Venting wanting to cbt because of my parents

[SickandTiredMimikyu]

im...struggling to find a job and my parents aren't helping me, mentally that is. Sure, im gonna turn 24 soon (in 5 days actually wooo) and they said they're going to help me find a job but all they do is belittle me and make me do stupid errands for them, therefore making me not able to find a job.

Multiple times I told them that I want to die and one time my dad said that he would help me but yk. that never came to fruition. This was the Before Times (pre 2020).

I once told them if they cut off my access to the internet then i would ctb and they...threatened to hospitalize me. twice actually. And well. they did that to my newer laptop and they found out about my older laptop (the one im typing on rn) and im like 'they're gona cut off the internet to this one huh'. They want me to find a job and to 'go out' but they never realized that times have changed and that stuff is moved online. They said that they want to help me but all they do is just constantly insult me. They wonder why I lost all motivation to live when it's their fucking fault for doing so.

well. whatever. i guess im making that threat come true. when i die after my birthday (at least a day or two after idk), ill make sure that i tell them 'i told you so' in my final letter. im actually gonna make them celebrate my death publicly since they're so two faced that they cover up my pain. My dad said that he doesn't want me to die bc he doesn't want to 'blame himself' and 'be part of the problem'. MOTHERFUCKER YOURE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

whatever. I'm going to kms by any means necessary and blame it on my parents. Im sparing my little sister from this but I'm not going to spare my younger brother from this because fuck him for not standing up for me when I was younger. Fuck my parents for making me want to die since i was in high school. fuck EVERYTHING. im TIRED.

and yes while i might have some form of internet addiction, I actually do need it to communicate with friends. To some people killing myself over not having wifi might be stupid but also keep in mind that is just the tip of the iceberg that includes my parents insulting me, threatening to kick me out of the house and spread rumors, my mom forcing me to cover up the abuse the ONE time i spoke out, etc etc etc. none of this was physical, this was all emotional. im tired. i want out of this shitty life. I want to live to see Ultraman Blazar (coming out in July 7th/8th (?)) but I want to die. I Want to die. I want to die and I want everyone to know that it was my parents' fault that they pushed me into ctb. I want my parents to feel fucking pain and guilt every single day when I die. I want my parents' social status to plummet into oblivion. I want my parents to have a successful life but knowing that they failed their eldest child and it's THEIR FAULT that they did shit about it. like I said im sparing my little sister despite the fact that she's constantly rude to me (to be fair she's like...turning 11 this year. can't really fault her). my YOUNGER BROTHER, ON THE OTHER HAND I STILL HAVENT FORGIVEN HIM FOR THE SHIT HE DID WHEN I WAS YOUNGER--

yeah lol sorry just wanted to vent before i ctb soon. still trying to figure out how to get eepy before i drown. no need to reply, just hoped someone listened.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so awful and tiring having to put up with people like that, it's horrible how humans just create more suffering and make existing much worse. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[kwho]

Your parents clearly failed you. That much is obvious. Sad.

 

[Death is my goal]

are they obligated to help you find a job tho? and of course they gonna threaten to hospitalize you if you're threatening them to ctb like what did you expect. I'm not saying they didn't do anything wrong they clearly did. insulting you just makes thing worse they should never do that.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

im...struggling to find a job and my parents aren't helping me, mentally that is. Sure, im gonna turn 24 soon (in 5 days actually wooo) and they said they're going to help me find a job but all they do is belittle me and make me do stupid errands for them, therefore making me not able to find a job.

Multiple times I told them that I want to die and one time my dad said that he would help me but yk. that never came to fruition. This was the Before Times (pre 2020).

I once told them if they cut off my access to the internet then i would ctb and they...threatened to hospitalize me. twice actually. And well. they did that to my newer laptop and they found out about my older laptop (the one im typing on rn) and im like 'they're gona cut off the internet to this one huh'. They want me to find a job and to 'go out' but they never realized that times have changed and that stuff is moved online. They said that they want to help me but all they do is just constantly insult me. They wonder why I lost all motivation to live when it's their fucking fault for doing so.

well. whatever. i guess im making that threat come true. when i die after my birthday (at least a day or two after idk), ill make sure that i tell them 'i told you so' in my final letter. im actually gonna make them celebrate my death publicly since they're so two faced that they cover up my pain. My dad said that he doesn't want me to die bc he doesn't want to 'blame himself' and 'be part of the problem'. MOTHERFUCKER YOURE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

whatever. I'm going to kms by any means necessary and blame it on my parents. Im sparing my little sister from this but I'm not going to spare my younger brother from this because fuck him for not standing up for me when I was younger. Fuck my parents for making me want to die since i was in high school. fuck EVERYTHING. im TIRED.

and yes while i might have some form of internet addiction, I actually do need it to communicate with friends. To some people killing myself over not having wifi might be stupid but also keep in mind that is just the tip of the iceberg that includes my parents insulting me, threatening to kick me out of the house and spread rumors, my mom forcing me to cover up the abuse the ONE time i spoke out, etc etc etc. none of this was physical, this was all emotional. im tired. i want out of this shitty life. I want to live to see Ultraman Blazar (coming out in July 7th/8th (?)) but I want to die. I Want to die. I want to die and I want everyone to know that it was my parents' fault that they pushed me into ctb. I want my parents to feel fucking pain and guilt every single day when I die. I want my parents' social status to plummet into oblivion. I want my parents to have a successful life but knowing that they failed their eldest child and it's THEIR FAULT that they did shit about it. like I said im sparing my little sister despite the fact that she's constantly rude to me (to be fair she's like...turning 11 this year. can't really fault her). my YOUNGER BROTHER, ON THE OTHER HAND I STILL HAVENT FORGIVEN HIM FOR THE SHIT HE DID WHEN I WAS YOUNGER--

yeah lol sorry just wanted to vent before i ctb soon. still trying to figure out how to get eepy before i drown. no need to reply, just hoped someone listened.

I'm sorry you've been struggling so much. If you do find a job, it sounds like getting out into your own place and having space from all of them would be much better for you. If you are keen to find a job, usually there is some type of local program that can assist you in finding something if your parents won't help. Worth looking into.

As long as you are still around, down to talk if you like. I know firsthand how much orse it is struggling alone. So feel free to message any time. Like the username and profile pic btw, Mimikyu is great, I'm a big fan of that series.