Warning: Dark Humour within Regarding Methods

[Stan]

If you have a complete sense of humour failure, exit now.

Been noticing some off the beaten path requests for information regarding methods not commonly discussed in the form.. I appreciate it maybe a lack of funds, capability of getting certain items or other reasons but it does lead me at times to think that some people who come on think this forum is staffed by people with certifications in human fatality.

So here is my first obscure request for information:

Hi to all stationers and office equipment suppliers. How many paper cuts do you think it will take for me to die? I have access to one ream of A4 sized printer paper and some blank photographic paper of a smaller size.

 

[Final Escape]

I love dark humor lol!

 

[Stan]

please feel free to add your own :-)

 

[woxihuanni]

I am planning to get crushed by puppies, how many puppies do I need? (golden r.)

 

[Stan]

dear librarians, how long does a book need to be overdue before capital punishment kicks in?

 

[RedAlert]

Dear zoo, can i borrow your seals to smother myself with?

 

[woxihuanni]

Dear zoo, can i borrow your seals to smother myself with?

Ahah, seals of course.

 

[Stan]

Dear environmentalists, I would like to go by electrocution but want to leave a carbon neutral footprint, what do you suggest?

 

[woxihuanni]

Dear environmentalists, I would like to go by electrocution but want to leave a carbon neutral footprint, what do you suggest?

OK, I want to be chased down a cliff by some naked ladies. What should be their hair colour?

 

[Stan]

Dear vegans, is there a tofu or soya based method?

 

[RedAlert]

Dear Doctor Lipperton, if i pull my lower lip over my head, will that inhibit my breathing?


How many orange things do i have to show woxihuanni on the month of August before that user eventually loses it and commits mortal violence against me? (Inside joke)

 

[Stan]

Dear cosmologists and quantum physicists. How can I make sure my method will be successful in all of the multiverse?

 

[RedAlert]

Dear cosmologists and quantum physicists. How can I make sure my method will be successful in all of the multiverse?

Proceed with caution Stan

 

[SinisterKid]

If I drop a ton of feathers on myself, will I be crushed or tickled to death?

 

[Stan]

My method is by changing lightbulbs, how many people will I need?

 

[woxihuanni]

Aha, I see your tricks @RedAlert, you're just too lazy to ctb yourself.

...One fucking shirt is enough.

 

[Sargasm]

Looking to hire: Solipsist to remove me from existence by not being a part of their known reality.

Looking for someone real to do this. Serious inquiries only.

 

[BPD_LE]

My method is crossing the road. Does anyone know if the chicken really got to the other side?

 

[Stan]

I have created the world's first time machine and want to create a paradox so that I don't exist. What scientifically proven movie script do I use to achieve this?
1. The Terminator
2. Looper
3. Back to the Future

 

[Sargasm]

I have created the world's first time machine and want to create a paradox so that I don't exist. What scientifically proven movie script do I use to achieve this?
1. The Terminator
2. Looper
3. Back to the Future

Hot Tub Time Machine

 

[Stan]

I was thinking of dying by watching T. What's the right amount of boxsets I need and what's the best streamer?

 

[Sargasm]

what's the best streamer?

/Sarcasm but low-key serious
Pirate Bay
/Sarcasm but low-key serious

 

[RedAlert]

Pilot: *Turns on the planes P.A system* Good evening folks this is your captain speaking, I hope you are all enjoying the flight. We will be over the United Kingdom at an altitu-
Me: *Enters cockpit* Oh cool! I've never been in a cockpit of a plane before!
Pilot : Um excuse me, what are you doing here?
Me: Oh don't worry captain you can trust me, I used to work at Disney land, see my Micky mouse hat? *Begins to laugh with crazy googly eyes*
Pilot: I think you need to leave and go back to you-
Me: What does this button do? *pushes it*
Pilot: No! That's the fuel ejection button you wonky little tart!

Stan: *Outside his house eating fish N' chips* MMM, i sure am gonna' miss these fishNchips when i go. *See's a plane coming down straight towards him*... Bloody ell'... *Dazziling ball of flame*

 

[Rachel74]

Loved this thread!

 

[Stan]

I'm a president of a rather large country. How many mistakes do I need to make before I can end my political life?

 

[Mort]

I want to die so i walk into a mosque eating a bacon sandwich. ;) : D

 

[Sargasm]

I want to die by walking into a squirrel farm with a bag of nuts shoved down my pants. Just need to find more nuts. I have two so far.

 

[woxihuanni]

kjnjkn

I want want to die by walking into a squirrel farm with a bag of nuts shoved down my pants. Just need to find more nuts. I have two so far.

Ouch!

 

[BPD_LE]

My plan is to cover myself in leaves and roots and let wild pigs eat me. I realise I'll have to sit and wait for them to find me. Do you think I'll be boared to death?

 

[Stan]

Dear Disney, I just watched the cartoon Peter Pan. I saw the scene where if someone says they do not believe in fairies, one dies. Will it work it I get a load of people to say "I don't believe in Stan"? How many people will it take?