Venting What can still be done?

[chocolatebar]

My life wasn't really different from someone who has been in a coma for the last 13 years. It wasn't eventful since the beginning, but then it got worse, like some sort of conscious coma, in which I could see and hear everything and feel the world spinning around and around, while I was stuck in place.

I aged ( don't make me say the cursed number, please). Aging itself is terrible, but it's not just about time passing. It's about not doing anything with it. Things are irreversible, as in a matter of entropy, and I will never be able to do certain things, because they need to be experienced at a certain age. As a rough example, imagine dreaming of having a friend and to play with him on the ground, scattering toys all around. If you're not a kid, you can't do that anymore. Even if you sit on the ground to play with a kid, it's a totally different experience. I won't detail all the experiences I've misses, because you probably have several ideas, since I missed all of them.

Ever since I woke up from the coma, I've been trying to do some things, but it's not the same...

The people my age moved on and have different expectations for life. No one cares if I missed things or not, it's my problem. No one will help me, because I supposedly know how to do things and also because I'm... to old. This is something that hurts me a lot. I've never seen people talk to much about age before. All problems and behaviors are being attributed to some sort of generation and we're losing our identities.

Now, back to me. What can be done about me? I'm an anomaly. I can't live anymore the experiences I want to and I'm not enjoying being someone older trying to to juvenile things. I also don't want to give up and become a senior.

There's no logical path to me. It's like a broken glass. I can't do anything with the fragments, it's all lost forever.


Sorry if my words don't make sense or form a sequence. It was the best I could do in this moment.

 

[Klophy]

I can understand, life kept on going but for some reason we were on the sidelines, we were alive but not living.

I wonder too about what can be done, will new experiences fill the gap? Or is there nothing to build upon?

All I can really say is, if you do find something you enjoy doing don't let your age stop you, joy is something hard to come by.

 

[rationaltake]

Wow! I'm in pretty much the same position. You express it so eloquently. As I can't.

 

[whatevs]

You have to carve your own path, or die trying. We were never meant for a normal life. It's just a matter of accepting that you live in an entirely different Universe and don't try to use creatures of a different species to gauge your own success or failure.

I once saw a documentary about dangerous criminals and even though they were monsters one thing one of them said felt very resonating for me. "At first I tried to fight it, but then I realized that if that's what I am I have to become comfortable being myself".

 

[chocolatebar]

I can understand, life kept on going but for some reason we were on the sidelines, we were alive but not living.

I wonder too about what can be done, will new experiences fill the gap? Or is there nothing to build upon?

All I can really say is, if you do find something you enjoy doing don't let your age stop you, joy is something hard to come by.

left to the side... alive, but not living... it hurts to even read it. It's really close to my experience.

Thank you for your words. I'm trying really hard to enjoy something while I still can.

Wow! I'm in pretty much the same position. You express it so eloquently. As I can't.

THank you for your words and sorry for being in the same place. No one deserves to be in this condition.

You have to carve your own path, or die trying. We were never meant for a normal life. It's just a matter of accepting that you live in an entirely different Universe and don't try to use creatures of a different species to gauge your own success or failure.

I once saw a documentary about dangerous criminals and even though they were monsters one thing one of them said felt very resonating for me. "At first I tried to fight it, but then I realized that if that's what I am I have to become comfortable being myself".

Interesting point of view. I find myself between 2 extremes. Sometimes, I feel like too different from the other people, like being a different species, as you say, and sometimes, I feel like we're all one and the same.

 

[whatevs]

Interesting point of view. I find myself between 2 extremes. Sometimes, I feel like too different from the other people, like being a different species, as you say, and sometimes, I feel like we're all one and the same.

I mean, both things are true. Philosophically monism is undisputable as an ultimate reality or the highest abstraction, but as an individual one can suffer an extremely uncommon life experience, which prevents communion and understanding with 99.9% of people.

I tend to think it's also a problem for people that feel like they didn't really live that they were gripped by fear, excluding chronic illness and such, which also prevents you from actually living. In my case I've had both.

 

[WitheringAway]

I'm in the same boat except that I've been well aware that I've been existing not actually living. It hurt to feel like you don't belong and see people your age enjoying things you can't because you're hung up on the things you missed.

 

[Dead Horse]

You basically described my life. I can't express how hopeless I feel. And it's not just a feeling, it's a reality. I find it so hard to try to get better when I know for a fact that that "better" will never come remotely close to "good". Nothing helpful or positive to add. I just relate so much to everything you wrote.

 

[chocolatebar]

I mean, both things are true. Philosophically monism is undisputable as an ultimate reality or the highest abstraction, but as an individual one can suffer an extremely uncommon life experience, which prevents communion and understanding with 99.9% of people.

I tend to think it's also a problem for people that feel like they didn't really live that they were gripped by fear, excluding chronic illness and such, which also prevents you from actually living. In my case I've had both.

You're right about that. We're all the same in several aspects, but, at the experience level, we're so different.

the last time you mentioned about being gripped by fear, I think I didn't understand or conceptualized exactly what you meant. I will take some time to better understand it when I'm not feeling all this heaviness over me. Actually, it may not be a really good idea for me to come here when feeling so bad, since I can't properly interact.