Was supposed to CTB tonight - my plan fell apart.

[purrpetrator]

I was planning on CTB tonight, after I visited my friend. Now, I've been very open about my mental health issues with her - even told her I thought about suicide on a daily basis. I've visited a few times but.. it seems like this time she knew something was off? She can see through people so well that it's kinda scary. But I think I made it a little obvious, too. I think I said smth like "this is it"

Got hit with "I knew it, you wanted to actually go through with it. This was gonna be your last stop. I'm not letting you hurt yourself though."

So.. she PHYSICALLY wouldn't let me leave. She locked and bolted her door, and then had her ex guard it as well. My only other option was to jump out of the window, but we're on the third floor. I really wasn't trying to break my damn legs, so I just gave up for tonight. After being holed up for a few hours, she dragged me out to go golfing. I did have a little fun but honestly a huge part of me was really salty that my plan was thwarted. We went home after 2 hours.

As I'm writing this I'm still over at her house - being closely monitored. 4 AM. I'm so exhausted , I just want to die. Why won't people let me die. I adore her but I feel like a sick animal that people don't want to euthanize. I'm so tired. 🫩

Her and her ex are both asleep, I really could just order a ride and kill myself.. but it's so late now that all I want to do rn is sleep. Infuriating.

 

[Jadeith]

It's not a competition, it's not a race. If you feel that you need it and that's your final choice - you'll do it. Just later.
If you decide you want to stay, because of her or because of sth else - you'll stay. No judgement.
But or now i'd suggest you play along. You wouldn't want to agitate your friend. It might lead to your incarceration and your choice would be taken from you for a prolonged period of time..

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

She really cares about you. It's nice to have a friend like that. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

 

[Forveleth]

Better than a pysch ward, at least.

 

[witchcraft]

Better than a pysch ward, at least.

Good lord is this facts or what; my (admittedly very short) stay in the psych ward was incredibly traumatizing.

Not trying to invalidate OP's feelings or make them feel guilty, but I was imagining what it'd be like to have such a friend. Albeit, I changed some of the details in my mind, like the fact that her ex was with her...(????????)