Wasnt sure how to react

[sash]

Hi
I was watching a live stream & the chat yesterday & someone posted "pls pray for me, my son has jus left n threatening to go home n kill himself".
I felt so uncomfortable.
The OP didnt ask 4 help, just prayers. The way OP messaged sounds like not the first time its happened. They were worried but relatively calm considering.
Ppl were sending prayers. Then msgs of "call cops now 2 smash door in to stop him n get him help" etc kinda things.
No trolls, its a friendly small stream. I mostly lurk outta shyness. I type something very rarely. Nice good ppl tho in chat.
I wanted to say "Its his decision" or "sure, he's suicidal n u wanna add 2 his trauma?, maybe if this aint his first threat then he's gone home n calmed down cos hes away from the person who stressed him enuf n made him threaten 2 kill himself". But it might not have been her triggering him, she might jus be the person he told.
or, cos his mum was posting online asking just 4 prayers, not help, cos it really didnt sound like his first threat to me, I wanted 2 say "If its not his first threat like this then leave him be if that helped him stop before"
But I jus left the stream.
Nothing I coulda said from "Oh no, hugs to you" to "leave him the f§ck alone" would have helped her.

Any suggestions if you were in that situation?
Thanks for reading.

 

[Fktw0rld]

Just think, all those "angels" sending their prayers online are cheating on their husbands and wives, beating off to cp, surfing porn, spreading rumors and telling lies about everyone else around town, judging eachother, chasing material things, sinning daily with their eyes, mouths and thoughts. But online they're so angelic and precious, aren't they? Their prayers will save that poor soul. That's all they need.

 

[sash]

Just think, all those "angels" sending their prayers online are cheating on their husbands and wives, beating off to cp, surfing porn, spreading rumors and telling lies about everyone else around town, judging eachother, chasing material things, sinning daily with their eyes, mouths and thoughts. But online they're so angelic and precious, aren't they? Their prayers will save that poor soul. That's all they need.

Yep
One prayer each, then back to normal chat... Throwaway then unaffected

 

[lemonbunny]

i dont think there's a problem with asking for prayers.
sounds better than asking for advice when u don't even know the person. wishing them well, that the situation gets better, is harmless. you don't know the son's situation nor the parents'. so "Oh no, hugs to you" would've been fine. everyone goes through shit, if u wanna offer comfort then do it, otherwise just be quiet. "leave him the fuck alone" assumes more than you know and is probably doing more harm than good.

 

[sash]

i dont think there's a problem with asking for prayers.
sounds better than asking for advice when u don't even know the person. wishing them well, that the situation gets better, is harmless. you don't know the son's situation nor the parents'. so "Oh no, hugs to you" would've been fine. everyone goes through shit, if u wanna offer comfort then do it, otherwise just be quiet. "leave him the fuck alone" assumes more than you know and is probably doing more harm than good.

Thankyou, yes I didnt know the story. I wouldntve said the leave him thing, it was an example. My head was spinning from it. I wanted to help. Wished I wasnt a lurker & she knew me, cos I sorta know her, u know. wanted to reach out. The other regulars after a reply went back to normal. They are a nice group I couldnt understand why they didnt keep talking w her, they jus moved on.
Sorry went on there, thanks for relying :)

 

[Fktw0rld]

Gotta ask for prayers to maintain a certain level of innocence and purity. It's not like the parents are gonna say, "hey everyone, we're major pieces of shit that are most likely a huge factor in our child's role to evade us and choose suicide. Let's get out there, get proactive and find him so we don't look like assholes when he's found dead."

 

[theboy]

well, it seems that he believed in God. So, I would show him the word of God and the hope that is written in it. Maybe he was determined to do it but it's strange why would he ask for prayers if he was going to do it anyway?

 

[sash]

well, it seems that he believed in God. So, I would show him the word of God and the hope that is written in it. Maybe he was determined to do it but it's strange why would he ask for prayers if he was going to do it anyway?

Hi
It was the mum in chat asking for prayers, her adult son said he was going to ctb then he went home.

 

[unabletocope]

Could have got involved, could have made it worse. Who knows, I feel for you if its overwhelmed you in a way that has affected you

 

[sash]

Could have got involved, could have made it worse. Who knows, I feel for you if its overwhelmed you in a way that has affected you

Thankyou. Yeah I felt all sorts & when ppl gave prayers or advice then jus moved on... I felt helpless for her. We know how it feels, we jus need someone to hear us. Whether she was the cause or not, she cares very much about him.
Still thinkin about her.

 

[Raindancer]

Not sure if you have a way to contact her through the chat, but if you do maybe send a thinking of you from the chat the other night, hope everything is OK. It is very disconcerting. I do not think I've seen any other conversation topic ignored or changed or moved on from than CTB. It really freaks people out except for offering all the platitudes. This comes up in a group I am in periodically and it is almost 100% prolife, no other perspective and I have come close so many times to say something but I haven't.

 

[sash]

Not sure if you have a way to contact her through the chat, but if you do maybe send a thinking of you from the chat the other night, hope everything is OK. It is very disconcerting. I do not think I've seen any other conversation topic ignored or changed or moved on from than CTB. It really freaks people out except for offering all the platitudes. This comes up in a group I am in periodically and it is almost 100% prolife, no other perspective and I have come close so many times to say something but I haven't.

Hi. Thankyou.
I've been watching the chat all day, seen her last hour, shes a bit hyper than normal (worries eh), lots of 'lol' replies 2 ppl n one liners, being v interactive within the group. Im guessing he made it thru. But its not over..
Im gonna b brave n join the chat a bit, I do msg rarely but will do more, then in a few days I'll send her love & hopes.
Thankyou

Yep ppl do move on quick... Its a shame. I wish most ppl would realise that if someone brings it up, its cos its on their mind maybe low level, maybe imminent, maybe a loved one & they jus need someone to hear them.

 

[theboy]

Hi
It was the mum in chat asking for prayers, her adult son said he was going to ctb then he went home.

ah, I understand. So sad. hope the mother is better.

 

[Raindancer]

Hi. Thankyou.
I've been watching the chat all day, seen her last hour, shes a bit hyper than normal (worries eh), lots of 'lol' replies 2 ppl n one liners, being v interactive within the group. Im guessing he made it thru. But its not over..
Im gonna b brave n join the chat a bit, I do msg rarely but will do more, then in a few days I'll send her love & hopes.
Thankyou

Yep ppl do move on quick... Its a shame. I wish most ppl would realise that if someone brings it up, its cos its on their mind maybe low level, maybe imminent, maybe a loved one & they jus need someone to hear them.

That sounds perfect, I am sure she will appreciate it I remember lurking here for a very long time before I felt comfortable posting. I am still shy regarding the chat and don't usually chime in.

Exactly. Sometimes just being heard, really heard can make all the difference.

 

[rozeske]

This might be an unpopular opinion and might just be reflecting my own issues but I never understand those running around looking for prayers and last minute miracles when their child decides to kill themselves. If you have done everything right and all that is expected of a parent their isn't anything you can do if other circumstances led them to make this decision. A non guilty conscious doesn't usually think of those anyways. But if you have done all and any abuse that ended up traumatizing and ruining them, you don't have my sympathy when you are looking for a prayer to undo all that you did! You made your bed so might as well sleep in it.

 

[SVEN]

I'd probably just have said I was thinking of them (i would be) and hoped they would get through this whatever the outcome. I can get how the mum was just reaching out in pain and distress trying to deal with her feelings of helplessness and despair.

 

[sash]

This might be an unpopular opinion and might just be reflecting my own issues but I never understand those running around looking for prayers and last minute miracles when their child decides to kill themselves. If you have done everything right and all that is expected of a parent their isn't anything you can do if other circumstances led them to make this decision. A non guilty conscious doesn't usually think of those anyways. But if you have done all and any abuse that ended up traumatizing and ruining them, you don't have my sympathy when you are looking for a prayer to undo all that you did! You made your bed so might as well sleep in it.

I get you. I do.
We are all different. We all cope different.
It may not have been mums fault. She was the one he told.
I have seen her long time in chat, always nice. Thats why I got upset. The group moved on too quick. She dont 'know' me, shy lurker, stranger.

 

[rozeske]

I get you. I do.
We are all different. We all cope different.
It may not have been mums fault. She was the one he told.
I have seen her long time in chat, always nice. Thats why I got upset. The group moved on too quick. She dont 'know' me, shy lurker, stranger.

You are right the chats are very fast and shift quick. As a lurker and a non participant in the chat section myself, topics change pretty quick over there, everyone hase their own issues, their own demons to fight, they also might not have been sure how to respond to such thing and moved on after the first few replies. I also doubt the mom was expecting much knowing the chat behavior. Had it been on a thread here, it would stay on longer, giving a chance for a lot more audience and a lot more lengthy replies, a chance to interact and discuss the issue in depth. Maybe she prefered to avoid all this and was looking for what the chat provides.

You should try and participate in the chats if you wish to...you know say your peace when you see such thing that bothers you. Others might also endup appreciating it. I couldn't keep up with my slow typing even if I planned to, but it's the lurking I prefer over there :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's best you didn't comment. You really didn't know the situation by the sounds of it. His Mum could well have been a fantastic Mum. He could be deeply troubled by things that have nothing to do with her. Plus- it's kind of natural to fear losing someone you love. I'm obviously pro-choice and I'd have to accept it if someone I cared about told me they wanted or intended to CTB. But- of course it would upset me.

Then imagine what it's like for someone who loves you. Who so desperately wants the best for you. Who has maybe never had suicidal thoughts and simply can't get their head around them. They want to help but they probably realise they can't by now. If they're religious- they likely will be praying for a miracle. I doubt she was hoping her son would stay alive only to be in torment the rest of his life. She probably hopes things will get better.

I think that's why as a society and as families, we need to talk about problems, depression, suicide more openly. I think people need to start to acknowledge that for some people- there may not be an adequate solution. Not to give them a good enough quality of life anyhow.

From what you've said, it sounded like she was praying for the best but she wasn't considering going so far as to take away his freedom to choose. Honestly, I wouldn't have known what to say either. Maybe that she was given strength during this time and that things worked out for her son. We can't exactly hope that someone does CTB. We only hope they are able to find peace, one way or another.

 

[sash]

You are right the chats are very fast and shift quick. As a lurker and a non participant in the chat section myself, topics change pretty quick over there, everyone hase their own issues, their own demons to fight, they also might not have been sure how to respond to such thing and moved on after the first few replies. I also doubt the mom was expecting much knowing the chat behavior. Had it been on a thread here, it would stay on longer, giving a chance for a lot more audience and a lot more lengthy replies, a chance to interact and discuss the issue in depth. Maybe she prefered to avoid all this and was looking for what the chat provides.

You should try and participate in the chats if you wish to...you know say your peace when you see such thing that bothers you. Others might also endup appreciating it. I couldn't keep up with my slow typing even if I planned to, but it's the lurking I prefer over there :)

Hi.
Thankyou.
It wasnt here, it was a stream (not about sadness or similar) with a nice fairly regular group in chat.
If it was here I woulda DMd her for a chat, voice chat.
I am popping odd comments in, replied to her once so far.
Shes in and out being 'normal' so guessing the sons still here.

Take care :)