Venting What am I meant to do anymore?

[deadtrace]

I don't want to live anymore. There's no help, I've been through 5 years of trying now and nothing. I've came out even worse than when I started. My future is getting worse and worse the more I stall. I'd decided when I was 13 that I'd die by 18 if things didn't get better, then 20, now I'm 24 and hate myself for not doing it

I don't know what I'm even meant to do now. Can't get SN in the UK as far as I can tell. Live with my parents anyway so even if I could the risk of getting it posted here is high if it got seized or something I'd be interrogated. Other methods I find seem to be quite risky or violent. I just want a peaceful exit why is it so hard. I can't have a happy life, I can't recover. Even if I did recover I couldn't be happy in this world. I don't have a car for inert gasses, nowhere to use a tent. Why am I forced to just keep going through all this

 

[justwant2sleep]

I understand your frustration, I feel the same way. It is truly an awful feeling to be stuck here when all you want is to disappear. Sending hugs.

 

[アホペンギン]

Its terrible how people who want to leave this world so much are forced to stay meaninglessly. Its regrettable that you don't have access to any good methods and you keep on living despite having wanted to ctb by 18. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you have been searching for, someday.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it's really so dreadful feeling trapped here when you just wish to leave, honestly it's inhumane how people have purposely made suicide so difficult, it's horrible how we cannot just fall into an eternal sleep.

 

[Fox in the Snow]

I'm in the UK too. It just feels impossible, doesn't it?

 

[mothercoin]

I agree with you and feel the same way. I wish I knew how to get out of this feeling. I've totally isolated myself and I wish I had relationships of any kind but I just always end up cutting it off and ruining it. I think about jumping off a bridge or drowning myself every day.