Was I born to commit suicide?

[tercermundista]

Was I born to lose? If life were a video game, it would be like put someone who's never played a game play Jump King Quest. How could someone born without skill or willpower win? This was destined to end badly from the start.

Does anyone else think their own life was going to end like this?

 

[ChinUp]

I really never thought my life would come to this point of wanting to ctb but here I am.

 

[vira]

Was I born to lose? If life were a video game, it would be like put someone who's never played a game play Jump King Quest. How could someone born without skill or willpower win? This was destined to end badly from the start.

Does anyone else think their own life was going to end like this?

ive always wanted it even if previously i couldn't place my finger on why. now im aware, and i don't think there was anything that could stop the path ive come down. it is what it is, and personally im comfortable with choosing how and when to go. but yes, im really not surprised by where ive ended up. im sure little me would be reeling with excitement knowing i finally have options on where, when, and how to kill myself.

 

[tercermundista]

I really never thought my life would come to this point of wanting to ctb but here I am.

When I was younger, I didn't think so either, but now, thinking about it from this perspective and with more experience, I realize that everything was wrong from the beginning and that I didn't realize it because I was very young and naive.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'm certainly only meant to cease existing and to never suffer in this dreadful, futile and torturous existence ever again is just all I wish for, existence just feels like a mistake to me and I never should had been burdened with this existence at all, simply just existing is enough to make me wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep.

 

[dhk96]

I live by "ignorance is bliss" now because I can't stay sane otherwise. But as a kid, I was too hyperaware of my perceived reality. My emotions and thoughts were so suffocating that I romanticized nihilism and death and ended up killing off any developmental potential I had mentally/socially.

If I wasn't born to lose, then I willed myself into that state while being aware of what was to come and being unable to stop it. It's not like I had bad 'starting stats' or a bad 'starting point' but I must've cast a hidden curse/debuff on myself And being too stuck in my ways, I never thought I could dispel it.

I didn't want to change and I didn't want others to change so I just lived in fear and anger everyday. On days where I tried to have some hope, I wanted to become someone who wanted to change or someone who wanted to live but that's much different from wanting to change or live in itself. Now I can't even pretend that I want to change/live or that I want to become someone who wants that for themselves. I would have to be an entirely different person instead.

The only thing that grew up was my physical body, and as an adult that stayed stuck in her childhood by denying reality, I'm simply ignorant and dumb now. The "precocious" child hit the ceiling of "how far can they effectively half-ass their life without their life-long internal breakdown having real-world consequences" long ago.

 

[Off_Switch]

Our parents were supposed to be Game Genies, providing us with the game cheat codes.

 

[TBONTB]

I really never thought my life would come to this point of wanting to ctb but here I am.

Yes.

 

[trianglesplayhouse]

Well I mainly just think that this world is too broken to accommodate someone like me, or for me to be able to survive in it. The kind of care and resources I would need to live a life where I don't want to kill myself would be incredibly hard to get from where I am now, barely functional. It would be much better for me to spend my remaining mental and physical resources figuring out a way to commit at least somewhat peacefully.

 

[tercermundista]

Our parents were supposed to be Game Genies, providing us with the game cheat codes.

Well...my parents are good-for-nothing morons.