IWishToDie
I check notifications once per week
- Dec 31, 2023
- 480
It doesn't matter what I do or how I think, what I think about. Everything induces sadness. I can't go back to when I was happy but it's like I'm stuck there, without all the things that made life worth living.
I can almost reach out and touch it but it's all gone. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be like the people posting here for years (not including the moderators, obviously).
It's just so sad when I see people who have been here for 3 or 4 years and still haven't left. They say they would do anything to CTB and I just don't know what's stopping them. Can they not find SN somehow? Are they waiting for some mythical Nembutal source? I can't become that, I won't become that. I refuse to become that.
The doctors find a miracle cure for me or I choose death, I won't be a straggler in limbo wishing for death. I'm tired of saying, "kill me". Any day now I will order SN and risk the welfare check. I can't go back to the mental hospital, I f*cking won't go. I wish private sellers would send SN disguised as baking ingredients.
I will keep reading and learning. I am worried about suffocating and seizing before falling unconscious, the vomiting. Let's hope we can all find peace if we live or die.
Happy Thursday night/Friday afternoon. How are you keeping busy? I'm going to watch twitch and order food delivery like a loser, lol. French fries, fried chicken and gravy.
I can almost reach out and touch it but it's all gone. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be like the people posting here for years (not including the moderators, obviously).
It's just so sad when I see people who have been here for 3 or 4 years and still haven't left. They say they would do anything to CTB and I just don't know what's stopping them. Can they not find SN somehow? Are they waiting for some mythical Nembutal source? I can't become that, I won't become that. I refuse to become that.
The doctors find a miracle cure for me or I choose death, I won't be a straggler in limbo wishing for death. I'm tired of saying, "kill me". Any day now I will order SN and risk the welfare check. I can't go back to the mental hospital, I f*cking won't go. I wish private sellers would send SN disguised as baking ingredients.
I will keep reading and learning. I am worried about suffocating and seizing before falling unconscious, the vomiting. Let's hope we can all find peace if we live or die.
Happy Thursday night/Friday afternoon. How are you keeping busy? I'm going to watch twitch and order food delivery like a loser, lol. French fries, fried chicken and gravy.
