what are the reasons that make you want to die?

[KrommeVinger]

In my case:
I'm old to do a lot of things
I'm no longer interested in things I used to like
I think what awaits me is just decadence and suffering
I think I'll be more and more alone and away from everything
I think I can't even change or fix certain things because the time to do these things has passed
Waking up every day is painful and I think things/people here would be better if I wasn't here anymore.

 

[Seiba]

I'm too lazy/not good at articulating to fully list out something that would likely look very coherent. In my case it's largely just lack of interest in life, no real reward in anything, and therefore not worth it long term. I think that when I'm forced into a more complex situation that I will also struggle to keep up the functioning level required. Sorry to hear about your situation.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's physical health problems, dread for the future, anhedonia/general disinterest of living, I see existing as pointless, inability to cope with life.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Cronic health problems... Life is simply not worth living for me because I suffer too much physically and mentally.

 

[Hurt]

In my case:
I'm old to do a lot of things
I'm no longer interested in things I used to like
I think what awaits me is just decadence and suffering
I think I'll be more and more alone and away from everything
I think I can't even change or fix certain things because the time to do these things has passed
Waking up every day is painful and I think things/people here would be better if I wasn't here anymore.

Same reasons but I'm young although I've had enough of this life. I'm tired.

 

[almost done]

Ptsd from work and my wife

 

[Baffelingbofos]

My mind is broken from growing up with no friends, family or guidance. As i get older the harder i realize just how detrimental this was, I am simply unfit to be a functioning member of society.

 

[return2dreamland]

cptsd, social anxiety, and bpd are all ruining my life, plus the usual major depression, general anxiety, anorexia, and etc. is just making it worse lmao. besides, nothing really makes me happy anymore, i lost all my friends, i never got a job, and i know going to school again will make me feel more miserable than i already am (impossible, i know!). plus, even if i do pursuit a career or even a regular job, i'll be working for the rest of my life, which sounds really unsatisfying. i'd rather cease to exist than live in this dull reality.

 

[disillusionment]

Tired of having mental illness: depression, anxiety, C-PTSD etc. I didn't ask to be born and then get mental illness from having trauma in childhood, and then live in poverty because of those mental illnesses and have to spend the rest of my life trying to heal from the trauma when I can't even afford therapy

Living in crappy apartments with slumlords who abuse, gaslight, bully and threaten simply because I ask them to fix what they are supposed to fix such as mold which is bad for my health. They blamed me for the mold and told me to leave but it turned out the mold was due to their own negligence all along

I hate my issues with weight, all my life I either starved myself and was thin or I binge ate and was fat.

I lost my childhood and teen years, early adult years etc due to trauma and mental illness and I'll never get those years back. Lets say I miraculously can work on healing my mental issues, I manage to get more money and live in better housing, I turn my life around etc. I will still never get my childhood and teen years back. Being an adult is super boring. Pay bills pay taxes do boring stuff and die. I wish I had had a better childhood and had friends to hang with etc. I feel so sad watching shows and such where teens are hanging out and having fun. Meanwhile I was suicidal and depressed. I want that normal happy life

The emotional and physical pain. Lately my throat feels tight, my chest is heavy, my stomach is in knots, my whole body is full of tension and pain from my emotional distress. And I can barely sleep. I just want some peace

Self-hatred. I hate myself and my personality even though it was molded by my shitty mental illnesses. I hate myself for ruining my own life because of negativity and anger even though I'm mentally ill and couldn't really have done better. I still beat myself up over it and feel disgusted with myself.

 

[xkonstantinexx]

A messy divorce, losing my job due to Covid-19, financial debt, finding out the ex has moved on with someone else, extreme loneliness, loss of interest in activities and things that used to excite me, my failures and this mental disorder that has ruined me.

 

[heretogethelp]

EVERYTHING!!!

 

[KrommeVinger]

I'm sorry for all of you, and many of our reasons are similar, even if in different contexts. Have you tried any kind of professional help? I'm going to try it for the third time - the first two times I felt like the doctors weren't giving a damn about me - but I confess I'm not very hopeful. More and more I feel that my destiny is to end everything and CTB when I can't stand this life anymore.

 

[lovelyheartz]

• Horrible things I have done, that make people hate me when they find out, that make them wish I was dead. People will find out eventually, so I'd prefer to end it before things get even worse.
• Loneliness. I have terrible social skills and uncommon interests, which make it very difficult for me to make friends. Also, due to the horrible things I've done, I don't believe I'll ever keep a friend or a boyfriend.
• Depression. I have family history of depression, so it's very likely that I'll have more depressive episodes throughout my lifetime. I just don't think it's worth it.
• Self-hatred. I hate how ugly I am, I hate how I'm a woman, I hate my personality.
• Life seems so boring. I don't really see anything to look forward to in life.

 

[boc]

Overall I've had a fairly fortunate life. But I have always had issues with depression and suicidal ideation. I haven't been successful in my life in ways that make me happy.

So now I look in the mirror and can only see the myriad of small choices I made that led me to where I am, when I could have been happy. My friends and family don't have time for me, and I'm very alone. I don't have anything left to look forward to, I don't enjoy the things I used to. So, I'd rather just CTB and be done with trying to make it work, when it's clear it won't.

 

[TheYounger]

Just every path that I could think of taking ends up in a dead end. I don't fit in my job. I don't fit in this fucking world. And not only that I can't seem to sum up the courage to kill myself. I'm close to turning 30 and I really don't want to see myself alive past that age. I've had enough but i can't even summon up the courage to kill myself.

 

[Largeletters]

Mine, or at least some of it:

-Past experiences, such as trauma (though I hate using that word as it's so thrown around these days), some of these things being an incarcerated parent, bullying, controlling romantic relationships, psych wards at a young age, finding a family member deceased, etc.

-Grief

-My self hatred and hatred of the world

-My eating issues. Struggled with being obese, then anorexic, now I'm sort of average but struggle with binge eating.

-Countless suicide attempts, Major Depressive Disorder, OCD, anxiety and chronic suicidal ideation that will never go away certainly play a part.

 

[Jet Set Radio]

To quiet my mind and heart.

I have countless reasons, but at the end of the day when I try to sleep Im haunted by all the demons of my past, present and future.

 

[squarecircles]

I cannot come up with a single other thing worth doing.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

Mental illness

 

[Seiba]

I'm sorry for all of you, and many of our reasons are similar, even if in different contexts. Have you tried any kind of professional help? I'm going to try it for the third time - the first two times I felt like the doctors weren't giving a damn about me - but I confess I'm not very hopeful. More and more I feel that my destiny is to end everything and CTB when I can't stand this life anymore.

I was on ssris and adhd meds for a while when I was younger but not currently medicated. I think I'll try therapy one day perhaps, but I'm not sure how socially expressing myself will go due to the feeling of decay that I believe homeschooling contributed to socially and otherwise. I do think the novelty of "trying" is worth bothering with a little bit but I do remain obviously skeptical because of the power difference therapist hold. While easy to say one like myself should simply lie about thoughts of suicide it seems fundamentally useless to hide them since I think they would contribute to establishing an actually effective treatment if the therapist was competent. Perhaps naivety, but suicide is just too complicit in how I see things for it to be useful for me if I lie. Do you have a specific treatment plan you plan on trying in mind? Or just going to wing it and hope for the best from them? Nothing wrong with either approach, but I figured worth asking since I took up a decent amount of space above.

 

[KrommeVinger]

I was on ssris and adhd meds for a while when I was younger but not currently medicated. I think I'll try therapy one day perhaps, but I'm not sure how socially expressing myself will go due to the feeling of decay that I believe homeschooling contributed to socially and otherwise. I do think the novelty of "trying" is worth bothering with a little bit but I do remain obviously skeptical because of the power difference therapist hold. While easy to say one like myself should simply lie about thoughts of suicide it seems fundamentally useless to hide them since I think they would contribute to establishing an actually effective treatment if the therapist was competent. Perhaps naivety, but suicide is just too complicit in how I see things for it to be useful for me if I lie. Do you have a specific treatment plan you plan on trying in mind? Or just going to wing it and hope for the best from them? Nothing wrong with either approach, but I figured worth asking since I took up a decent amount of space above.

Thanks for your comment. I've tried simple therapy with a psychologist and some time later, antidepressant therapy with a psychiatrist, but in both I didn't feel any interest from the professionals in making me feel good. I'm thinking about trying drug-free therapy now, because if I have drugs within my reach now, I don't think I can resist trying to overdose. But actually I don't even really know what would be best for me. I'm very uninterested in everything and just think about disappearing from this world. I've had a suicide case in the family and maybe that's why I can't carry out my intentions because I don't want to cause suffering in some people (especially my mother) that I love, but I don't know how long I'll be able to wait.
I've heard people say that, in the case of a successful treatment, people start to see the solution to the problems and have a different view of reality. But at the moment I find it so far from me, I can't get carried away or have faith in anything, I find it very difficult to believe that anything in my life will change.

 

[AloeGarten]

social anxiety totally controlling my life and my ability to do anything. also, like others said, nothing is enjoyable anymore, but because of the anxiety its basically impossible to try new things.
the only thing i look forward to anymore is drugs. not a total addict yet but it shouldnt be too long now

 

[brokenwaves]

the endless list of mental illnesses that worsen as time goes on and make me feel batshit crazy 24/7. i'm still young but i've been through several lifetimes worth of trauma. it all just weighs me down and i'm tired of being tired, life shouldn't be such a constant struggle. i've tried living, i've tried to heal. i'm not a fighter, and yet i've been forced to be one my entire life, well i'm done fighting. i just want the pain to end

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Trauma, misery, loneliness, And being unattractive

 

[Burned out]

Trauma, injustice, boredom, chronic pain, lifelong insomnia, unnecessary removal of a body part that I did not consent to have removed, the realization that the longer I go on living the more likely that something new and terrible will come along. I think I may also not be neurotypical, which makes it hard for me to be socially at peace. I have been hurt, and I'm not ok with the things that have been done to me, or knowing what goes on in the world.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

No offense but that question has been asked on here so many times, and l'm tired off repeating myself! But l hope you have a nice as possible day!

 

[All Things Must Pass]

No offense but that question has been asked on here so many times, and l'm tired off repeating myself! But l hope you have a nice as possible day!

Repetition is the heart and soul of this forum.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

• Feel so empty, like nothing matters
• Mostly in pain from depression
• General discomfort in my body
• Disinterested in everything / Anhedonia
• mental illness destroyed my life
• Severely limited in my abilities, lay in my bed most of the time
• I'm ugly
• My life has been a mess
• Hate myself

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Repetition is the heart and soul of this forum.

That explains why I check in less and less!

 

[ClownMe]

everything