What are your reasons for committing suicide?

[danlippers67]

Been on here for a few weeks and was wondering what the general consensus was

 

[Enoughnow]

An ex who completely destroyed my life Nd me in every way he won't stop till he does I just want to be dead then he can never do anything to hurt me ill be at peace

 

[Squiddy]

My cognitive issues such as having a really bad memory (forgetting whole conversations sometimes within seconds of having it), not being able to articulate myself well verbally where I have ideas of what to say in my head, but can't form the sentences, having to reread things many times because it doesn't stick, having a really bad attention span, my family treating me like crap and my mental illnesses. My life is a big joke and I feel myself growing more and more tired of it. I haven't made the decision yet, but the option is very much on the table

 

[Nightmare Painting]

I've been disabled since childhood from various traumas and I've never recovered emotionally or cognitively. I'm over 30 and I have nothing to show for it; never been happy or loved and I live with chronic pain conditions alongside my mental problems. I don't have a future except for loneliness, poverty, and disability. My dog was the only good thing in my life and I stayed an extra few years for his sake but he's gone now too. I've never wanted to be alive for a single moment so I'm probably on the extreme end of the spectrum here.

I'm still stuck with my abusive family who don't think they've done anything wrong, I can't hold a job and don't want to, I'm agoraphobic, always been alone, I don't drive, I can't focus or remember properly and have never been able to. Being emotionally numb because of my traumas and three decades of loneliness are probably the biggest factors though.

 

[tieiwi]

Had an abusive childhood…It really messed up my life. I have no education, no job, I don't drive. I don't want to do anything. I don't see the point in any of it…

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

heartbreak

 

[Neowise]

My narcissistic mother abusing me so much emotionally that I started talking about killing myself in 3rd or 4th grade already. Thus, I have no self-esteem and have always hated myself.

On top of that I am weird, meaning my interests and behaviour don't match the norm so I never really belonged anywhere and was never popular. So many kids used to bully me at school for so many years.
I am a scatterbrain which makes me seem pretty retarded - but perhaps I am, my marks have always been average at best. I have no talent and nothing I am good at. I just suck as a person. This fuels my self-hate.

Or in one sentence: abuse and my unusual character have never enabled me a happy life, I never learned what is supposed to be so good about life and at this point I think I am unable to learn, I'll always stay sad and empty.

 

[LastFlowers]

In the words of the woman who brutally-and unfairly-insulted Conan O'Brien:




..Obviously it's a bit more complicated than that, but my existence has been a never-ending domino effect straight from the pits of hell. I'm done being imprisoned behind these bars of flesh and enduring the endless consequences that come along with that.
I have yet to even have a life, and still my time here is soon to be over.
I'm in constant physical and mental discomfort, severe pain (emotionally and bodily), and I can't so much as sleep in peace without writhing and grabbing at my own skin, choking and sobbing even in my dreams…nightmares, by day and night.

 

[FuneralCry]

My reason for wanting ctb is that I prefer the sound of non existence, I want to be nothing. I find life to be unbearable and I want to escape from all pain and suffering. I have no interest in living and I am not meant for this world. I struggle to cope with life. There is nothing here for me in this world. For me life itself is the problem, there is nothing that would ever make me want to live. I do not want to live in a world where there is no limit as to how bad things can get. To me the fact that life is even a thing in the first place is horrifying.

 

[oohiniyorafaad]

no contact with my mom and sister even when trying to repair the relationship, left home to live with my boyfriend, unable to maintain (What I think) is good communication/good relationship with my siblings because of my mom, seizure disorder that I'm sure is a result of trauma and depression etc, adjustment disorder completely incapable of coping with the shit I've been dealing with for the past 3 years. my emotions are all over the place, but one thing has not wavered the

no contact with my mom and sister even when trying to repair the relationship, left home to live with my boyfriend, unable to maintain (What I think) is good communication/good relationship with my siblings because of my mom, seizure disorder that I'm sure is a result of trauma and depression etc, adjustment disorder completely incapable of coping with the shit I've been dealing with for the past 3 years. my emotions are all over the place, but one thing has not wavered the

idea that I must leave this earth by suicide, hopefully by the end of this year. There are just some things I need to do

 

[deletednumber]

Severe depression and a shitty family

 

[Bedrock48]

• BPD - More specifically two different aspects of the disorder. The first the destabalisation of mood. It can literally feel as violent and sudden as running into a concrete wall and try as you might sometimes there's just no way to fully control it. The second is the fact that a large portion of BPD is caused by trauma and other people's actions, especially towards me at a young age when there was no chance for me to even protect myself. Meaning that my disorder might've been completely PREVENTED. I may have just ended up with depression or anxiety or something, seeing as there is evidence that some of it can be genetic. No, I am not saying those disorders are desirable or any less painful, just they are a much different and much less stigmatised beast.
• I'm unsure if this one is as relevant in my life as it once was, but for a long while having to deal with getting back to life and learning to live with covid was very difficult to manage. I felt, and im some way still feel, like I've been left behind. In the worst of it many, many people were miserable but we were miserable together. Now there are no more lockdowns most people have gone back to living their lives. Im so happy for them, so fucking happy for them but now I feel like I cannot share my misery as much anymore because my neurotypical friends can no longer relate to it, life is much better for them once again. Sorry if this one sounds too whiny.
• Just feeling a general disconnect from the world, partially to do with the point above. Feeling like I don't fit the mould that I should do and feeling inadequete for that. I can't hold a job, can't keep the cogs of capitalism churning yet also don't have the will or money to escape it, I feel broken
• The mental health system - This one should be self explanatory. Most of us hate it and many of us get failed by it. Not everyone's experience, I've witnessed many lives saved and transformed by it but it still lacks what's necessary to save everyone imo

Anyways, I'm gonna shut up now and stop reading through my note before I make myself sad. I like to keep this is a deep, dark chest in my mind locked away when it can only really hurt me when I feel it's needed. Love you guys.

 

[cyanlove]

I'm mostly just really tired. Just thinking about living for years and years makes me sick. I just want it all to be over.

 

[Karik892]

Depression (asocial temperament, Permanent Anxiety, solitude) and Health issues

 

[MsSelfsabotage]

I have a bunch of reasons but in general just sick and tired of life itself. Like who the F invented this? Eminem's song "If I had" describes it best.

What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
Put in front of your optical to slow you down
And every time you think you've gotten past it
It's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground

Tired of starting all over again, motivating myself for literally nothing. Life is so random and senseless. You can be gone tomorrow and the sun will rise as if nothing happened.

 

[AloeGarten]

AvPD. disgusting mental illness that completley ruined my life since i was a child, now leaving me an empty shell of a person. and of course like many others said, its all just tiring. at this point i dont even think i want to get better, its all just so tiring

 

[Insomniac]

unemployment.

 

[xudarres]

An ex who completely destroyed my life Nd me in every way he won't stop till he does I just want to be dead then he can never do anything to hurt me ill be at peace

ok but then you're letting him win why not succeed and be unbothered just to spite him tbh

 

[downndone2]

I quite literally ruined my life abd lost everything after some very poor decisions and medical issues several yrs back.

I was doing better for a little bitvafter yrs of despair but now I'm right back to it again

The depression, anxiety, despair are crippling. I'm isolated and miserable.

I've been hanging on for my grown kids, dogs, a few friends

To be honest though, if I could work out arrangements for NY dogs I don't know that I'd make it much longer at all. Literally looking at all methods and planning on where to go to do it...I don't want to ctb at home because I don't want my kids to have to deal with it or the thought

 

[dumblosergirl]

• BPD - More specifically two different aspects of the disorder. The first the destabalisation of mood. It can literally feel as violent and sudden as running into a concrete wall and try as you might sometimes there's just no way to fully control it. The second is the fact that a large portion of BPD is caused by trauma and other people's actions, especially towards me at a young age when there was no chance for me to even protect myself. Meaning that my disorder might've been completely PREVENTED. I may have just ended up with depression or anxiety or something, seeing as there is evidence that some of it can be genetic. No, I am not saying those disorders are desirable or any less painful, just they are a much different and much less stigmatised beast.
• I'm unsure if this one is as relevant in my life as it once was, but for a long while having to deal with getting back to life and learning to live with covid was very difficult to manage. I felt, and im some way still feel, like I've been left behind. In the worst of it many, many people were miserable but we were miserable together. Now there are no more lockdowns most people have gone back to living their lives. Im so happy for them, so fucking happy for them but now I feel like I cannot share my misery as much anymore because my neurotypical friends can no longer relate to it, life is much better for them once again. Sorry if this one sounds too whiny.
• Just feeling a general disconnect from the world, partially to do with the point above. Feeling like I don't fit the mould that I should do and feeling inadequete for that. I can't hold a job, can't keep the cogs of capitalism churning yet also don't have the will or money to escape it, I feel broken
• The mental health system - This one should be self explanatory. Most of us hate it and many of us get failed by it. Not everyone's experience, I've witnessed many lives saved and transformed by it but it still lacks what's necessary to save everyone imo

Anyways, I'm gonna shut up now and stop reading through my note before I make myself sad. I like to keep this is a deep, dark chest in my mind locked away when it can only really hurt me when I feel it's needed. Love you guys.

Same here I feel sick of living with BPD.

 

[sunsetting]

Never had any support from my family while growing up and was always treated as I'm not really part of it. Fast forward some years I got behind my peers and now success feels like a distant thing if not straight up impossible and got tired of this bullshit life where everything's has to be hard to reach while everyone else had it easy. Just that, don't even feel sad or angry anymore, just so apathetic that I see no reason to live.

 

[astynkx]

This is strange but my dopamine works the other way around. In other words, a part of me wants everything to be messed up. It results in many complications but the worst one is fear of people. I don't want to be respected, I don't like it when girls begin chatting with me first, so my brain turns on fear at max so that I would be the pussiest person in the world and people despise me. I'm tired of fighting this fear so that's the primary reason why I want to die. This description is very shallow and doesn't even cover a 1% of what I've felt though.

 

[EndlessDream]

This is strange but my dopamine works the other way around. In other words, a part of me wants everything to be messed up. It results in many complications but the worst one is fear of people. I don't want to be respected, I don't like it when girls begin chatting with me first, so my brain turns on fear at max so that I would be the pussiest person in the world and people despise me. I'm tired of fighting this fear so that's the primary reason why I want to die. This description is very shallow and doesn't even cover a 1% of what I've felt though.

I find comfort in disastrous situations then I can justify my fucked up decisions and thinking lol

 

[astynkx]

I find comfort in disastrous situations then I can justify my fucked up decisions and thinking lol

what's the point of your post

 

[stermc]

The fact that I think and feel too much since I was young. Exhaustion.

 

[blanket99]

My biggest reason is that I'll likely be homeless in the near future, and I have no friends, family, or other support that I can rely on. This is nothing new, and I've made bad decisions in the past (and have become homeless) and have dug myself out of the hole I've helped put myself in. I think even if I did have someone I could trust to talk to, I would be afraid of "showing my hand" so to speak

I'm now on the verge of just saying fuck it, I'm too tired, hurt (physically and emotionally), and disgusted to do anything about it. The tiny bit of hope I still have wavers day-to-day.

 

[HayBunny23]

Pain, sadness, boredom, hating myself, hating the world, but mostly the overwhelming sense of nothing being worth it. Even a happy life barely feels worth it. Everything is just pointless.

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

I'm scared if I continue to live I'm gonna end up unemployed and homeless because I'm too lazy and exhausted to actually survive. I'm scared I'm gonna drag other people into that.

 

[StringPuppet]

I don't like being me.

 

[makebelieve]

ugly face, loneliness, anxiety, and severe painful acne.

btw love the zapfish avi.