Ware my parents abusive?

[suncide10]

I don't really know the definition of abuse or neglect so I want you to read my text below and give me your opinion.

So I've always felt very little to no connection between us and especially my dad. My dad prefers to have minimum interactions with us, it's like living with a stranger. I've never called him Dad, I've always called him by his name, he just doesn't care. And his relationship with my mom is one of the reasons I hate him. I can't remember a single moment where he'd say or do something nice to her, he never wished us a happy birthday and if he did he'd sound like someone forced him to say that, he's a very cold-hearted person.
He treats my mom like she's nothing but wants her to respect him. What I hate the most is that I used to think it's okay to be like him and eventually started treating my mom accordingly. I just don't feel like they are my parents.
And because we live in a rural area, we have animals and a garden and they were always giving me some work and I couldn't resist so instead of going out with friends I had to work, and they didn't care.
There was a time when my parents had an argument and decided to seperate so my mom and I had to move to my grandma's house, during that period my dad found a new girl and lived with her for a while. I don't remember how long it was hapenning but eventually my parents reunited because that new girl was a bitch and my mom depends on him because she can't really work because of her poor health. I never trust to tell about my life to my parents because I'm scared if their reaction what if they judge me, it usually feels talking to the wall tho. And I forgot to mention that when my lil brother was born I had become a full time babysitter for him, I had to spend hours with him every day instead of doing what I want, then I had to take him to school and kindergarten and back home everyday because my parents didn't want to and would be mad if I refused. I just feel like I'm only needed to work for them. Then when I was being bullied in school I had to keep it a secret because I was scared to tell my parents, I'm a very very shy but that experience in school broke me down completely, it was the first time I've felt suicidal, but it's another story.

What do you think? Because I hate to believe I was abused and neglected but I want to know the truth and I want someone other than me to know this.

 

[meowpuppy]

i relate to you a lot.. i think it's hard for me to understand that my parents generally didn't do a good job raising me, whether or not they were abusive or all that neglectful, because well, i only got hit a couple times, and my mom still kisses my forehead sometimes, so that's gotta count for something, right?

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

So, you didn't have the best parents, but they hardly sound like the worst. It can be easy to forget that in previous generations, and current ones in many cultures, putting kids to work on the family farm or caring for siblings is/was considered the norm. Your parents may have been somewhat emotionally neglectful, but nothing in your post suggests there was significant neglect, and certainly not abuse. But you actually know that already.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

So, you didn't have the best parents, but they hardly sound like the worst. It can be easy to forget that in previous generations, and current ones in many cultures, putting kids to work on the family farm or caring for siblings is/was considered the norm. Your parents may have been somewhat emotionally neglectful, but nothing in your post suggests there was significant neglect, and certainly not abuse. But you actually know that already.

I disagree with you completely. Parents who bring kids into the world for the sole purpose of exploiting them and using them as work slaves are just plain garbage. They're abusive, simple as that, whether you want to call their garbage behavior the norm or not.

 

[Set Real Goul]

This is very relatable. I also grew up in a village, and some of my acquaintances could be made to kneel on buckwheat, be beaten with a belt, and still be given a ton of homework.
Your parents may not have been physically cruel, but that doesn't mean they didn't emotionally neglect you or that they weren't psychologically abusive. In my family, there wasn't as much physical violence, but there was a huge amount of psychological abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting.
I relate to you when you write about how your father treated your mother like she was nothing and had affairs. I can understand you in terms of being shy and experiencing bullying. I hope you'll be okay. Because it's horrible to go through something like that.

 

[suncide10]

So, you didn't have the best parents, but they hardly sound like the worst. It can be easy to forget that in previous generations, and current ones in many cultures, putting kids to work on the family farm or caring for siblings is/was considered the norm. Your parents may have been somewhat emotionally neglectful, but nothing in your post suggests there was significant neglect, and certainly not abuse. But you actually know that already.

I understand that it's normal for children to help their parents but it's not normal if they make them feel guilty because they'd rather spend time socializing or doing something they want.

So, you didn't have the best parents, but they hardly sound like the worst. It can be easy to forget that in previous generations, and current ones in many cultures, putting kids to work on the family farm or caring for siblings is/was considered the norm. Your parents may have been somewhat emotionally neglectful, but nothing in your post suggests there was significant neglect, and certainly not abuse. But you actually know that already.

I don't think they are the worst but definitely not good either.

This is very relatable. I also grew up in a village, and some of my acquaintances could be made to kneel on buckwheat, be beaten with a belt, and still be given a ton of homework.
Your parents may not have been physically cruel, but that doesn't mean they didn't emotionally neglect you or that they weren't psychologically abusive. In my family, there wasn't as much physical violence, but there was a huge amount of psychological abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting.
I relate to you when you write about how your father treated your mother like she was nothing and had affairs. I can understand you in terms of being shy and experiencing bullying. I hope you'll be okay. Because it's horrible to go through something like that.

Thank you for your kind words.