weed and alcohol make me wanna kill myself less which in turn makes me want to kill myself more.

[SadB0iHour]

i am drunk and high and seeing myself and like holy shit. apologies in advance for this self pitying block of text but I am such a piece of shit. I got pregnant at twenty to a man nine years older than me after a childhood of sexual and other kinds of abuse. i kept the baby because I wanted to keep the man. i had two more. i went more than a decade totally dissociated and somehow raised three incredibly smart tiny humans in spite of their flat-earth believing, self-hating white supremacist father who made mixed raced children with a native woman. they are the coolest little humans and i am the worst fucking mother. i can't even teach my kids about dinosaurs.

don't have kids. the world is fucked behond my specific circumstances. i wish I'd killed myself at eight when i first tried.

thanks/sorry if you read this.

 

[ctb_warrior]

I'm so sorry to hear about your life experiences.
And you are right, the world is totally fucked up beyond imagination. You are perfect the way you are, don't blame yourself. You don't need to be hard on yourself. Loosen yourself up a bit.
When we take life a lot seriously, it appears very tough. When we take life in a happy go lucky way, it becomes a bit better if not completely better.