Discussion What are your reasons for still living and not doing it

[TekkenPlayer]

I just wanna know what keeps you going, is it a goal you wish to achieve, a person you don't want to hurt? Feel free to write as much as you want I'll read everything. This is kind of a cry for help if I'm being honest. I'm just getting more and more tired everyday. I'm still alive because I don't want to do this to my family that's the only reason I have to keep going. I need to read through something that makes me feel more hopeful for the future and/or gives me more strength to keep going
At the very least if it doesn't help me maybe you can pick each other up through this thread :)

 

[Paper_Cut_93]

The reason I haven't killed myself yet is, first, because I don't have a quick, painless method at hand.

Second, because I still have a small spark of hope that things might get better.

Finally, I have two siblings and two good friends who are important to me. We'll see what this year and next bring. I hope only the best for all of us here on this little website.

 

[wham311]

I just can't. I am beyond miserable

 

[livershapedbox]

I'm worried that someone I love a lot wouldn't be alright without me, since she's depressed and I'm her only close friend. There's also the survival instinct I guess, I'm still irrationaly afraid of death

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't feel like I could put my Dad through my suicide. I don't think I have much hope that life will get better. I'm just trying to ensure it doesn't get worse! Maybe I'm not as intensely suicidal as I have been recently. I think it's because I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. Again though, it's not really hope making me bouyant, it's more acceptance that I have to be here for now. That to be here involves working and that I need to do it to my best ability so as to keep my job and, not get into trouble/ let people down.

I'm currently trying to tell myself it will be ok. I'll get through it. I'll put familiar box sets on in the background (I work from home) and, all the time, I'll be getting nearer the point I can go.

I'm a bit of an imposter in the 'recovery' section to be honest. I don't really even intend to 'recover' but, I do need to do all I can to hold on a bit longer.

I wish I wasn't so tired though. I've really been so lazy recently and I have so little energy or fitness now. I'm in for some very rough weeks I think.

 

[qw3rty259]

I have a cat and mom who will be really upset. I would perfect if they both could die first, so I wouldn't anxious about their future. It made me stick here for a pretty long time, but my dreams aren't going to come true, cause my current state of body is getting unbearable. At least I leave a pretty solid sum of money for her, i just hope she will be ok and that the money will become handy

 

[derekWest]

Good question !

My gay hookcups.
Family.
Work.
Fear of death.
Fear to fail.

 

[iw2live_idkhow]

someone keeps asking me to live, I made the mistake of having them care about me, and so I owe them that much at least

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Adult kids who still need financial support, although that's slowly fading away. Wife who wouldn't have enough money to get by without me, and that is slowly improving too as we get old. I'm just a cog in their lives, but slowly becoming less needed.

 

[Majima Goro's Wife]

Hi
My last wish is to just enjoy life a little more until I cannot take it, wearing nice clothes, being a little shameless, a little selfish, maybe waiting for some events where I can show off, and that's pretty much it :c

 

[ashendreams]

my mom, i guess. shes had enough people in her family die early. idk if she could handle another one. and my grandma cuz im sorta her caregiver and i guess itd be a hassle for her to find someone else.

 

[TekkenPlayer]

The reason I haven't killed myself yet is, first, because I don't have a quick, painless method at hand.

You're so real for that one, if I had a gun at my disposal I'm sure the trigger would've been pulled by now

Finally, I have two siblings and two good friends who are important to me. We'll see what this year and next bring. I hope only the best for all of us here on this little website

Younger or older siblings? And I too hope the best for you and all of us here

I wish I wasn't so tired though. I've really been so lazy recently and I have so little energy or fitness now. I'm in for some very rough weeks I think.

Yea I feel you, being suicidal makes me especially tired and just so out of focus like someone can show me basic instructions on something and I just forget half the things I've been told because I cannot physically pay attention to what's happening right in front of me

I have a cat and mom who will be really upset. I would perfect if they both could die first, so I wouldn't anxious about their future. It made me stick here for a pretty long time, but my dreams aren't going to come true, cause my current state of body is getting unbearable. At least I leave a pretty solid sum of money for her, i just hope she will be ok and that the money will become handy

What problems does your body have?

Adult kids who still need financial support, although that's slowly fading away. Wife who wouldn't have enough money to get by without me, and that is slowly improving too as we get old. I'm just a cog in their lives, but slowly becoming less needed.

What makes you feel like a cog?

 

[Paper_Cut_93]

You're so real for that one, if I had a gun at my disposal I'm sure the trigger would've been pulled by now

Younger or older siblings? And I too hope the best for you and all of us here

Yea I feel you, being suicidal makes me especially tired and just so out of focus like someone can show me basic instructions on something and I just forget half the things I've been told because I cannot physically pay attention to what's happening right in front of me

What problems does your body have?

What makes you feel like a cog?

I'd also prefer a hole in my head in the right place to lying dismembered on the railway tracks. SN isn't easy to get, and the rope thing doesn't seem to be that easy either.

My siblings are younger, but both are already adults.

 

[ComparativelyHonest]

I'm just scared. If it was the peaceful death that I want it to be, then I'd be gone already. But every method available to me is logistically difficult or it will hurt.

 

[almaPerdida]

My parents and brother. My grandma passed recently and my dad is still recovering, it took us all by surprise and i feel reluctant to leave him now. And if i fail, i fear it might affect future job searches for me, and maybe my plans to leave the country.

I wanna work in a specific field that might not accept me so easily if i have medical record of a failed suicidal attempt. Or i might just be paranoid. But if i did get a job in that field or work in another country, i wouldn't be suicidal anymore. So there's a little hope that i sort things out yet. The problem is, i have had hope for years and it hasn't paid off yet. Deep down i wanna fix my life and im working on doing so, but doesn't feel worth so far. The more i live, the more i wish i had CtB later. But at the same time, i know that i can make this decision later, i am in no rush. I just wish i'd see some progress anytime soon or something could cheer me up a little. I just need some motivation

 

[Saki]

Last promises

 

[Someplace_nice]

I found someone who builds me up and makes sure that everyday is better than the last. I live for him and dream of having children with him, to start a family and raise healthy, happy, and sturdy children. I want to put more food in this world bc of my husband, I owe my life to him, if he didn't call the police on me I would've tried to CTB again and died. He saved me just as I saved him.

 

[TheStrawberriest]

On Wednesday, I was actually ready to make an attempt. While I was preparing myself, both mentally and physically, a friend of mine showed up at my place. I think my friends had a bad feeling about me and sent him to check on me. He came by with food and didn't even hold it against me when I got angry at him and shouted for him to leave. At that point, I lost the mental state of mind I needed to go through with it.

On Friday, some of my friends took me out for a night on the town paid for on their dime. It was nice.

I love them for it, but they make this all far too difficult. The joy and happiness they give me lends me just the smallest amount of hope. Maybe, with luck, I can give it one more try and turn it all around. However, every time, without fail, I sit down to think about what I'm supposed to do, and I come up with nothing.

Life's obstacles are just too insurmountable for me. I can't expect my friends to pay for my bills or support me. They're all just treating the symptoms but can't actually do anything for the root problem. It's nothing I'm blaming them for, I just wish they'd get tired of me already so I don't have anything left to tie me down here.

 

[Amile]

Family, wanting to test things again as a last resort and the fact that i just can't to it impulsively. I already has the means and also i have pretty mad meltdowns on a regular basis. If i could do it by impulse i would be already dead long time ago.
Because of that i want to plan my suicide to the minimal detail as far i can and also because of that i come here, i will die on a 29 leap year at 29 years old, that will be in like almost 7 years and dying in a 29 leap day at exactly 29 years old sounds kinda cool, and very few people can do it, and only in one day. Also i want to do the maximum harm reduction possible and leave money and everything.
If i remember that plans and carry on it it would be pretty sure that is not a impulsive thing at the slightest and was a totally clearheaded decision, knowing what i'm dropping with more than a 1/4 of my expected life expectancy behind. If i remember that plans and still live that also would be a conscious desition to live instead of being just to forced to exist, like i feel already.
Maybe i will suicide by impulse in a meltdown or will die by out of my control means (like an accident or a sudden mortal illness) but outside of that, these are my life plans.