What brought on your depression?

[Broken]

Drug taking, and having the oppurtunity to get out of that life but messed up. Realising that after being alive for 31 years I've just existed and haven't achieved anything.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

PTSD, first event happened at 3.
Never being able to fit in and make friends, bullied a lot.
I also have dyspraxia.
There's a chance I have autism, 3 health care professionals have said I should get tested for it but I never have.
Not being able to do the things I want

 

[MartEU]

I've been depressed as long as I can remember, I think it got really bad when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness.

 

[ExitTheDay]

A lot of things, mostly due to the fact that this world is just too fucked up and I wish I could see it change for the better, and I really want to be that change but sometimes I just feel so useless to do so in the first place

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

Going to school. If I was homeschooled it would probably be different. I felt like my future was sold.

 

[Sunset764]

School. I had no friends and was bullied quite a lot.

 

[Darkhaven]

Social Isolation and Neurological Disease

 

[Severen]

Realizing the world is completely fucked and humanity is a monstrosity. That the few good things/people can't make up for the horrible, and that it's just not worth it (for me). That I'm not cut out for life.

Yeah, humanity has truly fucked up past the point of no return. One would need a time machine, to prevent this from happening.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

Growing up in a tense, unhappy household with an alcoholic, emotionally abusive father.
Being an extremely anxious child by nature anyway, but having the depression exacerbated by: the above-mentioned household, low self-esteem, being bullied all the way through school and never fitting in or having any kind of clear goals or purpose, a series of terrible relationships, not being able to make or keep friends, poor health all my life but worsening severely in my mid 20s which led to a hysterectomy and other hormone imbalances and chronic illnesses and chronic pain, being unable to have kids or even enjoy a sex life, almost total isolation these last 10 years and having to be completely dependent on others to survive (which I realize I"m fortunate I have help at all in that respect but the person/s helping me are resentful about it, and so I just feel great guilt about being a burden to them and resentment towards God or the universe or whatever about being born into this shit body and mind and being unable to make my own choices and decisions for basically all my adult life), and finally -- my mom's death 5 years ago (she was the only person who even remotely cared about me and who I'd talk to on a regular basis, and with her gone I feel completely rudderless and adrift).

 

[Mart]

Me

 

[Severen]

Growing up in a tense, unhappy household with an alcoholic, emotionally abusive father.
Being an extremely anxious child by nature anyway, but having the depression exacerbated by: the above-mentioned household, low self-esteem, being bullied all the way through school and never fitting in or having any kind of clear goals or purpose, a series of terrible relationships, not being able to make or keep friends, poor health all my life but worsening severely in my mid 20s which led to a hysterectomy and other hormone imbalances and chronic illnesses and chronic pain, being unable to have kids or even enjoy a sex life, almost total isolation these last 10 years and having to be completely dependent on others to survive (which I realize I"m fortunate I have help at all in that respect but the person/s helping me are resentful about it, and so I just feel great guilt about being a burden to them and resentment towards God or the universe or whatever about being born into this shit body and mind and being unable to make my own choices and decisions for basically all my adult life), and finally -- my mom's death 5 years ago (she was the only person who even remotely cared about me and who I'd talk to on a regular basis, and with her gone I feel completely rudderless and adrift).

The alcoholic emotionally abuse father. I'm an expert on this subject. Because these types of people are one of the reasons, there are so many sociopaths in this world. And why my father is a sociopath. And why my sister is a sociopath as well. Because when you subject a child to X amount of abuse, you can damage his or her brain in a way, that turns the child into a sociopath for life. The human mind is very fragile as a child and you can pretty much, completely destroy it. And all my life, people have tried to turn me into a sociopath, but they failed. Not entirely, unfortunately. Because they basically turned me into a borderline sociopath. Sounds like, your father failed his mission otherwise you would be incapable of feeling any guilt or anything really and probably wouldn't be here in the first place.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

The alcoholic emotionally abuse father. I'm an expert on this subject. Because these types of people are one of the reasons, there are so many sociopaths in this world. And why my father is a sociopath. And why my sister is a sociopath as well. Because when you subject a child to X amount of abuse, you can damage his or her brain in a way, that turns the child into a sociopath for life. The human mind is very fragile as a child and you can pretty much, completely destroy it. And all my life, people have tried to turn me into a sociopath, but they failed. Not entirely, unfortunately. Because they basically turned me into a borderline sociopath. Sounds like, your father failed his mission otherwise you would be incapable of feeling any guilt or anything really and probably wouldn't be here in the first place.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many in your family being like that. :( You're so right about the human mind being very fragile, and how a child's mind is so easily shattered and ruined so that they're not 'normal' or, at least, struggle for the rest of their life trying to be. :( Was your father an alcoholic too, or was it your grandfather and the effects trickled down? Either way, it's horrible. I have a sister and while I wouldnt call her a sociopath, so definitely has mental health issues and is a narcissist and manipulator and selfish person to the Nth degree. I basically have no relationship with her although I've tried. I finally gave up in these last months. She doesn't care. Thank you for your thoughtful reply to my post and the kind words. <3

 

[Voy]

Realizing the world is completely fucked and humanity is a monstrosity. That the few good things/people can't make up for the horrible, and that it's just not worth it (for me). That I'm not cut out for life.

This. And my poor physical health, and my poor living environment, can't find any way I'm getting out of this. I've seen this coming years ago, but the media and society keep saying everything is fine, we have plenty of time etc. Now I realized everything is a lie.

 

[Severen]

This. And my poor physical health, and my poor living environment, can't find any way I'm getting out of this. I've seen this coming years ago, but the media and society keep saying everything is fine, we have plenty of time etc. Now I realized everything is a lie.

Pretty much, everything mainstream is just there to BS people to further one agenda or another... And absolutely has nothing to do with benefiting you in anyway. In most cases, the goal is to scam you into living a certain lifestyle so they can make $$$ off your ass.

 

[azucaramargo]

Haha well thanks but I'm really not either anymore!

I disagree.

 

[marcusuk63]

My brain , as that is the thing that makes me me , it worries , it makes wrong decisions all the time , it takes the left path when it should have taken the right , it doesn't like to party , socialise or mix , nothing stimulates it , it has never had any goals or ambitions and has very little RAM, it is a bargain basement brain if it was in a shop it would be in the 99p basket

 

[Superfluous]

I think mine may be hereditary as my father also suffered from depression. Probably exacerbated by excessive daily alcohol consumption and smoking weed.

 

[Lara Francis]

I lost my Son and now I just exist, I don't want this life I just need peace now it's too hard.

so sorry to hear this.x

 

[my heart hurts]

Whatever caused the dissociative amnesia and schizophrenia. I wish I could remember what happened.

 

[Orin]

Was there a specific event or change that brought on your depression?

My first suicidal ideation occurred in high school, due to bullying.

Decades later, the depression is now mostly from not fitting in to society.

But ever since i discovered this site, this feeling of being a sort of "freak" has diminished since i can communicate with people who are quite compassionate and understanding, and i really appreciate that.