Discussion What are your life aspirations if you were not going to ctb?

[sparkdarkmark]

For me my aspirations were getting good grades and getting into a top university in the US or Europe so I can get out of this shithole country I am born in. Get a job in the US or Europe. Maybe fall in love, date someone. However these are childish aspirations and the cruel indifference of the universe has completely crushed them. I am stupid so there's no hope for me going to a top university abroad. I get so extremely frustrated when I fail or don't do well and scratch my skin till it tears apart. I've completely given up. Just turned 18 a while ago and feel like a complete failure and going to try to ctb for the first time soon.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I want to become a pilot and fly for big airliners.

 

[FuneralCry]

None. I've never really wanted to exist in my case, I'm not meant for existing and I've never seen existence as something desirable. The peace of eternal sleep is all I've ever wished for. I don't see any value in existing as a conscious being with the ability to suffer endlessly, to me existing is futile, burdensome and unappealing.

 

[sparkdarkmark]

None. I've never really wanted to exist in my case, I'm not meant for existing and I've never seen existence as something desirable. The peace of eternal sleep is all I've ever wished for. I don't see any value in existing as a conscious being with the ability to suffer endlessly, to me existing is futile, burdensome and unappealing.

I'm beginning to think a lot like this now

 

[Darkover]

i would want to earn 100,000£ a year to live comfortably make at least a million making and programming a indie game that a million people play but my chance as been and gone now been living with a brain injury for 7 years and can't program anymore

 

[the_path_of_sorrows]

Releasing a few poetry books, becoming a professional concert pianist and a tour guide slash historian..

 

[thefinalcut]

I'd just like to get laid again.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I never had any life aspirations. Whenever people asked me about my dream career when I was younger, I said that I didn't have any. And I still don't and never will. I got no other life aspirations too as it's pointless to me. In the end, I'd suffer and the only way for me to not suffer is to ctb

 

[todeswunsch]

I wanted to have friends and maybe a partner.
If it was not already too ambitious I'd like children too.

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

I want to become a pilot and fly for big airliners.

I would have the exact same aspirations. I wish it was more affordable at least here in the US it's not.

 

[justcallmeJ]

I wish i could marry and live together with my boyfriend, have children, start a tech business together, just be happy. But i don't think any of that ever is gonna happen, my mind wont allow it.

 

[tiger b]

Get more money together, move out to SE Asia and just live simply, writing and playing guitar. That's if my body will allow me to without completely falling apart...

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Honestly, I had nothing going for me even before I found this website and begun my research into hanging and then SN. I seriously had no aspirations to become anything in life, be it a lawyer or doctor or architect like some want for themselves. So nothing would've changed if I were not going to ctb. I was helping my older brother with his own pursuits which, to no surprise, didn't end up going anywhere remotely in the direction that was wanted due to circumstances but other than that, It felt like my life was already headed downhill with having lost a few friendships I didn't want to lose, constantly being disappointed and frustrated by life, always coming up short and eventually being left behind as per usual, not to mention the health problems I've got as well as the utter disinterest I have in life with a few minor enjoyments but they just don't make up for it as I wanted.

 

[tinyghost]

have a family

 

[ForeverBroken]

Not sure how old everyone else is but I'm in my 50's, so most of my aspirations have come and gone. I fell in love, got married and became a mom. Pretty simple. I did become a registered nurse but my career was cut short due to a car accident. Not sure when I'm going to ctb but I hate being bored, so I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a biochemist. It's slow going and I'm pretty sure no one will hire me since I'll be 60ish when I get my degree but it is what it is.

 

[Sylveon]

Not having any aspirations is one of the reasons I'm so miserable all the time, lol.

But really, if I HAD to answer this, then I would say... maybe becoming a vet? That ain't what I'm pursuing, but yeah.

 

[princejohnny]

I just want a normal life. Friends, romantic partner, decent paying job that I don't hate, maybe a cat. None of these things are even in the realm of possibility for me.

 

[thinvy]

I just wanted to be making it with someone I care about. I guess a long long time ago with a different me, I wanted to be a therapist. I liked helping others. I didn't really care about that as much though, I knew a doctorate program would be ridiculously expensive and Ive always been too poor for something like that.

now I can't see myself ever following that path, bc now I can't see myself ever believing even a portion of the crap they say.

the last two psychs I talked to didn't even give me advice lol, just put me on meds after listening to my story and going "damn..."

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Successfully finishing college and fixing my career path. Finding meds that would work for me. Becoming an artist on the side.

 

[Spectre]

For me my aspirations were getting good grades and getting into a top university in the US or Europe so I can get out of this shithole country I am born in. Get a job in the US or Europe. Maybe fall in love, date someone. However these are childish aspirations and the cruel indifference of the universe has completely crushed them. I am stupid so there's no hope for me going to a top university abroad. I get so extremely frustrated when I fail or don't do well and scratch my skin till it tears apart. I've completely given up. Just turned 18 a while ago and feel like a complete failure and going to try to ctb for the first time soon.

I'm thinking it would've been to graduate from a highly ranked university and get a job working at an influential firm or in the government. However I am too incompetent for any of this.

 

[Alwaysdreaming]

I would love to finish college, find a good job, get a small house, and possibly find someone to be with. But it seems that will never happen. I still haven't decided if I am going to ctb yet and honestly don't really want to. I'm just so tired of feeling so insanely depressed, anxious, and alone. I could have accomplished so much more if life had just been a little bit different. I honestly never thought I would make it to the age I am now. I just don't feel like I have the energy anymore to continue.

 

[CPY]

Don't really know.I guess have a regular wagie job, which is already hard where I'm from

 

[stxrdustprincex]

i used to want to get good grades and graduate from college. travel the world and write poetry or travel articles. find someone to love and settle down into a comfortable life of domesticity. grow old with my person. now none of that seems feasible nor do i even really want it anymore.

 

[Abyssal]

Fucking live I guess.

 

[ropearoundatree]

Make movies... but with the technophobe, I am-that never really had any chance of happening! ;)

 

[deadtrace]

I wanted to do a PhD and get into research somehow into something around quantum information. Failed two masters and got a shit undergrad because of mental health completely destroying everything. So at this point that direction isn't possible anymore. Just in a ridiculous amount of debt and absolutely nothing to show for it.

 

[lostall_hope11]

I would have loved to have a family, get married, become a father. Open my own private practice and maybe work from home -- buy a home, have it paid off so my family can live happy and peacefully and not have to worry about money. I want to feel like I've succeeded instead of a constant failure. I know I'll never achieve these things no matter how long I have left in this life or what I do - its just not in the cards for me unfortunately. I like to fantasize that when I ctb I can get this for a bit during my dmt trip at least. it's all ive ever wanted it might sound boring and domestic but all i've ever wanted is love peace and companionship

 

[King Ashoka]

My dreams changed with my age-

*Becoming Scientist

*Clearing UPSC IAS exam. Becoming district magistrate.

*Join CBI

*Complete annihilation of all life form.

*now-Just kill myself peacefully.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

To distance myself from my family, become an artist and idk make content with it together with my sister. Oh man that sounds like a perfect dream to me

 

[Desp]

Get married. Buy a house. Have children.