself to get help.

Maybe you can start venting here about your issues, in-depth if comfortable. That helps me feel better sometimes, releasing my emotions onto like a personal diary (physical or digital, I usually use a private Instagram or google doc). I think maybe if you are honest with yourself first about how you feel then you can slowly start to be honest with other people and maybe get help. It won't happen instantly, you have to discover new things which take a long time. I am 18 myself and still figuring this whole thing out, I don't feel any better but I hope to soon.