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noname223

Angelic
Aug 18, 2020
4,169
I sleep horrendous. Soon there are exams and I am wide awake regularly at 4 a.m. I am very scared to relapse and to have a mental breakdown. I am also scared about the addictive medication which is the sole thing that helps. But I had severe withdrawal symptoms in the past from it.

Friday is my binging media articles day this semester. The quality is not as good as scientifical articles but it is good to get distracted. The news magazine I listened to published an article about a transgirl that tells her bullying story at school. I (noname223) was bullied at school too but for being obese. I imagine that the bullying got way worse in the age of social media. School classes have now whatsapp groups with their teachers. So glad I am not in school anymore. Cyberbullying would have been even way worse.

In the article they said the girl was born trans she identified as a girl since the age of 4. (The family was so supportive my parents would have hated and bullied me instead.)

This made me think. Are all members of the LGBTQI+ movement born this way? I am no member of this group. But I assumed as a layman, correct me when I am wrong that some might be born that way and maybe some people who had the predisposition were triggered by for example an traumatic event which caused it. There was a gay man who was very popular in this forum who was raped by his dad. In my self-help group someone was probably raped as a child and is now non-binary. I have heard such stories quiet often maybe anecdotal evidence is not enough to make a case. Maybe these people would have had a different gender or sexual identity if this abuse did not happen.

These are at least my layman thoughts about it. If they are offensive I apologize in advance. I am curious what members of the LGBTQI+ community think about it. I would assume it probably is nature combined with nurture. The personality is allegedly determined 50/50 by that. Not sure in this instance. Depends on the individual (?)
 
Nortu

Nortu

Longing for an ending
Apr 7, 2023
83
In my case its really just been this way as Long as I can remember. There was a time in my life Where I was refered to and treated differently than now but I was still the same person I am now. Only thing that changed was having a way to describe how I felt. Before that I thought there was something wrong with me that others didn't experience. Figuring out myself was the best and worst thing. The dysphoria is awful, but I'd rather do it living openly than closeted.
I know a lot of other queer folks irl and online but their identities arent tied to any event. Some found out later on than others due to reasons (living in small towns or strictly having to follow the social expectationS). Though, one of them was in a relationship with a girl that assaulted them several times and later on prefered guys more than girls due to the trauma. But they still identify as bi
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
6,905
I'm not gay or trans myself but I have a few gay friends. One guy realised when he was very young that he felt attracted to boys- so, I imagine he was gay from birth. I have a female friend who dated guys right into her 20's before she started dating women. Maybe she was bisexual the whole time but now, I think she only goes for women. I guess everyone is different. Neither as far as I know had any kind of traumatic experience that changed them. I think both just genuinely felt attracted to whichever sex they went for.
 
BojackHorseman

BojackHorseman

The View From Halfway Down
Feb 8, 2023
33
I'm a pansexual woman.

You know how little kindergarten kids gets crushes? I remember my first little crush in kindergarten was another girl. I just thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. She was nice to me and fun to play with and always had pretty outfits. I thought she was just the nicest person ever and was devastated when she moved away before kindergarten was even over. Because of this little kiddie crush I do believe I was born this way.

Fast forward to junior high, gym and locker room time. I always felt awkward in the locker room for some reason. I was so nervous to look another girl in the eye or talk. I think it was internal homophobia. I liked girls and therefore felt out of place and awkward being naked around other girls and didn't have the words to explain. I didn't grow up in a house where gay was good or bad, it was simply not discussed at all. It just wasn't a thing. So basically I was awkward cause I had these feelings that I didn't understand and I just assumed everyone felt this way but it was apparently not socially acceptable to talk about or act on those feelings. So yeah, I thought everyone was basically a closet gay šŸ¤£ It wasn't until high school that I realized "oh shit not everyone feels like this, I think im queer".

I do think that the idea that trauma or environment can "make" or "force" someone to truly be queer is wrong. Many many straight people go through trauma and are still straight.

My father was very abusive. He did not love or want me. The amount of hugs and I love yous he ever gave me could fit on one hand. But I honestly do not think that had any bearing on my sexuality. It had a profound affect on me, but I do not feel like it "made" me queer.
What it did do to me was damage my self esteem and self worth and I do have.... how should I say it.... performance issues. He would have porn posters and calenders hanging on the walls. The china cabinet didn't have fine china or valuables... it had shirts with naked women. He would masturbate with his laptop in the living room, instead of taking it into the fucking bedroom. When he ruined his laptop with porn viruses, he got a desktop in his office. He would masturbate in there but never shut the door. He would masturbate in the living room with porn on the TV. There were porn tapes and magazines in his closet. You get the idea, I grew up around porn and nudity. So yeah as a preteen curious about sex, I turned to porn to learn what sex was. This was obviously damaging to a young girls perception of sex and a woman's role. Something I still struggle with in my 30s and don't feel up go discussing in depth right now. I was starved for male attention, so I used my newfound knowledge of sex to get the attention of much older men. I was a textbook case of daddy issues and allowed myself to be abused and taken advantage of more times than I care to speak of. I spent my 20s feeling "dirty" and guilty for it, but now that I'm older, the dirty people who should feel guilty are the 30-40 yr old men who saw a young teenage girl with very obvious emotional issues and decided to take advantage of her. I no longer feel guilt or shame and I'm in a much better state now.

So basically my point is: yes my trauma fucked me up in the head about what loving and consensual sex is, but it had no affect on who specifically I was attracted to.
 
N

numblydeprived

New Member
Feb 12, 2024
4
I dont know
as of recently I have finally accepted that I have gender dysphoria
(At least commenting about it because I always knew it was something like that)
it fucking sucks, I mean it doesnt make any sense I have no reason to feel this way and yet it's always there linguering on my mind
I try to supress it only for me to fail and waste all day trying to cope whit this feeling that always manages to get the better of me
I knew I wanted to be someone of the opposite gender since I was 5 years old
But only when my teenage years started that I just became a ball of misery
I had to dissasociate just to get by and it was so awful I wanted to feel something anything that made me feel like a human
And yeah I didnt exactly have the best life living in a third world country and such whit a controlling father who made mom's life a hell on earth
But if I didnt have this and had never felt that way I wouldnt have wasted so much of my youth
Its painful just trying to get by and at this point the comorbities became so chronic that I dont really feel internal peace anymore
But as it always has been I cannot do anything about it I feel either too ashamed of it too disgusted of it too paranoid about it etc
And anything that will make me look more masculine makes me either feel bad or just nothing
I didnt even know what trans was until i was 12 or so
Anyway this became a lil too venty but yeah I was just born this way and even if I just want to be "normal" I cannot do it
I can externaly but internaly I will always be in this turmoil
 
Proteus

Proteus

Proficient with the trident
Feb 6, 2024
93
Actually I was very straight in my late teens, the thought of a naked male used to disgust me. One day my horny teen brain thought how cool would be being bi, having access to everyone and all, so I tried to focus on what made men attractive and focus on that despite hating them. Eventually I liked them overnight. I think that's how it started lol.
 
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