I want to cease existing, as only eternal sleep is desirable. It comforts me the thought of being unable to suffer in this existence, suicide is self care as it's the prevention of suffering and I will always see it as preferable to not exist.
It fills me with dread the thought of being trapped here for decades on end, suffering in this torturous and futile process of decaying from age.
Existence is a curse, I'd always prefer to be at peace, there is no value in prolonging consciousness, it just leads to pain, I only envy those who are peacefully unaware and cannot suffer from anything, only the non-existent are fortunate.