I've been thinking about my relationship with sex, attraction and sexuality for a while now. My relationship with sex was very unhealthy, I used to have a hard time setting boundaries and not making a fool of myself in front of other men. Nowadays I'm much more relaxed, I have an easier time establishing boundaries and sex isn't as important to me as it used to, in fact I've kinda become aversed to sex and romantic relationships. I love learning about sex, I love reading about how other cultures viewed sex and romance, I love learning about the human body, I love drawing porn/eroticism, I support sex work, I enjoy telling sex jokes and love to explore sexuality; I just don't feel like having sex, I don't like the idea and the thought of intimacy with someone else freaks me out, not gonna lie.
I'm still trying to understand if it is a trauma reaction, a possible sign of asexuality or a bit of both. I haven't really talked about it with anyone cause I feel I'm kinda bullshitting myself again and don't wanna come off as ignorant or disrespectful, but at the same time it's something I can't stop thinking about it cause I feel it'll be important to how I relate to others in the future.