Help What do I do if someone I met on here has gone radio silent and their last post was extremely concerning?

[Nitheful]

I met someone on here that I was really starting to like and get along with, but it's clear they've been struggling a lot. Their last post was them contemplating whether they'd even make it through the day and that was a month ago, they've gone completely silent. Same day they made that post, they added me on Discord, and we were planning to talk the next day, they seemed relatively ok there, at least not at the very brink of suicide, but can only gauge so much through text.

I just don't know what to do as I've been left in a state of limbo. It's extremely selfish of me to hope they are alive because I'd be wishing it more for my own comfort than theirs if they truly wished to die, so I am conflicted. She said she'd maybe make a goodbye thread if she was gonna do it, and she's been gone for more than 2 months before, but it's her last post before doing so this time that's put me on edge.

Am I just left to be eternally wondering if she's dead, ghosted me, got kicked out etc? I need some sort of closure or reassurance, but the only one who can give it to me is gone. I suppose we hadn't even gotten particularly close yet so I shouldn't be worrying as much as I am and honestly, the point of this website is suicide, so I should be relieved for her if she really gathered the courage to go through with it. Ultimately, I am being selfish.

 

[ankawannadie]

Unfortunately, I don't really think there's anything that can be done.

 

[Nitheful]

Unfortunately, I don't really think there's anything that can be done.

You're right, but it's an awful feeling nonetheless. Feel completely helpless and every day that passes, I lose hope. I just thought that if she were to CTB, she'd at least say goodbye. Maybe it'd be too difficult for her, she had said before that if she were to die, she'd want to do it impulsively before SI can kick in.

 

[Dejected 55]

There is a "User Discussion" thread where IF a mod knows a user deactivated their account or if it is known the person is "gone" then you'd get that info at least. Outside of that, honestly in a forum like this I think we kind of owe it to everyone to respect that if they disappear then if they wanted to contact us and were able to contact us, they would.

 

[-Link-]

What you want for her, is for her to be OK. It's perfectly natural to wish for somebody that they find their "OK'ness" in life rather than in death. So, I think it would be fair for you to give yourself permission to hope that she's still alive.

Personally, when I'm wondering about somebody here, I try to focus only on what I know of the situation, which is just that they're not active here right now. I remind myself that anything beyond that is just speculation because there could be any number of reasons why somebody's gone inactive, and most of those reasons don't involve injury or death.

When you catch your brain telling you stories, remember they're exactly that -- stories -- and the worst thing you can do is indulge them.

But sometimes you just can't get away from the idea that they could have died. Personally, when that happens, I remind myself that even if they've died, then they'll have at least found peace, and I try to find some kind of solace in that.

 

[Nitheful]

What you want for her, is for her to be OK. It's perfectly natural to wish for somebody that they find their "OK'ness" in life rather than in death. So, I think it would be fair for you to give yourself permission to hope that she's still alive.

Personally, when I'm wondering about somebody here, I try to focus only on what I know of the situation, which is just that they're not active here right now. I remind myself that anything beyond that is just speculation because there could be any number of reasons why somebody's gone inactive, and most of those reasons don't involve injury or death.

When you catch your brain telling you stories, remember they're exactly that -- stories -- and the worst thing you can do is indulge them.

But sometimes you just can't get away from the idea that they could have died. Personally, when that happens, I remind myself that even if they've died, then they'll have at least found peace, and I try to find some kind of solace in that.

Yes, you're right, your post has helped me calm down, thank you. I've been thinking up all the possible bad things that could have happened and ignoring the fact that the reason could be fairly mundane. It's too easy to get in that negative headspace, and it's only when you have someone hit you with a reality check like you have that you can break out of it.

What I know is that she's never been gone longer than two months, so I should at least wait for those two months to pass before paying this too much mind. I suppose what bothers me is that whether it was death or something simple, I may never know unless she returns. I hate not having any clarity.

But for now, there is no guarantee that she'll never return, so I'll stay calm and see what happens. Honestly, this is my fault for getting invested in someone too easily. I understand that connecting with people opens you up to all sorts of pain down the line, yet I do it anyway. Logic is only useful if you actually pay it heed, lol.

 

[pinstripe]

I think in a forum like this where many people are biding time and figuring things out until they can actually succeed, there's almost comfort in knowing someone hasn't returned. Many people on here have been here far longer than they intended to, one way or the other.

I know if I succeeded it would bring me joy to have someone still keeping me in their thoughts in a positive way.

I'm glad you're keeping your friend company by holding them in your thoughts. Hopefully not to your detriment but there's sweetness there.

 

[Lyn]

I guess there is nothing to be done. They either found peace or chose to try recovery and stay away from this forum. If we're taking about the "best options".

I really understand both outcomes.
The only way is just to move forward.
Everything that could happen is pretty much human and happens all the time.

Though I understand that concern really well...

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'll answer your question with a question; do you wholly believe in autonomy?

 

[claracatchingthebus]

I think in a forum like this where many people are biding time and figuring things out until they can actually succeed, there's almost comfort in knowing someone hasn't returned. Many people on here have been here far longer than they intended to, one way or the other.

I know if I succeeded it would bring me joy to have someone still keeping me in their thoughts in a positive way.

I'm glad you're keeping your friend company by holding them in your thoughts. Hopefully not to your detriment but there's sweetness there.

i really like this post

it's true in a way, even if it's so hard to accept

for many of us in this forum, we are not having fun, we don't want to be around or do this anymore, and for some it's much more excruciating than that. for the people who find a way to end their pain, we should be happy for them, even if sad for us when we miss them.

this person could have also gotten hospitalized and may end up just never coming back to SaSu because of that

we really have no way of knowing