What constitutes as a 'real' friend for me IRL

[TAW122]

In several of my previous threads, I talk about my poor social life and problems with people (such as "It's just Facebook", "A story of my social failures", "problems with conversing with others" to name a few), especially getting real 'friends' and what not. In this thread, I will be discussing about my criteria that I have for determining whether someone is or isn't a 'real' friend, based on my life experiences. 'T' will represent true or yes while 'F' will represent false or no.

Table (based on a truth table of a logical conjunction)

Are they a 'real' friend​	In Real Life​	In Virtual World​	Result (Are they a 'real' friend?)​
Scenario A​	T​	T​	T​
Scenario B​	T​	F​	F​
Scenario C​	F​	T​	F​
Scenario D​	F​	F​	F​

In summary, based on the logical conjunction to model my criteria on what is considered a real friend in my life, this would mean that IRL, if someone is a real friend, they would be a friend both IRL (genuinely and not superficially) and online. They would not just ghost and/or delete someone but yet 'act' as a friend in real life. In summary, Scenario A means that said person is a friend IRL and also online. He/she adds me online and doesn't ghost or delete me but also initiates conversation and checks up time to time, as well as helping me in dire times. Then I too, return the favor for said person. That is a simple example of what I consider a real friend IRL. As for Scenario B, said person is friendly IRL but aside from that, doesn't really keep in contact or is rather cold and distant in the virtual world (online) which means he/she isn't as close and wouldn't be considered a real friend, possibly an acquaintance, which is someone who seems to like company in good times and convenient times. There is nothing wrong with that but I wouldn't consider him/her a real friend, just an acquaintance. Similarly, in Scenario C, instead of the person being friendly IRL, they are rather cold and distant, but online they act as a friend, and in this case, said person IRL would also not be a real friend, but also an acquaintance, a virtual one to be specific. Finally, in Scenario D, a person who is neither a friend IRL nor online would of course, be considered a stranger, another NPC in the sea of humanity.

Yes, granted there are exceptions and special cases, but I'm merely modeling and getting at the general cases, which is the typical scenarios IRL. What are your thoughts on this? Do you have a different criteria for determining who is a real friend IRL? In my life time, I have had some real friends while growing up, but sometime after university/college, at age 23, I've lost that friend as he parted ways and since then I've yet to have a real friend, someone who would hang out with me, initiate contact with me, and help me out when I need to (and vice versa). I know that things are more complex than that, but this is the general trend that I see in my many years of existence and experiences (yes it's anedoctal so I don't claim that others have it easier or better, or harder or worse than me.

 

[thouisdead]

You're very logical.
I never had a lot of friends and for me is hard to use social media (strangely, ss is the only social media that I use), so it's to extreme, being who I'm, to say that if someone just talks with me in rl he/she isn't my friend.
Even if I think it makes sense thinking this way (in our society we're distant from each other physically, and due to our mental pain it's even harder to comunicate the felt live, making the conversation online more appropriate/bearable), for me, the real life friendship, with face-to-face interaction, favors true feelings to express themselves, leaving almost no room for hidden lies, enabling true contact/relation. Just the true friendship have this kind of contact.
I know this kind of conception is ideal, but that's what real friendship is for me and the only way to get it is with this way (at least it's the only way that it satisfies me).

 

[BabyYoda]

That table just reminded me to do my math homework. Ugh.

Anyways, I have so much trouble finding a best friend because someone's definition of a "best friend" may be different from my definition. I try to keep mine simple but it doesn't really work at all. I would rather CTB than go through this shallow, unempathetic, cruel world. It's sickening how true human connections are WAY harder to find despite the technology that we have. This social isolation during quarantine is making it worse.

 

[TAW122]

You're very logical.
I never had a lot of friends and for me is hard to use social media (strangely, ss is the only social media that I use), so it's to extreme, being who I'm, to say that if someone just talks with me in rl he/she isn't my friend.
Even if I think it makes sense thinking this way (in our society we're distant from each other physically, and due to our mental pain it's even harder to comunicate the felt live, making the conversation online more appropriate/bearable), for me, the real life friendship, with face-to-face interaction, favors true feelings to express themselves, leaving almost no room for hidden lies, enabling true contact/relation. Just the true friendship have this kind of contact.
I know this kind of conception is ideal, but that's what real friendship is for me and the only way to get it is with this way (at least it's the only way that it satisfies me).

Thanks and being logical is just who I am and how I've developed as I grew up. It seems like your experiences are similar to mine and my criterion of determining who is a real friend IRL.

That table just reminded me to do my math homework. Ugh.

Anyways, I have so much trouble finding a best friend because someone's definition of a "best friend" may be different from my definition. I try to keep mine simple but it doesn't really work at all. I would rather CTB than go through this shallow, unempathetic, cruel world. It's sickening how true human connections are WAY harder to find despite the technology that we have. This social isolation during quarantine is making it worse.

Yes, that is really true and my criterion for determining who constitutes as a real friend IRL is what I consider for myself, thus what someone else thinks IRL would be very different from what I think. One of the most frustrating and rage inducing aspects IRL is that most people would try to patronize or baby talk me if I ever raised this issue. They would immediately go into saviour mode and patronization mode to tell me how I should appreciate what I have, invalidate and ignore everything I have to say and then preach as well as jump down my throat about how I need to appreciate things and other platitudes. Therefore, I've concluded that nobody IRL gives a shit, understands, let alone bothers to take me seriously when I raise such issues.