Was your life always terrible or was it good?

[EvilForProfit]

Mine was actually so amazing and then I ruined it completely all at once from one mistake. I know some people have had miserable lives entirely so I guess it makes me thankful for at least what I had even though it's completely all gone now... and what is it all worth after the fact? nothing

 

[EvilForProfit]

Also if it was really good and then is now completely terrible like mine, what happened?

 

[Meretlein]

Mine used to be out of this world when I was a kid. As a young teenager it got difficult still worth it. At 17 something happened and it basically ended my life.

 

[Minvino]

As a I was always told that I'm a lucky child because I'm born into a safe and comfortable life but I'm not really sure of that, things went downhill after that and I just felt worst and worst day by day.

At this point life just becomes meaningless for me.

 

[throwaway123]

Mine was never good. It has always been torture. Since day one.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I ruined it completely all at once from one mistake.

This. I ruined my life because of one mistake and I have never been able to recover from it. Life was not great before but it was good enough to stay alive, and look forward to. It has really been the past 5 years for me where all hell broke loose (severe trauma, health issues). I am nothing but a shell of my former self.

 

[Its911]

Life was good, it is me thats terrible.

 

[LivingToLong]

As a I was always told that I'm a lucky child because I'm born into a safe and comfortable life

Yes, many of us are taught and told to be "thankful". And, of course, objectively that's true. However, personally, I've never really taken solace in the fact that there are people worse off than myself. That's never been any consolation for me. My subjective self can't get to grips with the supposed objective reality. I guess my 'problem' is shared by many 'privileged' others and simply dismissed as a first world problem.

That is, that I exist and I think. I've created my own hell in my head that no amount of objectivity will shift... because I live my hell every day, I wake with it, and objectivity is something I have to coax myself into as and when.

So, in short, my life is not now nor ever has been terrible... and yet it is.

 

[Moms_Spaghetti]

This. I ruined my life because of one mistake and I have never been able to recover from it. Life was not great before but it was good enough to stay alive, and look forward to. It has really been the past 5 years for me where all hell broke loose (severe trauma, health issues). I am nothing but a shell of my former self.

This is exactly me.

 

[Taylor]

My life was literally incredible. I was so truly blessed and happy, the kind of person who would just lift the spirit of an entire room, the moment they walked in the door. I had so many friends and knew everybody, and everyone knew me. I was always the person whose presence was just a comfort, and "breath of fresh air" to be around, so to speak.

Then I badly injured myself training to be a US Navy SEAL (what else does a bored, immature, 19 yr old male do, when he has no idea what he wants out of life?) and that was the moment my life changed forever, and steadily declined into the deepest, darkest, abyss. I went through two awful shoulder surgeries, and because I was already so marred and not myself physically anymore from that, I began to develop some very strange social fears and anxieties that have slowly destroyed my life, and led to my ultimate demise. I'm now at the point of total social isolation (for two years now), and suffering in immense pain as the rest of my joints have already began the painful deterioration process as well, at just 22 years old, and I'm 25 now.

I'm still in disbelief at how rapidly my life has completely fallen apart, and basically did a complete 180, for the worse. I'm a Christian and what I find even more strange is that I was at the peak of my life in 2013 before all of this happened to me, right when my grandma died, and I almost feel like it's some sort of sign like she found something much better is signaling me to join her. I don't know how else to explain living my entire life completely happy and carefree, without any issues at all, to things changing in an instant and basically becoming an entirely different person, the moment she passed.

 

[Redt2go]

I almost feel like it's some sort of sign like she found something much better is signaling me to join her. I don't know how else to explain living my entire life completely happy and carefree, without any issues at all, to things changing in an instant and basically becoming an entirely different person, the moment she passed.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Mine was actually so amazing and then I ruined it completely all at once from one mistake. I know some people have had miserable lives entirely so I guess it makes me thankful for at least what I had even though it's completely all gone now... and what is it all worth after the fact? nothing

Mine is a mixture of both I kind of agree with you on this we all made choices of mistakes of consequences whatever the reason or lack thereof I have is only temporary even my dreams don't seem to come true.

 

[15dec]

I usually look back on my childhood as being a simpler, happier time, but when I actually think about it I realise the amounts of dysfunction in my family and it makes me think things have always been bad; and I only noticed when I got older and started to feel depressed.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I have suffered from depression all my life, even as a child. There have been times when it was severe, mostly when I was a teen. When I became an adult, things got better. I got a dog that I love, met my husband, and built a business. I started to have some strange symptoms around 28, but shit really hit the fan at 32 when I was diagnosed with lupus and then had a minor injury that caused CRPS, which is one of the most painful conditions you can have. My life has been a living hell ever since. It's only been 2 years but it has felt like a lifetime.

 

[YukiFox]

I can resume my life with a cusine metaphor: tasteless.
As an autistic person I feel that I came to life "Late". Let me explain: I had struggles to find a job. I wasted time on church. I was easy influenced by people, rather than have my own personality. I regret not to find or search a job earlier on my life, looking for love, make my books earlier, a lot of things.
And yeah, I don't have serious struggles like drugs, alcoholism or another kind of addictions. Yes, but simply my brain it's a sloth, a little late among others. The cause it's a mid depression that I had since my 14 years old.
I'm kinda lost.
Sure, my life wasn't clueless or sad all the time. I had good moments. But I used to feel ashamed because I couldn't find a "legitimate" reason for my depression and, consequently, for my suicidal thoughts. I continue until I consider my life is unbearable and just take my final decision, period.

 

[lululoo]

Mine was always at least somewhat bad. Loneliness, depression, emotional abuse. Couldn't make the kind of bonds I needed to make up for the despair of my home life. Then at age 22 chronic pain hopped on the train and it's been a joy ride ever since. Worse and worse year after year physically and mentally. There were a few years in my late twenties that seemed better socially, but I was still declining physically and all hope was false hope.

 

[Taylor]

Mine was always at least somewhat bad. Loneliness, depression, emotional abuse. Couldn't make the kind of bonds I needed to make up for the despair of my home life. Then at age 22 chronic pain hopped on the train and it's been a joy ride ever since. Worse and worse year after year physically and mentally. There were a few years in my late twenties that seemed better socially, but I was still declining physically and all hope was false hope.

I had a similar fate, I was riddled with injury and began suffering from chronic pain at just 21, and it's been a steady decline from there. I absolutely hate it and honestly felt my whole life that I wasn't meant for it, and that's probably what would happen. I'd live my best life until some physical ailment would overtake any joy left in my life, and I'd cut it off right then and there.

 

[lululoo]

I had a similar fate, I was riddled with injury and began suffering from chronic pain at just 21, and it's been a steady decline from there. I absolutely hate it and honestly felt my whole life that I wasn't meant for it, and that's probably what would happen. I'd live my best life until some physical ailment would overtake any joy left in my life, and I'd cut it off right then and there.

I'm sorry you're in this hell too. Must be so hard to have had a good life and then have it stripped away. I never even had a good life and it is still so very hard to have lost my health.

 

[Taylor]

I'm sorry you're in this hell too. Must be so hard to have had a good life and then have it stripped away. I never even had a good life and it is still so very hard to have lost my health.

It was definitely hard to accept at first, and of course I never had a suicidal mindset before that, but now I've been thinking about it and rationalized it for so long that it's just the obvious choice to make now in my mind. It's like I lived my whole life just completely oblivious to the fact that I'd ever suffer or would die some day, and now that it's here it's just like damn, already? Alright, I guess this is it. We're all going to die, and I'm just accepting of that now. There's no way around it.

 

[RottenOdysseus]

Kind of both. I've always been mentally unwell in someway so I don't really have any "moments of peace" so to speak. But I can't deny that I got adopted into a very good spot in life so I feel silly complaining.

 

[ScarsAndStitches]

It was good until my health problems started to get worse, and other things that happened in my life.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I can't say it ever was terrible. I dunno why I so much wanna die. I'm a bit ashamed about that. I think I'm not the only one here.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Always terrible.

 

[Final Escape]

It was less complicated at one time but I would not say it was ever really good. I was always struggling with areas that are important for a meaningful sustainable life.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Been extremely bad since i was 13. But my yrs before that was great.
It amazes me how long its taking for me to successfully ctb. Shame.

 

[Pentobartbital]

In short, my life was like a prison cell: designed from the outset to be among the most depressingly minimal, unforgiving and life-draining containment fathomable. Peers and authority looking upon oneself with disdain or false pretenses. The very idea of freedom being a mockery intended to induce miserable compliance from which escape is that of a bedsheet tightly knotted and wound around one's neck or predetermined liquidation.

 

[kwalah]

I had a decent childhood, I'm lucky to have who I think is the (best) mum in the world. Things started to get bad after I turned 11/12 or so then got much worse after I fried my brain on a failed attempt when I was 15. Ten years later now and my brain still don't work right, messed up everything good I've ever had in my life and feel like I'll just poison and pollute everyone around me with this disease that has consumed my soul.

 

[EvilForProfit]

I had a decent childhood, I'm lucky to have who I think is the (best) mum in the world. Things started to get bad after I turned 11/12 or so then got much worse after I fried my brain on a failed attempt when I was 15. Ten years later now and my brain still don't work right, messed up everything good I've ever had in my life and feel like I'll just poison and pollute everyone around me with this disease that has consumed my soul.

Damn that is awful. I have fried a great portion of my brain with drugs, which part did you fry? I don't think mine will ever recover either so it's just torture every day thinking of everything I had and also everything I could be doing with my normal brain today...

 

[21Neberg]

I've really had a great youth offered to me with all the chances and things I could have ever wished for. It makes me feel so guilty towards my parents for being here.

 

[NumbItAll]

i graphed my happiness over time:

(for some reason image attachments aren't working so here is the link to the image: https://i.imgur.com/m7e97Nl.png)