Well, I've ended up here.

[moonlights]

Hello everyone, this is my first post.

I'm Moon. He/Him. 19 years old.
I feel like a lost soul. I have a good family. Got an OK job. I'm with the love of my life. I have some pretty cool friends. Yet despite all this, what goes on inside my head doesn't stop. I'm constantly in this battle with myself where I feel super depressed but "look where you're at, you have no reason to be!". I don't like talking to people about it because I hate to come off as the guy looking for attention. Or I hate to just get insensitive positivity without them truly understanding my view. I just wish people understood. I hope my feelings don't make me a selfish person.

I've been planning to CTB for a very long time, but.. have never been able to muster up the courage to do it. I don't want to do that to all those who love me. Especially my girlfriend. I'm not here for myself anymore. I'm only here because the last thing I want to do is hurt those around me

Anyway.. hope I can have some good chats with you guys here.

 

[Why Me?]

Hello everyone, this is my first post.

I'm Moon. He/Him. 19 years old.
I feel like a lost soul. I have a good family. Got an OK job. I'm with the love of my life. I have some pretty cool friends. Yet despite all this, what goes on inside my head doesn't stop. I'm constantly in this battle with myself where I feel super depressed but "look where you're at, you have no reason to be!". I don't like talking to people about it because I hate to come off as the guy looking for attention. Or I hate to just get insensitive positivity without them truly understanding my view. I just wish people understood. I hope my feelings don't make me a selfish person.

I've been planning to CTB for a very long time, but.. have never been able to muster up the courage to do it. I don't want to do that to all those who love me. Especially my girlfriend. I'm not here for myself anymore. I'm only here because the last thing I want to do is hurt those around me

Anyway.. hope I can have some good chats with you guys here.

I'm curious, do you think your depressed because you find life boring and not worthwhile? Do you find your daily routine painful? If not could it be a chemical imbalance that could be helped with medicine?

 

[moonlights]

I'm curious, do you think your depressed because you find life boring and not worthwhile? Do you find your daily routine painful? If not could it be a chemical imbalance that could be helped with medicine?

I find it hard to wake up sometimes. Some days I find myself sleeping 12 or more hours. Daily routine can be painful. I just find life mundane and uninteresting.
Medicine wise... I had undergone treatment for ADHD when I was younger that caused serious reactions (made me extremely sensitive, would cry over the smallest things, etc) they had to take me off right away. But I've never been the same since. Not sure if that's why I am how I am today, but, that's a debate for another thread. Lol. It almost feels like an avalanche that just keeps getting bigger and bigger over time

 

[Why Me?]

I find it hard to wake up sometimes. Some days I find myself sleeping 12 or more hours. Daily routine can be painful. I just find life mundane and uninteresting.
Medicine wise... I had undergone treatment for ADHD when I was younger that caused serious reactions (made me extremely sensitive, would cry over the smallest things, etc) they had to take me off right away. But I've never been the same since. Not sure if that's why I am how I am today, but, that's a debate for another thread. Lol. It almost feels like an avalanche that just keeps getting bigger and bigger over time

Yeah, medications can have long term side effects. I know that from experience. Thanks for sharing, I hope you find peace.

 

[Sulyya]

I hope being here helps you. It's awful the way that these thoughts can seemingly reach anyone no matter what their life is.

It sounds like you could benefit from the recovery board to try beating those feelings as well as this one to maybe understand them and identify with people who also have them. That's how I see it anyway.

 

[moonlights]

Yeah, medications can have long term side effects. I know that from experience. Thanks for sharing, I hope you find peace.

Thank you that means a lot to me.

I hope being here helps you. It's awful the way that these thoughts can seemingly reach anyone no matter what their life is.

It sounds like you could benefit from the recovery board to try beating those feelings as well as this one to maybe understand them and identify with people who also have them. That's how I see it anyway.

Thank you

 

[Hollowman]

I'm curious, do you think your depressed because you find life boring and not worthwhile? Do you find your daily routine painful? If not could it be a chemical imbalance that could be helped with medicine?

Guess you haven't heard the chemical imbalance theory has never been proven. It's a lie.

 

[Why Me?]

Guess you haven't heard the chemical imbalance theory has never been proven. It's a lie.

Hmmm, interesting, I would have to look into that. I actually think I was born with a depressed brain.

 

[Sparr0w]

i feel you with the "young person with no real "good" reason to want to die" thing.
i hope you find happiness, no matter if it takes the form of ctb or recovery :)

 

[FuneralCry]

To me talking really is something so useless that could never be beneficial, people really are so irritating with how they force positivity and use it to invalidate people's feelings. There could certainly never be any peace from suffering in this world which is why any kind of positivity comes across as being irrational to me. But anyway I wish you the best, it's true that others would never be able to understand what we go through, it's undeniable that as humans we are all alone.

 

[iDreadThat]

if you think any of the people close to you would receive the information well, i urge you to give talking to them a chance. look at what you know of their personalities and how they react to heavy things, as well as how empathetic they are so they don't respond with a positive-bomb or force you to do things you don't want. you really might be one of the people who having somebody to talk to really helps, whether you think so or not. if it scares you, consider paying a professional to get things off your chest instead.

there is always a fair chance some kind of medication will help you. it's your choice entirely if you want to take that leap, considering everything. it's a very hard chance to take given your previous history with medicine, i understand, so you'll have to weigh the option yourself there.

 

[Octavia]

If you have no idea why you are depressed, then there is a good chance that therapy and/or antidepressants might help. A lot of people around 20 are on antidepressants nowadays, so it is not something to be ashamed of.