Discussion What are the reasons you haven't CTB

[Gstreater]

I've seen threads about why people want to CTB but not any threads on why you haven't gone through with it.
My reason is that my daily is in a monetary situation and I'm saving money to make sure they don't have to worry about it after I CTB.

 

[Lobster_Toast1281]

Mainly because I'm too scared to do so.

 

[orbwithinorb]

N is unavailable and SN is not pleasant and everything else I'm too much of a bitch for.

 

[Cynacs]

Afraid of pain and other consequences. Getting caught, failing, permanent damage. I'm just hoping I can one day drink SN and then go to bed.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I don't want to hurt the people around me, so I need to wait a little bit first.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Scared and it will devastate family members.

 

[Seered Doom]

Too tired to actually do much of anything

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Out of spite for people who ask why I haven't CTB

Jk, I'm in the interview process for a healthcare job and tbh I'm looking forward to the chance to use my spare time to do something productive that actually matters. I'm also back in school for a full degree. For once I actually feel like maybe I'm going to be able to do something with my life, and I think that I actually want to give my best shot at living a somewhat normal life. So I'm holding off on CTB for now.

 

[huntermellow]

i didn't have a reliable method until i learnt about sn and i was also scared

 

[Gstreater]

Out of spite for people who ask why I haven't CTB

Jk, I'm in the interview process for a healthcare job and tbh I'm looking forward to the chance to use my spare time to do something productive that actually matters. I'm also back in school for a full degree. For once I actually feel like maybe I'm going to be able to do something with my life, and I think that I actually want to give my best shot at living a somewhat normal life. So I'm holding off on CTB for now.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors and I'm glad it looks like everything is turning around for the better.

 

[genoke]

Afraid of failure since my method is gunshot and I have one shot.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors and I'm glad it looks like everything is turning around for the better.

I put in applications for multiple jobs that are at or near the school I go to, but my top choice (which I also have the lowest chance of getting hired at) is a job as an emergency room technician at a nearby level 1 trauma center. My main priority is still going to be getting my degree and then a 9-5 office job because I want to be financially comfortable, buy a place, etc. but I hope to spend my spare time pursuing what I'm passionate about.

 

[ShatteredShards]

I'm genuinely afraid of the process of dying, you know, being conscious for the pain or sickness, being unconscious but somehow aware during, how slow it might be, how sick I could feel, etc.

 

[CTB Dream]

Need peac mthd thisall

 

[ramon]

Too many reason (legal and informal) that will bore you into oblivion, so I'll mention the main one: FEAR OF FAILURE.

To cope with such fears, I'm watching closely the cases of Kenneth Eugene Smith, Alan Eugene Miller, and Carey Dale Grayson.

By reading any of those cases, you'll easily figure out my chosen method to CTB,

 

[kkamasal]

I have a very small goal and I will achieve it and do die and I don't want to die on a whim, I want to judge rationally and plan for die

 

[iamanavalanche]

i love my partner. i dont know what he'd do if i was gone.

 

[davidtorez]

Cowardice in a nut shell. I have N from 2018 and afraid it might be too old to work efficiently and I may end up brain damaged

 

[greeneyedgirl]

Can't source any SN at the moment. Other then that I'm ready to go.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

Survival instinct has been too powerful to do either form of hanging. I'm hoping that SN will be my ticket out of here, as it is so much easier to drink some salty liquid than have a noose tighten around your neck causing anything from a mere sore throat to a muscular hematoma or dissections of the carotid arteries (essentially, rips/tears of the arteries. yikes). SN, in terms of actual physical damage, is much more gentle so I suppose that's a big plus for me.

 

[Preh1storic_Rib]

In highschool I read this one post (not here) from someone who said how much easier it got just after their hormones balanced out and they had the freedom to leave their abusive home. Ontop of not having much of a surefire method, it was enough for me to delay. Test their theory.

I wrote to myself a month after moving out pretty much that exact same thing in the post I read. I was so mad no one told me before, that was all it took. It wasn't good by any means, I was on and off homeless at the time. But it was still so much better.

I still plan to ctb before most people my generation will. Other stuff has caught up to me and I don't forsee things ever being good enough for me to want to stay longer than that. But sometimes I'm grateful I stuck it out for a bit. If only to prove to myself it wasn't completely my fault for feeling this way.

 

[coconutsnope]

I've seen threads about why people want to CTB but not any threads on why you haven't gone through with it.
My reason is that my daily is in a monetary situation and I'm saving money to make sure they don't have to worry about it after I CTB.

I can't find a way that works. I feel so pathetic like I can't even do this right. I took 80 benzos last month and was very sick and in the ER for a couple hours but the system where I lived is so overcapacity I told them I will just keep trying so they sent me home. I've tried so many different pill and alcohol combinations at this point and I lose a day or 2 but keep waking up. That's why I haven't gone through because it hasn't worked. I am not afraid of death, I am more afraid of keeping to have to live in this body that is in so much physical and emotional pain.

I'm trying to find a place to jump from now. I've done so much research on how to jump and how tall it has to be and luckily there is a bridge that is over 300 feet tall. I just need to get through the Barb wire fence around it to get to the bridge. And wait until the weekend when it has less employees on the land. I was hoping to just be able to peacefully fall asleep and ctb but even in death, my body is not working properly.

 

[FuneralCry]

I only continue to suffer as I lack the means to permanently free myself from this painful, torturous existence in peace, it's just so cruel how I cannot just painlessly die and never suffer again, I only hope for nothingness, I only wish to never exist, it's so dreadful how I'm trapped in this existence I was never meant for that just brought me so much pain just hoping to never wake again. I'd be long at peace if I could just easily cease existing in a painless way but of course such is not the reality, I never should have suffered at all.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Fear of failing and remaining alive with brain damage

Don't have a method that I can be confident is at least 99% probability to kill me yet. I could have but haven't had the energy focus discipline work ethic to work everyday to get the method and plan ready to at least 99%

 

[Evelyn Lane]

Survival instinct has been too powerful to do either form of hanging. I'm hoping that SN will be my ticket out of here, as it is so much easier to drink some salty liquid than have a noose tighten around your neck causing anything from a mere sore throat to a muscular hematoma or dissections of the carotid arteries (essentially, rips/tears of the arteries. yikes). SN, in terms of actual physical damage, is much more gentle so I suppose that's a big plus for me.

What are your sources when you say that having a noose tighten around your neck could cause muscular hematoma or dissections of the carotid arteries? It would be helpful for me to know since I'm considering hanging myself via full suspension hanging. Thank you

 

[CantDoIt]

Scared, don't have N, waiting a little while to get some stuff done, etc.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

What are your sources when you say that having a noose tighten around your neck could cause muscular hematoma or dissections of the carotid arteries? It would be helpful for me to know since I'm considering hanging myself via full suspension hanging. Thank you

I don't have the source, I am sorry. I wish I still had access to it, but the post containing medical case studies was deleted earlier this year. So you can take what I've said with a grain of salt if you want to. But in the pdf I remember they had a bunch of cadavers who died from both partial and full suspension, and they cut open their necks and examined the arteries, and you could see tears in the carotids. They also showed hematomas in the strap muscles (I believe??) and the sternocleidomastoid. It was basically just big globs of blood that poured out, presumably from the pressure and pulling on the muscles from the noose causing them to tear open. You can see the muscles of the neck here https://anatomy.app/article/muscles-of-the-neck/superficial-neck-muscles

But keep in mind, this is only a concern if you somehow fail a genuine attempt. I just don't like the idea of causing myself that damage even if I'll never feel it or have to deal with it.

 

[SpeckofDust]

I am worried about how much time will pass before my body is discovered. I'm struggling to work out the logistics.

 

[Daydream Believer]

Because I am a single dad with a 15 year old son and he has nobody in the world but me.

 

[iloveloving]

My stuff hasn't been delivered yet, lol.