What are the benefits of having experienced child abuse?

[Ambivalent1]

I would argue that it causes the opposite. When you are abused since birth the only thing that you see is pain and suffering. You end up thinking that everyone is trying to take advantage of you or hurt you one way or another. Yes, they act differently than your abuser which just makes it worse because you start to become paranoid, you become afraid that they are just playing nice to hurt you, etc.

My experience is the same. This is the Recovery section though. If you're determined to believe you're entirely fucked, then so be it. But realize you're making a choice. You ultimately choose how to look at your life. With a silver lining or with none

 

[UKscotty]

There are benefits to any situation.
Life is all about how we perceive and react.

We can chose to live in a victim mindset for life, whining and moaning. Or, we can use the experience, even a terrible one to elevate us to be better than our abuser, do good in the world, and not let it negatively impact us.

For me, the benefits include, stronger resilience, deeper empathy with others, wanting to help others in same circumstances and stronger willed in adult hood.

 

[Amelie]

There are some, though I imagine they're few. One thing is developing resilience. Cynicism is good too to some degree. Being hyper independent. What else?

I think a huge benefit would be having the understanding/ empathy to help others who have experienced the same thing.

 

[UKscotty]

I think a huge benefit would be having the understanding/ empathy to help others who have experienced the same thing.

Exactly. Clearly a lot of people here have chosen to let their experience negatively impact them and be a victim. I refuse to be the victim but each to their own.

 

[wristcutangel]

nothing comes to mind. only thing i could think up was not presuming every family is a happy one right off the bat since the idea of a happy one is a completely foreign concept to me. i know that if more people understood that i'd be a lot happier too.

 

[venua]

There are some, though I imagine they're few. One thing is developing resilience. Cynicism is good too to some degree. Being hyper independent. What else?

There's benifits, sure.
I think being emotionally numb or cold is one of them. Resilience like OP said.

 

[nabinabi5]

Maybe I'm just blinded since I don't know life without child abuse/CSA, but I would be willing to argue it gave me some benefits. Most of my life 3-16 was completely hell on earth and due to the fact my parents were manipulative/abusive themselves I had no one to go to in order to help me through everything. As a result, I matured much faster than all my peers(for better or worse) and learned to rely almost entirely on myself. Once I started working at 13 I was able to buy my own groceries, get by if I was homeless/kicked out, grit my teeth and work through mental/physical pain, and develop a discipline that has carried me far in life in many places. As others have said I also feel pretty emotionally dull/resilient to hardship.

Don't get me wrong, I would give literally anything to go back and live a normal, happy youth and I'm obviously totally messed up from it but what's done is done. Child abuse is a horrid thing but I like to think it wasn't entirely bad for me. So many of peers at my age(21) going out into the world have no idea what to do but I've had my skin in the game for almost 10 years now.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Exactly. Clearly a lot of people here have chosen to let their experience negatively impact them and be a victim. I refuse to be the victim but each to their own.

Amen

Maybe I'm just blinded since I don't know life without child abuse/CSA, but I would be willing to argue it gave me some benefits. Most of my life 3-16 was completely hell on earth and due to the fact my parents were manipulative/abusive themselves I had no one to go to in order to help me through everything. As a result, I matured much faster than all my peers(for better or worse) and learned to rely almost entirely on myself. Once I started working at 13 I was able to buy my own groceries, get by if I was homeless/kicked out, grit my teeth and work through mental/physical pain, and develop a discipline that has carried me far in life in many places. As others have said I also feel pretty emotionally dull/resilient to hardship.

Don't get me wrong, I would give literally anything to go back and live a normal, happy youth and I'm obviously totally messed up from it but what's done is done. Child abuse is a horrid thing but I like to think it wasn't entirely bad for me. So many of peers at my age(21) going out into the world have no idea what to do but I've had my skin in the game for almost 10 years now.

You're further along than me. I'm jealous. But I have ocd as well and it worms its way into everything and it's not clear how to combat it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's going to depend on the level and type of abuse really. Bearing in mind some people here will have experienced sexual abuse and very extreme forms of violence- I can see why people are getting upset. Some things are very hard to get over or to see a positive side to. Especially if whatever that happened has gone on to badly affect a person's life.

Put it this way- given the choice- would you prefer to have an abusive past? Do you think it generally makes people more successful in life if they have to fight early on? I guess there's examples of both. Some successful people come from very disturbing backgrounds. Many just never get over what happened though and it can affect all future relationships.

I was comparatively 'lucky' in that- what I would describe as abuse came from a step relation- so- at least it was much simpler to sever contact. Plus- to take it less personally than if it had been an actual family member. It's debatable whether it did me any favours. It made me become obsessed with art as a coping mechanism and that became my crutch for the rest of my life. Still- I'd say it certainly lead me to being mal-adjusted- especially socially. I put ALL my hopes into my work- so- when that is failing- so is the rest of my life. It also caused me to start thinking about suicide aged 10- and I don't think those thoughts ever really leave us once they're established. So- no- I wouldn't say it helped me out that much! Still- if people can see a positive to it- good luck to them.

I suppose it's a bit like people who set up charities and awareness campaigns after something terrible happens to a loved one. Probably good if you can focus all that powerful emotion into something positive. I don't think people are 'wimps' though if they can't get over something that happened to them though. We're all different.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Exactly. Clearly a lot of people here have chosen to let their experience negatively impact them and be a victim. I refuse to be the victim but each to their own.

You're making assumptions. Not trying to find consolation in trauma doesn't mean people are intent on being the victim. Think about what the word "benefit" in the original question implies. Recovery from PTSD isn't as simple as "choosing" not to be impacted by an experience.

Anyways, I should apologize for being overly categorical. It's everyone's prerogative how they personally view their own experiences.

 

[Ambivalent1]

You're making assumptions. Not trying to find consolation in trauma doesn't mean people are intent on being the victim. Think about what the word "benefit" in the original question implies. Recovery from PTSD isn't as simple as "choosing" not to be impacted by an experience.

Anyways, I should apologize for being overly categorical. It's everyone's prerogative how they personally view their own experiences.

A masochist would love burning in hell.

 

[Celica45]

literally the only thing being abused has *somewhat* positively given me is a pain kink, and a high pain tolerance, but that's still stretching it

 

[edu0z]

There are some, though I imagine they're few. One thing is developing resilience. Cynicism is good too to some degree. Being hyper independent. What else?

I think that maybe you have suffered that type of abuse and you are trying to get the positive part of it (if not so I apologize)... but I do not think there is any benefit in it, the qualities that you say can be developed with a normal childhood and you don't need to have traumas to be super independent.

Exactly. Clearly a lot of people here have chosen to let their experience negatively impact them and be a victim. I refuse to be the victim but each to their own.

If it were that easy, the brain wouldn't block the traumas so that you couldn't even remember them. Tell me, how can you choose not to be the victim of something you don't even know because it is such a terrible memory that your brain has decided to hide it from yourself and still conditions you in your life?

 

[Deleted User#81194]

Hmmm, I wouldn't call them "benefits" necessarily but it's certainly contributed to who I am now.

It's made me cold and has work to developed a high pain tolerance, but because of this I've lost the ability to cry.

I've become extremely observant and always want to do everything on my own, I have 0% trust in anyone. I'm always suspicious of others intentions.

I know if I'm in trouble no one's going to save me, and whatever disaster falls upon me, I always accept. I don't deserve anything and no one is obligated to help me, this world is one of survival and you're in it all alone.

But even so.. you can still find strength in those wounds.

 

[enough of this]

I don't know that there are really any benefits. It taught me how to survive through isolation and introversion, and how to be a good hermit.

 

[chloramine]

Exactly. Clearly a lot of people here have chosen to let their experience negatively impact them and be a victim. I refuse to be the victim but each to their own.

Can we please not treat people being hurt by other people and not wanting to look at it as a good thing as them making themselves victims? Some people deal with trauma by focusing on how it might help them and that's valid. But healing from trauma doesn't have to mean looking on the bright side. It's equally valid to say "this sucked and what happened to me was wrong and wasn't fair and I didn't deserve that" and leave it at that. And if people haven't reached that point in any way yet that's okay too. We don't need to treat them as weak or lesser or like it's their fault for not having your mindset and way of dealing with it.

 

[Dogged fellow]

There are some, though I imagine they're few. One thing is developing resilience. Cynicism is good too to some degree. Being hyper independent. What else?

I'd argue theres no benifit that can't be archived through non abusive means like all of the goods you mentioned can be also archieved with non abusive means.

 

[UKscotty]

Can we please not treat people being hurt by other people and not wanting to look at it as a good thing as them making themselves victims? Some people deal with trauma by focusing on how it might help them and that's valid. But healing from trauma doesn't have to mean looking on the bright side. It's equally valid to say "this sucked and what happened to me was wrong and wasn't fair and I didn't deserve that" and leave it at that. And if people haven't reached that point in any way yet that's okay too. We don't need to treat them as weak or lesser or like it's their fault for not having your mindset and way of dealing with it.

Each to their own but it is my strong belief that a choice I have is to be a victim or not. No one can make me be a victim.

I'd argue theres no benifit that can't be archived through non abusive means like all of the goods you mentioned can be also archieved with non abusive means.

No one said the abuse was a good thing or needed. It's about how many of turn the situation around and turn it to good. It's either that or sit in pity for life as a victim.

 

[AbsurdCapybara]

I was abused as a child and I somehow didn't develop any resiliency or independence. I'm definitely cynical though and hyper vigilant. It's hard for me to trust anyone. Personally, I can't say that I developed any good qualities from experiencing childhood abuse. It absolutely fucked me. But I'm going to dig deep and try to come up with something. I guess being abused as a child made me aware from a very early age that I was part of a vicious cycle of abuse that I already knew I did not want to perpetuate on any offspring. As a result of abuse I also believed from childhood that suicide is a person's choice that shouldn't be taken away from them through contrived social red-tape.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I was abused as a child and I somehow didn't develop any resiliency or independence. I'm definitely cynical though and hyper vigilant. It's hard for me to trust anyone. Personally, I can't say that I developed any good qualities from experiencing childhood abuse. It absolutely fucked me. But I'm going to dig deep and try to come up with something. I guess being abused as a child made me aware from a very early age that I was part of a vicious cycle of abuse that I already knew I did not want to perpetuate on any offspring. As a result of abuse I also believed from childhood that suicide is a person's choice that shouldn't be taken away from them through contrived social red-tape.

I didn't learn how to be a hardened badass from the experience like I hoped I would. I'm just weaker mentally in a lot of ways when around people. In my personal life, being fiercely independent is good and bad. Resilience has carried me this far but life just gets harder.