Discussion Was I Wrong to Bother Trying?

[ShatteredQueen]

I have tried so hard to do the right thing, yet life keeps on battering me down. Now, it looks as if I may lose everything I worked so hard for... And all through no fault of my own.

After enduring sexual abuse when I was young, followed by not one but two abusive relationships, I was at my wit's end. I wasn't sure I could keep going, keep struggling forward, but I did anyway. Despite struggling with depression and autism, I fought, tooth and nail, to pull myself back up out of the soul-devouring darkness. I moved back home. I started grad school. I pushed myself hard, through hundreds of sleepless nights, and I managed to earn nearly all A's in my courses. (There was one B, which I still beat myself up about.) I did this while also working as a TA for the university and teaching undergrad classes. I planned to become a professor. I was starting to feel like I was actually getting somewhere... Like maybe, just maybe, there might be hope after all.

I've worked so hard, put everything I was into rebuilding my life. And now it is all going to be taken from me. My life is crumbling to pieces once again.

Someone has stolen my identity. I started getting phone calls from debt collectors about debts I never incurred. I filled out forms, tried desperately to figure out what to do. Tonight, I was served with legal papers. This is it, isn't it? I am going to end up in prison, which means I cannot be a college instructor now. I am only two classes--two damned classes--away from my Masters Degree. I was invited to join Honors societies, for fuck's sake--Me! A stupid autistic girl with the cards stacked against me! It doesn't matter. Everything I've worked so hard for is going to be snatched away. My new life? Gone. My self-respect? Gone. My future career? GONE. My life will be ruined, over, worthless.

I have tried so hard. I have struggled to do all the things you're supposed to do to build a decent life. But it doesn't matter. Everything is falling apart again despite my best efforts. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically, and I will be left with less than nothing to show for it. I will be left in an even worse position than before. All of my struggles have ended in misery and disaster.

I don't know why I tried. It was pointless. And so am I. I've run out of hope and out of options. There seems to be no path left open to me now except to catch the bus.

Is that what I was meant to do in the first place? Was I wrong to try to reconstruct my life into something better? Did continuing to live make me unforgivably selfish? Is that why I'm being punished this way?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds extremely stressful. I don't see how they can put you in prison though if this really is a case of stolen identitity. I think you need to act on this though- try to find legal representation or, advice on what to do in order to sort this out.

But no, it wasn't wrong to do your best and this may well not ruin everything. I suspect it just (rightly) feels overwhelming at the moment. I hope it's straight forward to sort out.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really is so cruel and terrible what happened, I'm sorry you have to suffer like that, it's so dreadful to me how existing really can get much more unbearable with people suffering so much all through no fault of their own. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Tonkpils]

Assuming you live in the US? You will not go to jail or prison for debt. They may try to sue you in court, but the worst thing that can happen is a judgement against you saying you owe the debt. They may also try to garnish your paycheck. First thing to do is contact all 3 major credit bureaus, Equifax, TransUnion and Experian and freeze your credit. Tell them you are a victim of identity theft and wish to dispute all fraudulent accounts. They will help you. There might be free local help with this if you Google it. I have experienced this and it is frightening at first. But there is a way out it just takes time and effort. I am also autistic and the worst part for me was having to talk to people and explain things. Write out what you want to say beforehand and any questions you have this really helps. Feel free to PM me if you need anything and best of luck getting it sorted!

 

[Final_Choice]

Can your university help you in some way? At least getting you connected to the right people that could assist you? They might have some care network that might be able to connect you or help you in some way. I'm really sorry that happened, I'd be absolutely destroyed if that happened to me after trying so hard and actually succeeding. I really hope it works out for you.

 

[ShatteredQueen]

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds extremely stressful. I don't see how they can put you in prison though if this really is a case of stolen identitity. I think you need to act on this though- try to find legal representation or, advice on what to do in order to sort this out.

But no, it wasn't wrong to do your best and this may well not ruin everything. I suspect it just (rightly) feels overwhelming at the moment. I hope it's straight forward to sort out.

Thank you. I think I needed to hear that, and it means a great deal to me.

Can your university help you in some way? At least getting you connected to the right people that could assist you? They might have some care network that might be able to connect you or help you in some way. I'm really sorry that happened, I'd be absolutely destroyed if that happened to me after trying so hard and actually succeeding. I really hope it works out for you.

I'm not sure, but I did find someone I could reach out to for advice. I'm still stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and depressed, but at least I have some sort of plan in place now. I simply wonder whether pushing through yet again will even matter. But it's that or clock out of life, so I guess I have to try first.

That really is so cruel and terrible what happened, I'm sorry you have to suffer like that, it's so dreadful to me how existing really can get much more unbearable with people suffering so much all through no fault of their own. But anyway best wishes.

Thank you for the good wishes.

Assuming you live in the US? You will not go to jail or prison for debt. They may try to sue you in court, but the worst thing that can happen is a judgement against you saying you owe the debt. They may also try to garnish your paycheck. First thing to do is contact all 3 major credit bureaus, Equifax, TransUnion and Experian and freeze your credit. Tell them you are a victim of identity theft and wish to dispute all fraudulent accounts. They will help you. There might be free local help with this if you Google it. I have experienced this and it is frightening at first. But there is a way out it just takes time and effort. I am also autistic and the worst part for me was having to talk to people and explain things. Write out what you want to say beforehand and any questions you have this really helps. Feel free to PM me if you need anything and best of luck getting it sorted!

Thank you so much foe this advice. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me. It makes me feel like maybe I have one more fight left in me after all.

 

[landslide2]

That is horrible to endure. We live in an age where our data is regularly bought and sold even by banks and credit card companies and who knows who has it and how secure they kept it. Recent National Data breach possibly exposed all US social security numbers and identifiable information. I don't understand how people aren't more angry about this casual buying and selling and scraping of our data. The lack of privacy from tech adds to this. We're at a point where everyone should just freeze their credit as the default.

I have heard stories of people who fell victim to identity theft and eventually would obtain legal documents proving they were victims of identity theft. I am not sure of the process but you will have to take legal action and clear your name. It can be done, some starting points here.