What are your main reasons for wanting to ctb ?

[The anhedonic one]

What makes you want to put yourself out of your misery ?
Is it:
1. Mental illness.
2. A general life problem, money etc.
3. Relationship problems, or lack of companionship.
4. Existential crisis.

I tick all 4 boxes.

 

[silence of death]

mostly my schizophrenic paranoid symptoms, i feel like it robbed my life, it puts ideas in my head, it makes me apathetic, meaning i dont really enjoy anything, it destroyed my relationship, it started at a young age and i feel like if i didn't had the illness i would be a happy normie
i do have money tho, because in my country there's a financial help for schizophrenic
the few relationship i have are complicated, for a long time i felt like my friends and family hated me, wish wasnt realy the case, anyway, now we don't see each other, i said too many horrible things to them
and i do feel alone
i feel like i could keep going, but these are the main reasons

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Born wrong sex/not cis female.

Jealousy of the opposite consumes me daily.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence in itself of course, the true problem lies in having to endure this unnecessary process of slowly dying where all that is inevitable is even more suffering, loss and decay. Wanting suicide is the most logical response to existing in this repulsive world where there is unlimited potential for pain and torture, the existence of life certainly is a horrific tragedy which is why the thought of not existing forever is truly beautiful. Existing could never be a desirable state to me and I despise existence, I don't wish to be a slave to suffering, trapped in the prison that is consciousness. I only wish for nothingness with this existence finally forgotten about, not even existing as a distant memory.

 

[S00359641]

Probably number 4, Lately I've been thinking what the point of all this, is? On top of the fact that i'm lazy, and really like to sleep and sleep in. I'm starting to think i like sleeping because i don't have to deal with i guess...life.

 

[gotomrg]

i've tried everything i could to be happy. and i am not. and i dont think i ever was.
things just keep getting worse for me and im wondering how much time i have left.

 

[unnormal9]

Seeing this same thread for the 77th's time. When you type a thread title it shows similar existing threads so the same one doesn't pop every day. It's not a suggestion.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

1 2 4

currently (or better say since years) I cannot sustain the life style i used to have. and that is reason enough for me to think about CTB although there are no health issues or any other issues in my life. Sad but true.

 

[mapleboy]

Probably all 4.

I've attempted to improve all of those things but I keep finding myself being more comfortable staying in the safety blanket of my depression. Being in a positive place in my life is honestly just exhausting and I strongly dislike it. I'm much more comfortable in a dark place but it's equally unbearable so I'm hoping to figure out what to do soon.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Probably all 4.

I've attempted to improve all of those things but I keep finding myself being more comfortable staying in the safety blanket of my depression. Being in a positive place in my life is honestly just exhausting and I strongly dislike it. I'm much more comfortable in a dark place but it's equally unbearable so I'm hoping to figure out what to do soon.

I too have had a revelation about this: that being in a positive place is exhausting.
I am also too much of a sensitive person to endure this world much longer. I am feeling the pain of existing to be unbearable now. So much so, that I no longer fear death. I'm so sorry you are suffering. It's brutal.

 

[Kerrtu]

I'm tired of it all. Physical illness has exacerbated the PTSD and I'm possibly at my lowest in terms of depression. I just don't want to do this anymore - the meds, the appointments…I'm exhausted.

In all senses.

If only Calgon could truly take me away…

But, I do have SN. Grateful for that.

 

[Daxter777]

all 4.

 

[FireFox]

1) I am 26 and I am deeply disappointed how my life turned out to be. I don't want to see another decade anymore. I plan to ctb when I turn 30. I have had enough.

2) I will never find love, it is too late for me and I dont want to be those women who are in their 30s and 40s still single. All I wanted was a man to love me but everytime I love a guy they always reject me and hurt me. All my life I have known rejection and I finally can't cope anymore.

3) Life is not for me and I don't belong here in this world. All my life I have struggled to fit in and I am tired of never finding my place in the world
1) I am 26 and I am deeply disappointed how my life turned out to be. I don't want to see another decade anymore. I plan to ctb when I turn 30. I have had enough.

2) I will never find love, it is too late for me and I dont want to be those women who are in their 30s and 40s still single. All I wanted was a man to love me but everytime I love a guy they always reject me and hurt me. All my life I have known rejection and I finally can't cope anymore.

3) Life is not for me and I don't belong here in this world. All my life I have struggled to fit in and I am tired of never finding my place in the world

 

[The anhedonic one]

1) I am 26 and I am deeply disappointed how my life turned out to be. I don't want to see another decade anymore. I plan to ctb when I turn 30. I have had enough.

2) I will never find love, it is too late for me and I dont want to be those women who are in their 30s and 40s still single. All I wanted was a man to love me but everytime I love a guy they always reject me and hurt me. All my life I have known rejection and I finally can't cope anymore.

3) Life is not for me and I don't belong here in this world. All my life I have struggled to fit in and I am tired of never finding my place in the world
1) I am 26 and I am deeply disappointed how my life turned out to be. I don't want to see another decade anymore. I plan to ctb when I turn 30. I have had enough.

2) I will never find love, it is too late for me and I dont want to be those women who are in their 30s and 40s still single. All I wanted was a man to love me but everytime I love a guy they always reject me and hurt me. All my life I have known rejection and I finally can't cope anymore.

3) Life is not for me and I don't belong here in this world. All my life I have struggled to fit in and I am tired of never finding my place in the world

This is a mirror image of all I have been through and am currently going through.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. It is truly the nightmare.

 

[miserabletires9]

" I will never find love, it is too late for me and I dont want to be those women who are in their 30s and 40s still single. All I wanted was a man to love me but everytime I love a guy they always reject me and hurt me. All my life I have known rejection and I finally can't cope anymore."

I am a single woman in my 40s. I can so identify with this statement. I never felt this strong desire of wanting love until my late 30s. And by that time, it's already too late

 

[The anhedonic one]

" I will never find love, it is too late for me and I dont want to be those women who are in their 30s and 40s still single. All I wanted was a man to love me but everytime I love a guy they always reject me and hurt me. All my life I have known rejection and I finally can't cope anymore."

I am a single woman in my 40s. I can so identify with this statement. I never felt this strong desire of wanting love until my late 30s. And by that time, it's already too late

It is both harrowing and brutal to feel this way. Lack of love, and the need to love someone has finally broken me after too many years of hoping and searching.
I just want to curl up in a ball now, go to sleep and never wake up again. So sorry you are going through this too.

 

[leftdreaming]

I hurt too easy too often and I cope off my self-destructive personality. Results in loneliness and mental illness. Also I'll never be who I want physically either. This identity shits nasty.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I hurt too easy too often and I cope off my self-destructive personality. Results in loneliness and mental illness. Also I'll never be who I want physically either. This identity shits nasty.

I feel too much, love too much and hurt too much. So sorry you are going through this.

 

[quietly_gone]

abusive family and nowhere else to go besides their house, financial debt and insecurity, mental illness and relationship problems. i can't stand myself anymore either. im too sensitive, i get attached easily and im easily hurt. it's just an endless cycle of pain that im unable to stop

also this might sound stupid to a few people but i honestly don't care. in the past year i adopted three stray cats who were honestly my life line. all three of them died victims to a lethal disease known as fip, commonly found in young strays. it was brutal to watch my pets slowly die, and living with an abusive family as this happened made it all even more worse and traumatic as i found no support at all. i didn't ask for anything besides to be left alone to take care of them, but they went out of their way to make the process hell. each. time. and it still hurts so much. there's still so much grief. i can't stand it anymore. it pills up together with the other things i mentioned and i truly just want to close my eyes and put this to an end

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

Mostly love problems.. i really cant live without her

 

[The anhedonic one]

abusive family and nowhere else to go besides their house, financial debt and insecurity, mental illness and relationship problems. i can't stand myself anymore either. im too sensitive, i get attached easily and im easily hurt. it's just an endless cycle of pain that im unable to stop

also this might sound stupid to a few people but i honestly don't care. in the past year i adopted three stray cats who were honestly my life line. all three of them died victims to a lethal disease known as fip, commonly found in young strays. it was brutal to watch my pets slowly die, and living with an abusive family as this happened made it all even more worse and traumatic as i found no support at all. i didn't ask for anything besides to be left alone to take care of them, but they went out of their way to make the process hell. each. time. and it still hurts so much. there's still so much grief. i can't stand it anymore. it pills up together with the other things i mentioned and i truly just want to close my eyes and put this to an end

You say you don't care anymore. It doesn't sound stupid to say that: You just reach a point of emotional burnout. You realise that most of life is just pointless, and meaningless. That this game of life is nothing but a cruel, twisted shitshow. Nothing works anymore, and it just feels that all the odds are constantly against you. I've had more than enough of this torment too. I can't possibly last much longer. So sorry you are going through this too

 

[unnormal9]

because I want to

 

[RedDoor]

Mine has to be mainly the existential crisis. I think im actually suffering from it

 

[blank_slab]

This is a hard question to answer straight forward but I guess I kinda want to die because i'm just tired and bored all the time it feels like nothing is going to interest me anymore it just feels as if nothing is going to be interesting to me anymore but I also just feel alone all the time as if nobody is there to talk to me or help me stay entertained and hang out with me

 

[PureRain]

I have been homeless for the past 2 years and I don't see me getting out of it my life truly has no purpose I failed my family when my mom passed away and I cannot live on without her she ment everything to me

 

[The anhedonic one]

I have been homeless for the past 2 years and I don't see me getting out of it my life truly has no purpose I failed my family when my mom passed away and I cannot live on without her she ment everything to me

Homeless here too since last August. Living in my car. Can't do this for much longer. Definitely can't endure another homeless winter. My car is also falling apart and I can barely afford to eat. So sorry you are going through this. It really takes its toll on a person.

 

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

being a csa survivor

 

[The anhedonic one]

being a csa survivor

So sorry.

 

[Little_Suzy]

The only cure for mental illness is a new brain or death. To be in an anhedonic state is to be close to death.

 

[unlucky_crow6667]

What makes you want to put yourself out of your misery ?
Is it:
1. Mental illness.
2. A general life problem, money etc.
3. Relationship problems, or lack of companionship.
4. Existential crisis.

I tick all 4 boxes.

Severe mental illness making me crippled thanks to that for most of my life with severe worsening cognitive and physical decline .
I never really lived .all my life was robbed from me from the very beginning .