Help Wating to CTB asap

[Vivacious_Vee]

Why do I want to CTB, that is easy, unable to connect with the rest of the world.

Has to be asap, today. Please help me find my way back home. I am ok, I know my mind, but I need to go now, unsure how, I can hear the bus, I know its comming my bus will be like the one in Totoro.

I have no idea, and feel very overwhelmed with all the posts, this site is full of positive information and shared experiences thank you, but for me, I know the bus is waiting for me, I just need to get the correct items to take with me when I CTB. I thought I would just happen over a post and then, that would be it, and I could catch the bus now, But there is so much information...

Just eating my last supper/lunch might even go out and get a desert, then I thought, maybe some alcohol (scotch), don't drink, but might need to swill out my mouth??? But again, I need to make sure 100% that there is no getting off the bus and this will be my last bus journey.
Any discussions I should look at? If of course you have time, I might post a couple more, then go and get some desert... But would like to CTB before Wednesday...

 

[FuneralCry]

There is a suicide resource complination section in the sticky threads of suicide discussion, maybe that's what you are looking for, but sadly there's just no straightforward way to leave, I hate how suicide has to be so difficult and complicated, I really wish there was an easy, accessible, instant method but it's just not the reality. But anyway best of luck, I hope you find what you search for.

 

[Vivacious_Vee]

There is a suicide resource complination section in the sticky threads of suicide discussion, maybe that's what you are looking for, but sadly there's just no straightforward way to leave, I hate how suicide has to be so difficult and complicated, I really wish there was an easy, accessible, instant method but it's just not the reality. But anyway best of luck, I hope you find what you search for.

Thank you very much, I am sure the right bus is waiting for me.

I have been reading loads of posts all day, came on over 5 hours ago, reading loads, so thank you, will carry on reading.
I will check them out, thought about slitting throat too, like women used to do millennia ago in China, I just want to make it perfect.

Thinking the pull up bar behind the bathroom door with sheet over the top of door, then I can put a broom handle through handle, so door wont open, I can also make it difficult for anyone to get up stairs, then put notes saying "Do not resuscitate" work in health care and had loads of clients like that.... I need half an hour, the hounds will be ok, as they will have the garden, neighbours will complain if they bark though the night, so no worries.

 

[Readytogo246]

Best wishes for a peaceful experience.

 

[Vivacious_Vee]

Best wishes for a peaceful experience.

Thank you so much, I keep expecting hate or nasty comments, thank you so much, thank you. This has made me smile, thank you... I have put notes all around outside, so who ever can get in ok. I am going to put something behind all door handles so they dont open, have locked the front door and put the lock on it too, will also put a bar behind the handle. Thank you so much, thank you xx

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm so sorry that your going through this, remember once doing it there is no going back, so I urge you to find some reason to keep living. When your this suicidal your brain doesn't think right as it's going through plenty of emotions. So once again rethink everything. Life is shit, but there is some light to it. I hope you find peace in life or death, god speed and my your soul be welcomed home

 

[Vivacious_Vee]

I'm so sorry that your going through this, remember once doing it there is no going back, so I urge you to find some reason to keep living. When your this suicidal your brain doesn't think right as it's going through plenty of emotions. So once again rethink everything. Life is shit, but there is some light to it. I hope you find peace in life or death, god speed and my your soul be welcomed home

Thank you so much for your kind words, they truly are beautiful. I have to do this, this is something I have to do, it makes so much sense to me, since thinking about this and finding ways to do this, I have felt alive, and so happy, a neighbour just came round as I am sorting a sheet to hang myself with and we chatted for about an hour, then 2 other neighbours appeared, it was perfect, they are going to remember me as my old self, happy and chatty.

I dont want to come back, I am 52 years old and I want to go home now, my children are all adults. what happened last year has to come up, they have to be held accountable, and if this is a way that might get those bastards accountable, then I will do it. I feel so happy at the moment, not sad, or anything, I am prepping the house, have locked the back gate and made sure the hounds have 2 large bowls of water, they have been fed, there is no way the front door can be opened, I have wrote messages on the door in marker pen, have thrown loads of clothes, shoes and dishes away over the last 2 days... I need to go home.... I dont wnat to come back, I want to gg home. The only reason to live, is to get the bus, that is the only reason for living. My time is done, I am ok with that, my children will get over it, they have an amazing daddy who is a good man who will look after them.
The only emotion I feel now, is relaxed and happy, I am not crying, since deciding to do this, I have stopped crying... So thank you for your kind words, but please respect that at 52 years old I am well aware of the choices I am making. x

Being raped under general anaesthetic is worse than having a shit life? Those bastards are still doing this, and are not being accountable, if I have to do this, then so be it, I am happy about that.... What light is there? Lets just say I will never get any B12 ever again, nothing goes up my back passage, tehy really done a job on me, yet people just dismiss it? Well the chose the wrong person... I will not give up and I will not go quietly.
My soul already feels welcomed home, I know this is going to happen and I feel like a am at my birthday party and everything is perfect....

 

[Readytogo246]

Blessings on your beautiful journey! You are so clear. I await my favorite day for now.....and you sound very ready. I love it where you say the only reason to live is to catch the bus. I feel the same way. Best wishes weary traveler.

 

[Vivacious_Vee]

Blessings on your beautiful journey! You are so clear. I await my favorite day for now.....and you sound very ready. I love it where you say the only reason to live is to catch the bus. I feel the same way. Best wishes weary traveler.

Thank you, when on the bus I will look out for hitch hikers! xx Just made rope out of some lush sheets, so not long, wanted it to be today, but if I go over by an hour to two, no matter... Just deciding if should lock the back door, but then houds wont be able to get out in morning for toilet and dont want to stress them out any more than they need to be....

Just making a post now, I feel so at pease with myself, this is a beautiful feeling, I am making this happen.. .When my neck is in the noose I will send the email to the hospital, police, solicitor and news papers too... Will add a friend too, just so someone has the correct details to share online.... I know they will make sure the truth gets out... Thank you so much xx

 

[Readytogo246]

Awesome! I would advise not sending the email before you go and letting the dogs get inside. You don't want to get caught and have the process disrupted like I hear of so often here--their responses can be very fast. Perhaps consider mailing the information rather than emailing it for more time for YOU.

 

[Vivacious_Vee]

Awesome! I would advise not sending the email before you go and letting the dogs get inside. You don't want to get caught and have the process disrupted like I hear of so often here--their responses can be very fast. Perhaps consider mailing the information rather than emailing it for more time for YOU.

Thank you so much, I will email a friend who I know wont look at the email yet anyway, and get them too....
Thank you again , that makes sense... I just dont want hounds to get stressed... But you make sense thank you so much for your kind words x I am doing this within the next hour, bugger, wanted to send them.. but yes.... fuck... Can I send but at a certain time??? Ohhh bugger.... Oh well.... I will just have to not have such a dramatic sent off.... Oh well...

Thank you very much, I am sure the right bus is waiting for me.

I have been reading loads of posts all day, came on over 5 hours ago, reading loads, so thank you, will carry on reading.
I will check them out, thought about slitting throat too, like women used to do millennia ago in China, I just want to make it perfect.

Thinking the pull up bar behind the bathroom door with sheet over the top of door, then I can put a broom handle through handle, so door wont open, I can also make it difficult for anyone to get up stairs, then put notes saying "Do not resuscitate" work in health care and had loads of clients like that.... I need half an hour, the hounds will be ok, as they will have the garden, neighbours will complain if they bark though the night, so no worries.

Ive changed my mind, made rope out of a sheet, it is strong, and will put a sock over it, as threw away all stockings, that would of felt so lush on my neck, but a sock will do, then add Vaseline to it and read up on how to do this properly xx Thankyou xx