Discussion What are the main reasons that you keep going on in life

[Spazsticatednoodle]

My reasons for still being here is fear of dying which I imagine is a lot of us here and my friends they make life a lot more barbel for me

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Malnutrition from my eating disorder numbed out my emotions and so I can't feel suffering anymore, which in turn means there's no impetus to take direct action to end my life. Inertia, essentially -- I'm already moving and the easiest thing to do right now is to just keep moving.

 

[not fond of it]

I promised myself and my family that I would try every treatment I could before making the decision. Just a few weeks away from ruling out my last hope, and that'll be it for me.

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

Cognitive dissonance. If I was truly an efilist I would not partake in any life affirming activities I have control over such as eating/drinking, hygiene, pleasure seeking, etc. etc. etc.

Thanatos is unable to overcome eros (and vice versa) because of neurological/biological/social/societal factors.

I am sick of typing. This is meaningless anyways.

 

[TheHolySword]

Only reason I'm still here (besides waiting for SN) is that my life insurance doesn't pay out for suicide until I've been covered for 2 years. Otherwise I would be gone as soon as the SN arrived.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm staying alive mostly for practical reasons, and I hope to CTB at the earliest opportunity.

I would have jumped a couple of months ago, but it wasn't a good enough spot when I got there. Now I have a better method, but I'm waiting a few more weeks so I don't ruin the holidays for my loved ones.

I just hope fear and SI don't foil me after the holidays. I do fear death, but I fear a life of endless suffering even more.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's the fact that we exist in this horrific world where I'm denied the option to just painlessly die in peace and never suffer ever again, what I'd fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way more unbearable agony and torture as a result, it's just so horrific to me how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer as long as they exist and I suffer so much from being enslaved in this existence that was so tragically imposed without the option to just peacefully die. Personally I'd rather die no matter what to escape from pointless suffering, human existence is an abomination to me, I personally see no benefit to being burdened with this cruel, torturous existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for just for one to die in agony from old age and more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I find existing to be so deeply undesirable in every way.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't have access to any suicide methods that I know is reliable enough for it to work. At this point, I am desperate enough to ctb even if it's via a painful method but the issue is that the current accessible suicide methods aren't really reliable (aside from SN but I don't think I can access that due to my overprotective parents).

Cognitive dissonance. If I was truly an efilist I would not partake in any life affirming activities I have control over such as eating/drinking, hygiene, pleasure seeking, etc. etc. etc.

Thanatos is unable to overcome eros (and vice versa) because of neurological/biological/social/societal factors.

I am sick of typing. This is meaningless anyways.

Out of curiosity, how does you being an efilist mean that you shouldn't partake in any life affirming activities? I'm also an efilist but I merely see efilism as "the dissection of life" as efil blaise succinctly states.

 

[dontwakemeup]

No means to a reliable method. If I fail another attempt, I will be in trouble and the risk isn't worth it. I'm afraid there is a hell, but that's not the ultimate reason for not trying in the past.

 

[novemberrain]

I ordered SN at the beginning of November and shortly after, the postal service went on strike. NO idea when I'll receive it. Fml. Otherwise I'd probably be dead by now. I really didn't want to have to suffer through another Christmas.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I keep going on for my parents. Sinister existence for sure. Sometime i think about finally CTB despite that they exist and find a bit of hope and relief. That's actually the only thing that bring me hope and relief, rest of time i'm trying to improve my existence but the suffering is still there and unbereable whatever what i do.