N
noname223
Angelic
- Aug 18, 2020
- 4,548
I might kill myself in October. I never attempted and I want to be successful with the first time. I am very scared of the consequences of surviving. My mom might get another stroke and friends might leave me. I am very scared.
I am an extremely anxious person. And I am pretty sure SI will kick in. I even consider to lock myself in my room without my phone. So that I cannot seek help in my last minutes.
Do benzos really help in this instance? I had a lot of them here and yeah maybe if I took 5 times the usual dosage that could feel relaxing. But do they really help against SI? I will listen to songs for sure. Falling Down/ Sunlight on your skin of Lil Peep for sure.
I think my anxiety will be insanely high when I am facing death. Some people say attempts make future attempts easier some say more difficult it probably depends on the individual.
It can take up to 20 minutes until unconsciousness starts. That's a long time period to overthink it. And I am pretty good at overthinking.
I am not sure whether October is the right time point. My family can still support me. The future will be way worse. However, my prospects are very dark and it still would be a rational suicide. I cannot endure college anymore and my support network expects that of me.
I am an extremely anxious person. And I am pretty sure SI will kick in. I even consider to lock myself in my room without my phone. So that I cannot seek help in my last minutes.
Do benzos really help in this instance? I had a lot of them here and yeah maybe if I took 5 times the usual dosage that could feel relaxing. But do they really help against SI? I will listen to songs for sure. Falling Down/ Sunlight on your skin of Lil Peep for sure.
I think my anxiety will be insanely high when I am facing death. Some people say attempts make future attempts easier some say more difficult it probably depends on the individual.
It can take up to 20 minutes until unconsciousness starts. That's a long time period to overthink it. And I am pretty good at overthinking.
I am not sure whether October is the right time point. My family can still support me. The future will be way worse. However, my prospects are very dark and it still would be a rational suicide. I cannot endure college anymore and my support network expects that of me.
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