Discussion What are some obstacles you face in spending time with friends in person?

[SymphonysofAgony]

I'm curious to see what are the top 3 or 5 reasons people find it difficult to hang out with friends. I wonder if the reasons change depending on the age, your type of local (urban, suburban, rural)?

For me my top five reasons are in order of most significance to least significance:
-#1: Cost.
Hanging out is hardly ever less than like 40 let alone 20$, I also like to pay for my friends if I invite them somewhere as I feel it's the respectful thing to do since it was my idea to go somewhere. Then they'll pay for the next thing we do either day of or next hangout.
-#2: Aligning schedules.
Pretty self explanatory, but a lot of the time our schedules are just so out of sync it's difficult to find a day within two or three weeks that'll work.
-#3: All my friends spend every second of their free time either alone or with their partner.
Ever since I turned 19 (I'm 22), I've noticed the older I get the more glued to their partner any of my friends become. It's especially annoying when this happens with friends who are like "I love my homies!" but they spend every second with their partner, even if they're not in the 'honeymoon' phase. I don't think it's healthy to spend most of your time just with one person yo.
-#4: Guilt.
I tend to feel guilty for going out & having fun when I could probably be doing something productive or saving the money for something useful like new cleaning supplies or devices lol.

I live in NYC, some of my friends live here or in the nearby suburbs like towns in long island or Newark in NJ.

 

[Ambivalent1]

What are friends? Friends are people that you think are your friends but they're really your enemies with secret identities with disguises to hide their true colors

Eminem

 

[cgrtt.brns]

1. anxiety/agoraphobia
im scared of going outside so it takes a lot for me to go out. im also scared of asking ppl to hang out, i feel guilty and am scared of rejection so i wait for others to invite me out which obviously doesnt happen much bc i never invite them out
2. lack of independent transport/distance
i dont have any friends local to me/that i can walk to. i cant drive/dont have a car yet so i have to rely on my parents, i hate asking them to take me places bc theyre very unpredictable, sometimes theyre fine and other times they get angry at me. anxiety prevents me from using public transport, also the unreliability and cost of it.
3. cost
i dont have a job, i rely on my parents for money and i hate asking them for money bc i feel like a piece of shit and a leech. it sucks that theres barely any places to go or things to do that are free now.

 

[outatime_85]

I can't list the top five reasons because I fall into the category of:

1: I have no friends.

2: I have no partner.

That said, I think those who do have friends or a partner and can afford it should spend as much time as they can making special moments, even if that is just sitting on a beach with a bonfire and watching the sun set with a cooler full of their favorite beverages.

 

[psp3000]

I don't have any friends but when I did when I was 7 - 16
I wasn't allowed to go out or go anywhere which negatively impacted my social skills and social life or lack there of

-no one asks you to hang out because they already know the answer
-you have to deal with people talking about how much fun they had over the weekend or break
-your friendships become distant and make you feel isolated
-when you eventually go out you don't know what to do at all and stick out like a sore thumb
-having to hide things all the time
-being sad because you never get to experience anything or hangout with people your own age which was even worse for me since I don't have any siblings at all
-over thinking and analyzing everything you say or do / social anxiety stuff

I have only been out 2 times once when I went to a friend's house for her birthday in middle school

and once in highschool when I had to do stuff for school and my friend gave me a ride it was so embarrassing having to ask for permission to go out with a highschool friend I understand but also I don't understand and I wonder if anyone else had that experience or had to do that in highschool

if I had friends now I think they would dislike me because of me not knowing how to drive and not having a job at the moment

which means I would have to rely on them for a ride or I would just prefer to stay home or do something they probably don't want to do since a lot of people here do not like going outside

I don't enjoy parties so it just wouldn't work
I am more of a simple quiet hangout with 3 or 4 people kind of person

 

[Rocinante]

I don't think I faced any obstacles when I hung at with people other than the time we were able to be together, which is usually late at night into early morning hours.
Nowadays even responding to a message or text feels like an obligation

 

[LostinCyberspace]

not knowing how to drive and not having a job at the moment

I'm in the same situation. I can't imagine anyone wanting to spend too much time with me since I don't work or have a driver's license.

my friend gave me a ride it was so embarrassing having to ask for permission to go out with a highschool friend I understand but also I don't understand and I wonder if anyone else had that experience or had to do that in highschool

That happened to me. Me and two of my friends back then wanted to ditch school early for summer and tried walking all the way home (we each lived about a mile from school). One of my friends called his mom to pick us up and when they were dropping me off I told her not to drop me off near my house, otherwise my parents would be upset with me.

 

[SymphonysofAgony]

3. cost
i dont have a job, i rely on my parents for money and i hate asking them for money bc i feel like a piece of shit and a leech. it sucks that theres barely any places to go or things to do that are free now.

I can relate to this as well!!
Ever since I started doing internships in high school and now that I'm older and do dog walking, I still give all my money to my mother to pay for any bills. When I was in high school she asked me to do it, but as I've gotten older I've gotten used to giving it to her so she doesn't even ask anymore. My older sister does the same, and it's easy for my mother to take our money to manage expenses since all our bank accounts are connected.
So I may not be in the same exact situation as you, but the end result of having to ask my mother for money is the same. I feel like such a leech and so unworthy of asking for some to go out, even a relatively small amount like $8 to cover the cost of taking public transit to and from a friends house.

I can also relate to everyone saying "needing to ask for permission". I even have to ask for permission/let my mom know I want to hop onto a Discord call with friends!

 

[working4theknife]

1. Lack of transportation
All my friends can drive but I can't. I feel bad having them pick me up all the time. The only public transportation would be the bus but then you'd spend most of the time taking it so in the end yr emotionally drained. It's very unreliable. I would take an Uber or something but then that's money I don't have.
2. Aligning in schedules as well
As we grow older I find it very difficult to pick a day because everyone's schedules is different.
3. Emotional issues
I will be very excited to see them but sometimes I get this overall wave of anxiety even tho I know everything is going to be fine. It makes me want to just stay home. Usually this happens with social events like if we are going to go out it worries me.
4. Psychical issues.
I have chronic illness along with an eating disorder that basically makes it so I can't get outta bed. Usually if my psychical health is trash my mental is too lol
5. Sometimes I'm scared to ask them
I just feel like everyone is busy with their lives I don't wanna be an inconvenience yk?

 

[ANONYMOUSM]

When my friend asks me to make plans with them, I just have to go with it because I dont want them to be suspious about my ctb again. We also talk about the future together even though I wont be there and I just have to laugh along. It isnt their fault though they are really a good person. I hope the best for them.

 

[sammiechzxv]

1 - I live in iowa, there's nothing to do here
2 - idk how to explain it but I just have a harder time talking in person. I can never come up with an interesting conversation topic. I don't feel like I'm as funny in person either. It's easier when you can just send them something through text & talk about that.