Had to end the pain today. Been in mental torture for 18 months. Wrote note and set off to remote location in woods with rope. Found secluded spot with two milk crates nearby which was perfect to use as a step. Spent an hour thinking about memories and crying. Rain was coming down hard. Got rope round good tree branch with noose ready. Stepped up and put noose around neck. Cried more, thought more, waited. so wanted to end things but just couldn't take the step. It's so hard.
JJMaynard97
JJ’s Dead Inside, Time to Say Bye Bye!!
- Mar 17, 2023
- 100
Thats hard to hear, Respect for confiding & sharing your feelings/experience. I've had a day like that. It's almost like you can only see darknes and everything around you falls out of focus. I've cried many times over the field. And in a part of a woods. It's the worse feeling. Hope you find some sort of healing. There's always people on here who are willing to listen.
witheringDreams
Member
- Mar 21, 2023
- 14
If you feel comfortable sharing, I would like to know why you cried because I don't seem to be able to anymore and I'm interested.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 38,967
Hanging certainly sounds like a difficult method to succeed with, and it makes it sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear of all those people managing to succeed with it. I envy and admire the courage of those people, they were brave as the hanging method terrifies me. But I hate how hard it is for us to finally die, we should all be able to easily be free from this hellish world at a time of our own choosing and it sounds like a really awful experience what you went through. There certainly is no relief from suffering in this world but anyway I wish you the best.
Sure, crying over memories of happy times being happy and living normal life. Thinking of good times with those I love. Now I'm permanently depressed and feel brain damaged. A life lost that I once loved.
Getting over that last step to hang yourself must be incredibly hard, there's no shame in failing.
This just wasn't your time.
This just wasn't your time.
Thanks, yes it scary. That's how it felt. Vision closed in, almost in a trance.Thats hard to hear, Respect for confiding & sharing your feelings/experience. I've had a day like that. It's almost like you can only see darknes and everything around you falls out of focus. I've cried many times over the field. And in a part of a woods. It's the worse feeling. Hope you find some sort of healing. There's always people on here who are willing to listen.
It was perfect, almost too perfect. The right sort of tree in a clearing with two milk crates next to it. Not only heavy rain but thunder and lightening too. I actually left the rope set up in case I decide to return.
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JJMaynard97
JJ’s Dead Inside, Time to Say Bye Bye!!
- Mar 17, 2023
- 100
I understand it's like the only thing that's present is the thought of ending it all, your Surroundings become a blur.
LateForTheBus
Experienced
- Feb 7, 2023
- 228
There's no shame in not going through with it. It just wasn't the right time. We're here for you. (Hugs)
