What appeals to me most about suicide

[LaVieEnRose]

Besides wiping out the pain. Because I do feel this appeal.

I've never been able to exist on my own terms. My disabilities have hindered me greatly in that regard.

I've had countless mental health interventions forced and foisted on me since before I had two digits to my age. Had EMS sicced on me multiple times. Therapist, friend, mother (I guess the meaning of the proverb "once bitten twice shy was lost on me). And so many other interventions that went against the expertise I had on what I found helpful and what I didn't.

So it does feel good in a way to do something that goes so far against all the harmful crap that was forced on me and all of the received opinions about what people should do, to exercise the ultimate autonomy a person could possibly have.

 

[Cloud Busting]

That's fair. Suicide appeals to me because I didn't consent. It has always bothered me that I never asked to be born and what I love about the world will be inevitably stripped away without my control. I can at least control, where, when, and how it happens if I die at my own hand.

 

[NocturnILL]

I can resonate with that. Honestly I just do not have a desire or will to live, in the most simple way to put it. Beyond my own personal experiences and traumas that are apart of molding my views on life, this world is just ugh. Sure there are so many beautiful things on Earth to be seen, to be experienced, to be thankful for and dare I say it, to live for but what about all that is NOT. The fact that we are just "supposed" to endure any and everything makes CTB appeal to me too. I don't know if this is going to make any sense but a part of having control of my life is having control of if want to go, how I want to go, when I want to go…if I am not taken by natural causes or some tragic event so to speak.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

At the end of it all, that's all it is. A choice. The right to choose. That's it.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

It was to end the psychological pain, but now I have just kind of given up. There are some things I could do to probably live a reasonable life, but I just don't feel like doing shit. CTB just feels like the easier choice.