Discussion What are you waiting for?

[bloos]

Whats stopping you from ctb? Or getting whatever it is that you want?
I'm trying to figure out myself why I haven't ctb yet, since its all I think about and all I want. I don't see a future, and I don't think I have any hope or am selfless enough to stay alive just for the sake of others. And I don't think I'm scared of surviving either, my plan is pretty solid.
I'm hoping you guys can offer some insight from your own personal experiences, or just general advice to help me figure whats stopping me from finally getting some peace from all the suffering.

 

[notlongnow]

Parents passing will be my big turning point. They don't deserve a grieving process over me.

 

[Szinuus]

Learn how to walk on my own after failed jump attempt in order to go to the parcel locker where I will have my SN ordered.

 

[bloos]

Parents passing will be my big turning point. They don't deserve a grieving process over me.

I really admire your selflessness :)

Learn how to walk on my own after failed jump attempt in order to go to the parcel locker where I will have my SN ordered.

I wish you luck in your recovery, and peace with your SN.

 

[Szinuus]

Thanks. I have chronic pain condition, so every day of waiting and rehab is tough.

 

[wait.what]

I think it's anticipatory terror over being in a state where I can no longer control my body. My experiences with physical helplessness have not been pleasant ones.

 

[Astral Storm]

Parents passing will be my big turning point. They don't deserve a grieving process over me.

It's the same for me. I just don't want to cause them this horrible pain of loss. Though living is getting more and more torturous.

 

[thebunny]

my birthday. i want to celebrate being alive for the last time even if most of things in my life sucked. i want to celebrate and be thankful that i managed to survive for this long. plus, i think i've lived long enough to experience the things i need to experience in this world: love, getting money, getting a job, vacations, heartbreaks, falling outs, crying, etc.

and when that's done — when i finally blow out the last candle on my birthday cake, i'm ready to go and i'd do it on the day after.

 

[ge0rge]

weight loss so i can take sensible amounts of SN

 

[[HNO]]

i've deciced recently that i will live my last 365 days( on 360th rn), during this time i'll research on methods and obtain needed shit and choose the best method to go.

 

[Euthanza]

my birthday. i want to celebrate being alive for the last time even if most of things in my life sucked. i want to celebrate and be thankful that i managed to survive for this long. plus, i think i've lived long enough to experience the things i need to experience in this world: love, getting money, getting a job, vacations, heartbreaks, falling outs, crying, etc.

and when that's done — when i finally blow out the last candle on my birthday cake, i'm ready to go and i'd do it on the day after.

We're about the same except the vacation thing. I had been living in self-isolating drugs for years. It's just the time is not yet right for me subjectively. Currently I'm working for some more money so I can afford a decent longer vacation with my partner. I want to leave with beautiful memory to remember, though I'm already bored with ordinary daily routine. Also, my primary parameter is my own age.

 

[Hope:-)]

I need to get the rest of the stuff I need together. Plus I'm scared. I'm not really sure how it has come to this.

 

[Anonymus]

Why not? Well, because I don't want to. It makes me afraid, sad, angry... I know that actually the suicide option is a pure act of honesty towards myself... the fact of recognizing that you have already done everything you had to do and that no more there is more way What you live is what there is and nothing will be better.

Psychiatrists don't touch on it much at the same time as arguing their position and often psychologists are more in charge of making you see a false optimism about a life that has no possible solution and that they don't know how to recognize that you will never have.

They always tell me the same phrase "you can live a normal life" and I think "how can you tell that we don't know each other at all if the only argument you throw in my face is this".
....
A year ago I fell in love with a person and what I hate most is not having solved all the problems that prevent me from being happy with other people... Can you imagine, I fall in love with someone and not I'm able to be by his side... can't I live a quiet life next to someone else? especially when I want her?... so no, I can't... thank goodness she doesn't feel the same as me, what a good disaster it would be not to be able to reciprocate someone I love.

I can't live a "normal" life, I can't go back to what I've never had, I can't resume a path I've never traveled.. they don't understand!.

What am I waiting for? I'm too afraid, I have to choose between fear to live and fear to die. When the fear of living weighs more on the scales of fear and the fear of dying weighs less, the decision will be very easy.... but this has not happened yet.

I won't be doing CTB (Catch The Bus, Close The Book, Cease The Breath... pick your euphemism) for now.

//

Que per què no?, doncs perquè no vull. Em fa por, tristesa, ràbia... se que en realitat la opció del suïcidi es un pur acte d'honestedat cap a mi mateix... el fet de reconèixer que ja has fet tot el que havies de fer i que ja no hi ha més camí. El que vius és el que hi ha i res serà millor.

Els metges psiquiatres no hi toquen gaire alhora d'argumentar la seva posició i sovint els psicòlegs s'encarreguen més de fer-te veure un fals optimisme sobre una vida que no te sol·lució possible i que no saben reconèixer que mai tindràs.

Sempre em diuen la mateixa frase "podrás fer una vida normal" i penso "com es nota que no ens coneixem pas de res si l'únic argument que em fots a la cara és aquest".
....
Fa un any em vaig enamorar d'una persona i el que més detesto es no haver sol·lucionat tots els problemes que m'impedeixen ser feliç al costat d'altres persones... Us imagineu, m'enamoro d'algú i no sóc capaç d'estar al seu costat... es que no puc fer una vida tranquila a la vora d'una altra persona? sobretot quan la desitjo?... doncs no, no puc... menys mal que ella no sent el mateix que jo, quin bon desastre sería no poder correspondre a algú que m'estimo.

No puc fer cap vida "normal", no puc tornar a fer allò que no he tingut mai, no puc reprendre un camí que no he recorregut pas mai.. no ho entenen!.

A que espero? tinc massa por, tinc que triar entre por a viure i por a morir. Quan en la balança de la por pesi mes la por a viure i menys la por a morir la decisió serà molt fàcil,.... però això encara no ha passat pas.

No faré CTB (Catch The Bus, Close The Book, Cease The Breath... trieu l'eufemisme que vulgueu) de moment.

 

[BandAddict]

I have everything I need. I've been prescribed all the right things. I feel like my reasons are silly and I get frustrated with myself that I can't just do it. For one, when I start to fantasize about about CTB, all the details and the steps, I suddenly am flooded with the aftermath. My mom or sibling having to find me, them feeling terrified and helpless... Then, I'm scared of fucking up because I have one shot at this and I won't be able to use this method again and that scares me. I'm also scared because I don't know what will happen or where I'm going after this, not for sure. I also feel like there is still a part of me that's afraid not to live, because it's what I'm used to, and I don't like change. Another thing is that I'm so ashamed of my body and feel like I don't even deserve to die in it yet. And probably silliest of all, my mom took my suicide note and won't give it back. She hasn't read it, but she's fucking lost it and it pains me to think she won't have immediate access to it when I go. What if she accidentally threw it away or something? I don't have it in me to write it all again.

 

[Diesel_Punk]

I already have a date picked out, now it is just a waiting game.

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

I don't have SN yet. That's the only thing stopping me right now.

 

[maurits2012]

I don't have the right tools right now and I don't want to hurt my mom.

 

[ojinzo]

Whats stopping you from ctb? Or getting whatever it is that you want?
I'm trying to figure out myself why I haven't ctb yet, since its all I think about and all I want. I don't see a future, and I don't think I have any hope or am selfless enough to stay alive just for the sake of others. And I don't think I'm scared of surviving either, my plan is pretty solid.
I'm hoping you guys can offer some insight from your own personal experiences, or just general advice to help me figure whats stopping me from finally getting some peace from all the suffering.

It's complicated for me. I don't have a solid sure fire painless plan. Everytime I settle on something, money is a factor. Do I pay my rent or spend it on ctb? Also, there is a shred of hope. Maybe I'll get this job or maybe the settlement from my mother's wrongful death will finally come. I will say, family or others are not a factor. My attitude is of others gave enough of a frek about me when I tell them I'm suffering, they'd do something.

 

[roo]

waiting for myself to stop being so hopeful that things will get better

 

[Darkover]

lack of money and motivation on my part if i had money i'd order right now

 

[Neneko Izumozaki]

I live with an old cat with a short life expectancy.
The cat was abandoned in a park and I brought it back.
The presence of this cat is discouraging me from committing suicide.

 

[outrider567]

Whats stopping you from ctb? Or getting whatever it is that you want?
I'm trying to figure out myself why I haven't ctb yet, since its all I think about and all I want. I don't see a future, and I don't think I have any hope or am selfless enough to stay alive just for the sake of others. And I don't think I'm scared of surviving either, my plan is pretty solid.
I'm hoping you guys can offer some insight from your own personal experiences, or just general advice to help me figure whats stopping me from finally getting some peace from all the suffering.

Nothing is stopping me, except to continue to morally support my brother who has only a few months left, as he just told me his lung tumor is back to its original size, and his lymph nodes are enlarged again

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I am only still alive as actually going through with suicide is difficult for me. We live in a pro life society that makes it as hard for us to die as possible and denies people the option of an straightforward, peaceful exit. Leaving this world can be very complicated and I lack the option of a peaceful and reliable exit. Ordering suicide materials on the internet can be risky and the more easily accessible methods sound horrible. The fear of failure is one of the main things keeping me here, it sounds so terrifying ending up in a worse condition.

I so wish that suicide is much easier, I have already suffered enough in life. We all deserve the option of euthanasia and nobody should have to research suicide on the internet at all in the first place. All that I am doing basically is waiting around to die, and that is what life basically is, we are just distracting ourselves from the fact that we will all die eventually.

 

[whatstheporpoise15]

Just waiting to find the time when I know I'll be uninterrupted for long enough. And the courage to do it, even though living is more painful than death at this point.

 

[theboy]

I am scared

 

[Mofreeko]

As sad as it is all I have to live for is the next season of a show lol. I'm waiting until the next season of cobra kai to ctb. As soon as I'm done that I will go have a nice meal and then start my fast for my regimen.

In my case, I am only still alive as actually going through with suicide is difficult for me. We live in a pro life society that makes it as hard for us to die as possible and denies people the option of an straightforward, peaceful exit. Leaving this world can be very complicated and I lack the option of a peaceful and reliable exit. Ordering suicide materials on the internet can be risky and the more easily accessible methods sound horrible. The fear of failure is one of the main things keeping me here, it sounds so terrifying ending up in a worse condition.

I so wish that suicide is much easier, I have already suffered enough in life. We all deserve the option of euthanasia and nobody should have to research suicide on the internet at all in the first place. All that I am doing basically is waiting around to die, and that is what life basically is, we are just distracting ourselves from the fact that we will all die eventually.

Never feel shame for being unable to ctb. It's not the easy way out, it's actually going against every instinct in your mind and body that's been built up over millions of years. It's one of the hardest things a person can do. It's a crime against our free will that we can't ctb will medical assistance.

 

[hopelessbeing]

Terrified of hurting my family but I know at the same time it is my time to go. I shouldn't be here.

 

[helloWorld123]

Scared of fucking up - again

 

[Interloper]

I'm a coward. Always have been, always will be.

 

[hellispink]

I am doing it in a hotel. But for that I need to pay. So I need to get it somehow. Nothing else is stopping me.