Discussion wanting to run away just to feel something

[juneisdoomed]

for a while now, i've been considering running away from home and wandering around aimlessly in the wilderness just to experience a feeling of euphoria. the constant cycle that i'm trapped in is driving me insane. i don't care if i get mauled by an angry black bear or attacked by a pack of wild coyotes or if i starve to death, i just want to feel something. something different than what i've been feeling for years now.

it would be exhilarating. ideally, something - whether it be starvation, dehydration, or some other danger - would take me out and i'd never be found. i'd disappear without a trace. but that's not gonna happen, not in the modern day.

i live surrounded by infinite wilderness. miles and miles of nature that the average person may never have the chance to explore. it would be nice to go out encapsulated by the one thing that's been kind to me for my entire life. even if i were to be found, it would still be a risky, endearing experience.

maybe i'm just a total nutjob. i just want to break the cycle somehow. this stupid idea may just do it.

 

[JustBe]

I'll follow you

 

[NotSoEnchanted]

As an avid outdoors-person, I really wouldn't recommend this. Instead I suggest doing just a bit of research/prep, and going on a backpacking trip or long day hike instead. There's ways to feel euphoric in the woods and break free from feeling trapped, without having it all come crashing down. Wandering aimlessly in the woods is setting you up to have a very miserable time once reality sets in, and if you get lost, you'll likely suffer from dehydration and starvation. If it's still cold at night where you're at, you're going to have a really hard time with that too. I don't want that for you, so please give it a little bit of thought and be safe. This is not the way you would want to go out, I promise. You can absolutely still tap into the desire to take risks and be excited while being safe and having a proper plan/preparations.

It's also worth noting that the chances of you getting mauled/attacked by anything are very slim. Black bears tend to be very timid, and usually will only behave defensively if you get in between them and their young. It's way more likely you'll spook the bear long before you see them. As for coyotes, they're way more scared of you, especially in large green spaces where they're not habituated to humans. They will not attack you, rather also run and maybe escort you out of their territory if you get close to their home.

To really put this into perspective, I hike pretty much daily in both the day time and night in both mountain lion, black bear, and coyote territory, and have never been harmed. I've also passed out drunk on top of a mesa in the night twice now, completely exposed and in prime big cat territory, and have come out unscathed. Yes wildlife attacks do happen, but they truly are so unlikely in the grand scheme of things.

Now as for a personal anecdote, when I was like 13, I ran away from home and out into the woods. It was exactly as you imagine at first, exhilarating and so freeing. I was on top of the world, until it all came crashing down. I was very uncomfortable sleeping with only a blanket and a tarp to cover me, didn't pack proper food or enough water so was feeling sick, and got ate alive by mosquitoes. When I awoke the next morning, I tried to find my way back but got lost and panicked. I spent hours miserably wondering around the woods, crying and regretting my choice. I was so thirsty, I became delirious. Thankfully as the sun was setting, I finally hit a dirt road and stumbled upon a house in the woods. They gave me water, fed me, and called the cops to bring me to the hospital. This could have ended a lot differently, and I'm so glad it didn't.

I really hope you're able to find an activity, like day hiking or back packing, that fills the need to take risks, be excited, and be out in nature, safely. I don't want you to suffer, and that's unfortunately what will happen if you choose to go out into the wilderness ill prepared and get lost.

 

[juneisdoomed]

As an avid outdoors-person, I really wouldn't recommend this. Instead I suggest doing just a bit of research/prep, and going on a backpacking trip or long day hike instead. There's ways to feel euphoric in the woods and break free from feeling trapped, without having it all come crashing down. Wandering aimlessly in the woods is setting you up to have a very miserable time once reality sets in, and if you get lost, you'll likely suffer from dehydration and starvation. If it's still cold at night where you're at, you're going to have a really hard time with that too. I don't want that for you, so please give it a little bit of thought and be safe. This is not the way you would want to go out, I promise. You can absolutely still tap into the desire to take risks and be excited while being safe and having a proper plan/preparations.

It's also worth noting that the chances of you getting mauled/attacked by anything are very slim. Black bears tend to be very timid, and usually will only behave defensively if you get in between them and their young. It's way more likely you'll spook the bear long before you see them. As for coyotes, they're way more scared of you, especially in large green spaces where they're not habituated to humans. They will not attack you, rather also run and maybe escort you out of their territory if you get close to their home.

To really put this into perspective, I hike pretty much daily in both the day time and night in both mountain lion, black bear, and coyote territory, and have never been harmed. I've also passed out drunk on top of a mesa in the night twice now, completely exposed and in prime big cat territory, and have come out unscathed. Yes wildlife attacks do happen, but they truly are so unlikely in the grand scheme of things.

Now as for a personal anecdote, when I was like 13, I ran away from home and out into the woods. It was exactly as you imagine at first, exhilarating and so freeing. I was on top of the world, until it all came crashing down. I was very uncomfortable sleeping with only a blanket and a tarp to cover me, didn't pack proper food or enough water so was feeling sick, and got ate alive by mosquitoes. When I awoke the next morning, I tried to find my way back but got lost and panicked. I spent hours miserably wondering around the woods, crying and regretting my choice. I was so thirsty, I became delirious. Thankfully as the sun was setting, I finally hit a dirt road and stumbled upon a house in the woods. They gave me water, fed me, and called the cops to bring me to the hospital. This could have ended a lot differently, and I'm so glad it didn't.

I really hope you're able to find an activity, like day hiking or back packing, that fills the need to take risks, be excited, and be out in nature, safely. I don't want you to suffer, and that's unfortunately what will happen if you choose to go out into the wilderness ill prepared and get lost.

i think you may have misunderstood what i meant. i want to go unprepared. i want to run all the risks possible. suffering is the least of my concerns when i'm already suicidal. i really do appreciate the advice, and i appreciate that you care for me, but a peaceful day trip isn't exactly what i'm looking for. i want to do something reckless and stupid just to feel something. i understand that it will not be pleasant. i understand that i will regret it more than anything afterwards. that's exactly why i want to do it.

i too spend lots of my time outdoors. i would say that the majority of my free time is spent frolicking in the woods or going on long outdoor hikes. but that doesn't make me feel anything anymore. i really, really want to do something extreme.

 

[NotSoEnchanted]

i think you may have misunderstood what i meant. i want to go unprepared. i want to run all the risks possible. suffering is the least of my concerns when i'm already suicidal. i really do appreciate the advice, and i appreciate that you care for me, but a peaceful day trip isn't exactly what i'm looking for. i want to do something reckless and stupid just to feel something. i understand that it will not be pleasant. i understand that i will regret it more than anything afterwards. that's exactly why i want to do it.

i too spend lots of my time outdoors. i would say that the majority of my free time is spent frolicking in the woods or going on long outdoor hikes. but that doesn't make me feel anything anymore. i really, really want to do something extreme.

You may feel this way now, from the comfort and safety of your own home, but trust me, when you're actually out there experiencing the consequences of your actions, and dehydration and starvation slowly creeps in, you'll want out and you will not want to suffer any longer. Survival instincts are particularly primal in scenarios like this, I really think you're underestimating that aspect too. At the end of the day it's your choice if you want to engage in this elaborate and resource intensive form of self-harm, but for your sake and the sake of SAR, I really hope you refrain from doing so.