What are your main reasons for wanting to ctb ?

[The anhedonic one]

The only cure for mental illness is a new brain or death. To be in an anhedonic state is to be close to death.

Anhedonia has killed me. My body moves, yet I'm dead inside. A walking talking dead man.

 

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

So sorry.

Thank you. For years my brain hid it from me, and then for years I kept quiet. I told it to my second psychiatrist and psychologist involved with my uni, but they totally ditched it. Only another psychiatrist started working in this direction to help me. Other events probably fucked me up too, but not as much as this. I also want to CTB through mental illness and other stuff, and I don't know how to live with it and how others do it for the long term. I'm a little long-winded, but a simple "sorry" made me a little warmer.

 

[The anhedonic one]

You are more than welcome.
I had a certain CSA experience around the age of 6. Even just typing this fact out makes me feel dreadful.
I'm glad I helped you feel a little warmer.

 

[cyuj]

Always being told I'm not enough having, no family (family who wants me) or friends, and my parents always blaming me for anything that goes wrong . The 2 school shootings I've lived through l, I have to much wrong with me and everyday I live is pain and I just want it to end.

What makes you want to put yourself out of your misery ?
Is it:
1. Mental illness.
2. A general life problem, money etc.
3. Relationship problems, or lack of companionship.
4. Existential crisis.

I tick all 4 boxes.

 

[Das Nichts]

Probably existential crisis. I've put myself into a situation where I don't wanna be.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Always being told I'm not enough having, no family or friends, and my parents always blaming me for anything that goes wrong. The 2 school shootings I've lived through l, I have to much wrong with me and everyday I live is pain and I just want it to end.

So sorry you are going through this.

 

[mojabaka]

I got POTS due to the "vaccine".

 

[The anhedonic one]

I got POTS due to the "vaccine".

There are a lot of people, especially young people suffering from myocarditis, and pericarditis these days.
Much more so than usual.
Sorry you are going through this.

 

[Unknown21]

Poverty
Mental illness

 

[UKscotty]

None of them, my mental health is quite good, I have a good job, partner etc.

The thing for me is, once I was awoken to how pointless life is, its hard to unknow that.

We are here to slave away and breed more slaves.

 

[spøgelse]

GD caused by being transsex. puberty deformed me. i am a walking ghost. not alive, but not dead.

 

[murmur]

The world has lost a basic understanding of respect and kindness, although I have found these things peppered throughout my life, things that put a spark in life, I don't know how i can feel content when dysfunction constantly beats down my spirit, it's the abnormal amount of ills I see in everything around me, just to feel a percentage of the world's heaviness, a percentage is unbearable to endure, the pain in this world truly takes up the bulk of it

 

[FireFox]

This is a mirror image of all I have been through and am currently going through.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. It is truly the nightmare.

@The anhedonic one Thanks for understanding. Sometimes I now feel like I never had a chance in my life. I grew up with a single mother who was always stressed about work and at times took it out on me. I don't ask my mum for help due to her lack of patience and always being preoccupied with stuff.

I have the worst relatives ever who were never around when my mum was struggling because they are selfish people who didnt care . I hate for them this because life would have been a lot easier had all helped my mother. I have this large fucking fault tree and my grandmother and mother throughout their lives have always been helping relatives. This is how they get repayed. My mother and grandmother still love these ungrateful pieces of shit.
I will always hate them forever because they are to blame for some of the problems in my life.

 

[GasMonkey]

Genetics+Environment.

 

[The anhedonic one]

@The anhedonic one Thanks for understanding. Sometimes I now feel like I never had a chance in my life. I grew up with a single mother who was always stressed about work and at times took it out on me. I don't ask my mum for help due to her lack of patience and always being preoccupied with stuff.

I have the worst relatives ever who were never around when my mum was struggling because they are selfish people who didnt care . I hate for them this because life would have been a lot easier had all helped my mother. I have this large fucking fault tree and my grandmother and mother throughout their lives have always been helping relatives. This is how they get repayed. My mother and grandmother still love these ungrateful pieces of shit.
I will always hate them forever because they are to blame for some of the problems in my life.

Yes, relatives are the cause of so much unnecessary suffering. My so-called family are extremely dysfunctional.
My Stepfather was a paedophile, yet when He was dying at home with a long drawn out illness, relatives would help and support him in any way they could.
They knew that He had abused me. And that is something I will never understand.
So sorry about the way your mom was denied support by your relatives. She deserved better.
Selfish people destroy lives. My life would have so much different for the better without these selfish people. So sorry you have been through this too.

 

[EternalDaydreaming]

I want to see my friends that committed before me and I don't see anymore reason to live

 

[FireFox]

Yes, relatives are the cause of so much unnecessary suffering. My so-called family are extremely dysfunctional.
My Stepfather was a paedophile, yet when He was dying at home with a long drawn out illness, relatives would help and support him in any way they could.
They knew that He had abused me. And that is something I will never understand.
So sorry about the way your mom was denied support by your relatives. She deserved better.
Selfish people destroy lives. My life would have so much different for the better without these selfish people. So sorry you have been through this too.

@The anhedonic one enormous Virtual hug. Very good your pedophile stepfather suffered from a painful illness he deserved it.

Your family are pure evil. You deserved so much better. This is why child sex abuse is a huge problem in society it is because families keep protecting these pedophiles. How can the courts punish the pedophiles when the families are hiding the pedophiles in the house.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Me wanting to complete ctb is because I just want to cease to exist and I have been through a lot.. There are things that can never be fixed and I just want out ASAP… I wanted to complete ctb earlier but I wanted to wait a few more days just to make sure that I complete my ctb successfully with two methods ( I know it will be painful but it will be better than a lifetime of misery )

 

[Dead Meat]

I'm a Disabled POS that should have never been born in the first place.

 

[absolomonisgone]

i want to die

What makes you want to put yourself out of your misery ?
Is it:
1. Mental illness.
2. A general life problem, money etc.
3. Relationship problems, or lack of companionship.
4. Existential crisis.

I tick all 4 boxes.

because i'm a loser. the loser who was too dumb not to know, feel, appreciate and be awed by important and life affirming truths like raising kids, buying big cars, house and the pride of knowing 2+2=4. and feel so important and all special because of that...., so, being such a loser, only option is death. ..., and even dying is a project which i'm incapable of completing..., that makes me want to die more, and even that i'm a loser at it.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

i want to die

because i'm a loser. the loser who was too dumb not to know, feel, appreciate and be awed by important and life affirming truths like raising kids, buying big cars, house and the pride of knowing 2+2=4. and feel so important and all special because of that...., so, being such a loser, only option is death. ..., and even dying is a project which i'm incapable of completing..., that makes me want to die more, and even that i'm a loser at it.

Oh that title of a loser my mum used to use it a lot on this guy that's causing my misery….. however don't call yourself a loser …. I won't tell you live because you know more about yourself than anyone else … and we are all here for the same …. I just want to cease to exist and the thought of it gives me so much comfort ..

 

[BoredomSeeker]

A lot of anxiety and, as weird as it may sound, a general feeling of not wanting to deal with life. I'm not bored per se, I just don't want to do all the things that are expected of you and I kinda fear the future.

 

[free_at_last]

I'd add a zeroeth reason to the list: impaired physical health. Which leads into 1, 2, 3 and 4.

 

[LadyApple]

" I will never find love, it is too late for me and I dont want to be those women who are in their 30s and 40s still single. All I wanted was a man to love me but everytime I love a guy they always reject me and hurt me. All my life I have known rejection and I finally can't cope anymore."

I am a single woman in my 40s. I can so identify with this statement. I never felt this strong desire of wanting love until my late 30s. And by that time, it's already too late

I hope you've found the love you always wanted on the other side

 

[mainlanders_son]

The emotional valence corresponding to each of my sensations has been ripped away from me. Almost total anhedonia, I can't feel physical pleasure or pain.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I want to be dead because life is undesirable to me and always has been

 

[etherealgoddess]

What makes you want to put yourself out of your misery ?
Is it:
1. Mental illness.
2. A general life problem, money etc.
3. Relationship problems, or lack of companionship.
4. Existential crisis.

I tick all 4 boxes.

1 and 4. I have everything on paper, but I still hate life.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

1)I love someone with BPD who can't love me back. It has destroyed me.

2)Living with someone I don't love who said he would make my life a misery if I pursued a split.

3) My son's high needs and controlling tendencies which mean I'm abused almost daily.

 

[elderDrifter]

I feel generally disinterested in life and frankly don't see it getting any better. In fact even with my efforts I think on aggregate this is as good as my life is going to get. So there's no reason to really give it much more of an honest shot. I will go through the motions and give it a shot just in case my CTB plans aren't able to be followed through with, but that's about it.

 

[tbroken]

PTSD.
I used it as a source of wisdom and to make the best choices for my life and it worked for a little bit.
But when I healed and i wanted to find rest and live an 'ordinary life,' i found myself to be extremely intolerant towards others.
I'm right to be intolerant, because directly or indirectly they are the main cause of my PTSD, but somewhere out there i know that someone to call friend and share my passions and life experiences with, actually exist. I just don't want to suffer again. Also, during my healing process, I found many ppl similar to the ones i hate, these entitled useless ppl that just occupy our planet and their victims... So in my mind the search for my happiness is too difficult to pursue and i just prefer to stay on my own and eventually lie in the bed.