This issue has been bothering me the past year I need to hear a range of perspectives. Honestly I just wish I was someone else and not me anymore. My former friend lashed out against me so angrily and I never seen anyone snap. It was comments I made in a casual conservation I had with her
My former friend is a vitcim of child sexual abuse( CSA) and has had every single relationship as abusive and has been raped by boyfriends before. Her first sexual experience was as a result of the CSA she suffered. She suffers from extreme trauma as her childhood was just abuse and being failed by the system. She grew up with abusive parents.
I am the complete opposite of my former friend because I am an adult virgin and never had a boyfriend
at 25 years old. This is distorts how I see myself as a woman, my feminity, my maturity etc. I do feel like an outsider amoung women my age because the majority of women my age had their first sexual experiences as teenagers. I see my adult virginity as symbol of my own immaturity and insecurity of my own feminity.
One day we were having a casual private conversation among ourselves I just said the vast majority of women will never understand how it feels like to go through your ENTIRE life never being wanted by a man and always being be rejected and overlooked by men your entire life. She disagreed then I then said she doesn't understand a lifetime of male rejection, never being desired and always being ignored by men because she has had boyfriends throughout her life. She got really mad at me, lashed out me, attacked me for having a privileged upbringing in life and said how how I was so offensive
She brought up her rapes she experienced, being choked etc. She absolutely hates me. She even went on social media to complain about me and publicly mocked and humiliated me for so being sheltered in life.
Help me understand I just need to hear some perspectives as I am so confused. I apologised but she absolutely hates me so much. It was never my intention to hurt anyone. I wish I didn't see the world and myself the way I do.
It sounds like you know quite a lot about her and that she has felt more than comfortable opening up to you and others and using you as a support system.
You merely wanted a fraction of the same and she lost it on you because she incorrectly interpreted your own trauma and negative experiences as invalidating her own, when you merely brought up the fact that she has had several relationships that indicate male attention/validation as a female and you have not.
Regardless of her other experiences, it's true that she cannot understand what you've been through as much as you may not be able to understand what she has been through.
The difference is that you didn't seem to take all of her opening up to you as a slight or an attack on the fact that you have been without something that comes so easily to her, whereas she had a total knee-jerk out of proportion reaction to your gripe..and then went on to publicize it and rally the forces on social media to humiliate you and compound the trauma and alienation you opened up to her about.
CSA (and the list of things she brought up) is nothing to scoff at, but it doesn't mean your own struggles are either.
And she immediately dismissed them
before you then went on to bring up why she may have done that.
So she opened that door.
If she had been supportive and tried to see things from your perspective from the beginning, you likely would not have had to point out where her initial disagreement may be stemming from.
Your statement was far from inaccurate, after all.
Also, having boyfriends is a willing action.
The abuse wasn't, but at one point she
did reciprocate and thus respond to the attention and interest she was getting from her future partners, and I gather that this is ultimately what you were referring to.
People are not going to like what I have to say next, but CSA in particular is something that attains almost universal sympathy from strangers and friends alike. Even more so than other types of assault (both sexual or even physical maiming , etc).
The answer as to why is simple: it's a sexual crime against a
child.
The only people who don't lend it such sympathy, are usually those inside a family unit when they are either responsible for what happened or feel too much guilt or discomfort to let the victim speak about it to them, or even assert it in the first place.
Seeking outside validation for what they went through is common.
The reactions they find elsewhere and the outpouring of empathy emboldens victims who would otherwise feel shame about the situation to eventually air their grievances many times over, because let's be real here..anybody who dismisses a CSA victim will always be seen as an asshole.
Often times, even if the past victim is an asshole themselves (which is certainly possible, hell, many perpetrators were also victims as well unfortunately).
To a point, this opening up can be good for the victim and not at all harmful to their audience or those around them.
It can even help other sufferers feel less alone or alert people on the signs to look out for.
Other times..it leads to something more malignant.
Not all victims do the following..obviously (some never even come forward), and there is usually a secondary pattern of attributes at play with those that do this, but their trauma can eventually be used as a shield against criticism.
What happens is that they feel that so long as people know what happened to them, they will be less likely to get pushback for anything they do or say..even if unrelated to the topic.
They may even feel justified in this manipulation because of what happened to them.
Some are a little more aware of how they're utilizing their own trauma than others, but no matter what..it can get messy and it can lead to unpleasant and toxic interactions with other people they cross paths with, even those who willingly get close to them.
It's not the only type of trauma that leads to this behavior (many other socially sympathetic traumas do) but it is one of the most rampant and difficult types to defuse, because those around the individual find it so very hard to tell them to cut the shit. Else they become 'the worst person to walk the earth' and get blasted on social media as well, or behind the scenes.
Your friend having the other experiences to throw back in your face on top of it, doesn't help matters.
Her bringing up her rapes and being choked have nothing to do with what you were feeling so upset about to try to bring it up in a conversation with someone who is meant to be a friend.
Plenty of people who never receive any normal or initial validation from the sex they're interested in, have been raped.
Plenty have been choked.
And so on.
The inverse is also true.
Plenty of other people who receive attention and ease into relationships, have not had these abuses occur.
She seems to be incorrectly conflating desirability with other events that have happened to her, in order to downplay her own advantages and obfuscate your disadvantage, and this is very common of those who are lucky or privileged in the dating and/or looks department.
I see it happen all the time.
It's a double whammy when the person also has or claims trauma of some sort that was relational or sexual in nature.
She is only accusing you of being "privileged" because she is projecting back to you what she is trying to deny about herself, which your comment undoubtedly and inevitably insinuates.
She is probably used to being the one on the receiving end of both sympathy and the spot light, so you upending at least one of those in order to speak on your own woes may be too much for her to handle apparently.
She may have started to identify too much with her own trauma and so the whole house of cards came crashing down.
She is not able or willing to separate certain things that make up her own history, in order to honor the fact that other people on the opposite side of the spectrum can suffer severely too.
And that is really what she doesn't seem to appreciate, respect or care about..that you are suffering dearly too,
We know this because she decided to make a mockery out of your suffering, entering public humiliation into the equation..and from the sounds of it, spinning things to the beat of her own narrative.
That is
unacceptable.
She has become a facilitator of bullying and trauma herself now, and there is no excuse.
Sorry to say, but if it were me, this would be grounds for the friendship ending for good and I would cut her off after telling her how wrong she was in choosing the course of action that she did.
She has no grounds to "hate" you for a disparity or difference in what pains you and she clearly is not able to empathize with you, thus proving your initial point.
I don't care what anybody else says, this is massively disgusting and juvenile behavior on her part.
I think the guilt you feel about this is misplaced, but I understand why contributing circumstances may have cornered you into the concern that you are somehow the bad guy.
have said. trauma is relative, and not a competition. seems your 'friend' isn't aware of that tidbit. i am truly sorry for the pain you have, and the way you've been unfairly treated in life 
