YandereMikuMistress
you say falling victim to myself is weak, so be it
- Apr 26, 2023
- 1,389
It has been a particularly bad couple months I stopped keeping track on my calander and only today I have decided to go back to it,,I've done this before donno why I've gotta be like this, it's as if I choose to male myself miserable, though it really doesn't feel purposeful,, anyway I guess somthing I noticed within the Multitude of things I've found myself rejoicing over the fact my scale told me 102lb but suddenly remembered the last time I started to really loose weight, i was in grade eight I believe and y'know throughout my childhood until now I've always had problems with this perception of myself and how I need to be but honestly I never took it as something serious, like the way I've convinced myself to be, I don't even know why I'm even typing all this out but back to grade eight this was the second major time I had Serious repercussions, since at that time I was around 90-95 pounds and I decided around the middle of the school year I needed to stop eating because I was quote "too big" I told myself,, I didn't eat for three days and woke up unable to move or speak, I tried so hard to yell for my mom I was stuck in my room crying silently because I guess even my voice was to weak, but the major thing was that I had no power at all, I really really fucking pushed myself to just at least lift my arms but holy fuck in that Momment I could barely even turn my head,, so I laid there till my mom noticed I hadn't left for school, and I just gotta say I called for my mom I tired, I kept on calling until she arrived tho funny thing is she couldn't even hear me still when she came through my door, but hey I could barely hear myself,, so my mom obviously seen me and had to get my dad to carry me out of my room but really cant remember much after that, ugh i just thought about that memory when like i said, after i checked the scale,, I don't have my glasses on and I'm sitting drenched in water so I'm going to cut this short,, I remember my mom considered my weight has been doing better but that's only because just a few months ago I was
120-125lb,, now I can't say im displeased with these recent weight developments its not like i haven't been trying to loose weight because I always am, even now though it's still not enough,
I look at myself and it's just not enough,
I can't recognize and correlate the two as in what I see in the nnmirror and what's on the scale.
120-125lb,, now I can't say im displeased with these recent weight developments its not like i haven't been trying to loose weight because I always am, even now though it's still not enough,
I look at myself and it's just not enough,
I can't recognize and correlate the two as in what I see in the nnmirror and what's on the scale.
