What can I do to dimish my loved one pain

[FlREWORK]

Hi,

I have been contemplating death and suicide for a long time now, basically since I'm a teenager. I'm still unsure about all of it. It also seems like I can't make my "perfect death" happen and because of that, I can't seem to actually commit. But this is not the reason I am writting this.

I'll say this though, I am sure that I will commit suicide someday and that someday is becoming sooner and sooner as life is becoming harder and harder without any hope in sight.

I fear a lot for my partner and for my parents. I promised them multiples times I would never try again and I want to make it easier for them, I want to reduce to a minimal the pain I will give them by killing myself. I feel like writting some sort of suicide letter might answer questions but it really hurt and stresses me to know the pain I will be causing, I can't help but feel this is not enough, I have to leave them more before I go but I do not know what and how.

Anyone have some similar thoughts? Any idea on how to ease the pain I will cause on them ?

 

[weldermike]

I don't think you can, which is stopping as I have kids,
Was on antidepressants but didn't really take them but kept up with getting the prescription every couple of months but at the moment I'm taking them without fail, so I give my kids a chance of a dad

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

To be fair, anything that you will do regarding CTB will always result in pain. I don't think there is anything you can do to diminish the pain for others- it will always be there :(

 

[Goth_tt_B]

As someone else stated, there really isn't much you can do to lessen the pain. No matter the method or reason, they will be hurt. I can say that i understand where you're coming from as I also have been suicidal for at least a decade and depressed longer. Within the last year I have accepted that however/whenever I die, it will be my own doing. Whether it is planned or spontaneous. That being said, I figured the best option to "help" is if i were to have a letter just breaking down why I felt the need to CTB and answer whatever questions I think they would have so that I don't leave them thinking they could have prevented it or it was because of them. And taking care of everything I can before I go so that they will have less to deal with. I met a great guy who became my bestfriend and eventually dated once we met in person. We grew as close as we did after we found out about each others past with suicidal ideation and attempts. That being said, as much as I understood his mind and how he felt about death, in my 25 years of life have not experienced any pain close to when I found out he was successful. Even though I 110% understood where he was coming from and leaving me a 7 page letter explaining things I knew, and how much he loved me like no other.
I'm sorry it's not so much help but rather I understand how you feel and how it feels to be on the other side. I'm sorry you have to feel stuck like this :/

 

[maniac116]

Don't commit suicide is the short answer.
Nothing in this world can provide closure to losing a child... Nothing!
I'm pro choice all the way but that collateral damage that can't be avoided.
So my suggestion is if that bothers you, you're not 110% committed to ctb. So just find a way to live your life. I know it's easier said than done but it can be done my friend...

 

[Skylar6]

I have handwritten a one page letter of farewell to my daughter. Its important she knows it's not her fault, that I love her deeply and that I'm sorry that I have to go. Some kind of closure for those I love is the least I can do. A brief explanation of why. Each day I drop her at college I we chat and joke in the car. I tell her I love her and to have a great day. I want her last memory of me to be a good one.