Walked up to the train tracks

[mrtime87]

Holy shit I was prepared to put my head under a moving train.

SI kicked in and the feeling of having my neck and arms crushed by the moving train felt real.

I couldn't do it.

I fucked up and am responsible for my problems, but Christ I cannot live with what I've done to my health.

I wish I weren't so stupid.

 

[CantDoIt]

Holy shit I was prepared to put my head under a moving train.

SI kicked in and the feeling of having my neck and arms crushed by the moving train felt real.

I couldn't do it.

I fucked up and am responsible for my problems, but Christ I cannot live with what I've done to my health.

I wish I weren't so stupid.

Hey, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.
This type of ctb is known to cause a heightened SI in comparison to other methods. Although I can't suggest methods, maybe you should decide on something less "dramatic."

 

[mrtime87]

It's not even about being dramatic, but rather I'm out of options.

I tried an exit bag with argon that didn't work which left me completely blindsided. I've tried partial hangings, self stabbing and even overdosing on Tylenol pms but nothing works.

My health is deteriorating and its getting to the point I'm worried I'll die in the winter from hypothermia.

Dying doesn't bother me but the cold is unbearable, and i'm afraid of frostbite.

I just want out of my hell I've created. We reap what we sow but God I was not prepared for how bad my life could get.

Pride is my cross I bear and arrogance is my downfall, this I acknowledge. But I can't live with the suffering of having an illness that could have been prevented.

 

[CantDoIt]

It's not even about being dramatic, but rather I'm out of options.

I tried an exit bag with argon that didn't work which left me completely blindsided. I've tried partial hangings, self stabbing and even overdosing on Tylenol pms but nothing works.

My health is deteriorating and its getting to the point I'm worried I'll die in the winter from hypothermia.

Dying doesn't bother me but the cold is unbearable, and i'm afraid of frostbite.

I just want out of my hell I've created. We reap what we sow but God I was not prepared for how bad my life could get.

Pride is my cross I bear and arrogance is my downfall, this I acknowledge. But I can't live with the suffering of having an illness that could have been prevented.

Hey, I get you. Everything I did to get where I am (In a terrible place) I needlessly did to myself. I would do anything to just redo my current life and not be an idiot throughout its entirety. I'm so sorry to hear about your health. When we do things like that that we can't take back, it can be unbearably painful.

It seems like you've actually done a lot of research on the topic already and you're struggling...I'm so sorry that you're going through that, I hope you find your peaceful exit soon. Train was also one of the 1st methods I came up with until I found this place and realized it was pretty low on the tier list.

 

[mrtime87]

Hey, I get you. Everything I did to get where I am (In a terrible place) I needlessly did to myself. I would do anything to just redo my current life and not be an idiot throughout its entirety. I'm so sorry to hear about your health. When we do things like that that we can't take back, it can be unbearably painful.

It seems like you've actually done a lot of research on the topic already and you're struggling...I'm so sorry that you're going through that, I hope you find your peaceful exit soon. Train was also one of the 1st methods I came up with until I found this place and realized it was pretty low on the tier list.

Yeah. Inert gas is honestly very doable, but I don't live alone and I don't have a car to buy a canister of nitrogen.

I ordered argon online but suspect it wasn't pure because I has it delivered to my moms trailer. The seller probably caught on and mixed it with CO2.

I didn't test the purity but I can say that overcoming SI with an inert gas is very doable. Afterwards I threw up but even while failing I was able to get the bag over my head and take a few breaths.

This is the method I would recommend without being able to get nembutal or even sodium nitrite.

I'm just not sure I can get a second chance but if I could I would use helium next time. Like I said I was nervous but as far as putting the bag over my head, no problem.

Disposing of the canister is a real pain too if the method fails.

 

[CantDoIt]

Yeah. Inert gas is honestly very doable, but I don't live alone and I don't have a car to buy a canister of nitrogen.

I ordered argon online but suspect it wasn't pure because I has it delivered to my moms trailer. The seller probably caught on and mixed it with CO2.

I didn't test the purity but I can say that overcoming SI with an inert gas is very doable. Afterwards I threw up but even while failing I was able to get the bag over my head and take a few breaths.

This is the method I would recommend without being able to get nembutal or even sodium nitrite.

I'm just not sure I can get a second chance but if I could I would use helium next time. Like I said I was nervous but as far as putting the bag over my head, no problem.

Disposing of the canister is a real pain too if the method fails.

I honestly love the idea of inert gas but from my understanding the tanks you need are enormous. It's expensive and insanely non-discreet. So I'm going with SN for now. I have no idea how SI will be for that one yet but we'll see! I hope you get another chance at an attempt if that's what you're looking for.

 

[mrtime87]

I honestly love the idea of inert gas but from my understanding the tanks you need are enormous. It's expensive and insanely non-discreet. So I'm going with SN for now. I have no idea how SI will be for that one yet but we'll see! I hope you get another chance at an attempt if that's what you're looking for.

Have you been able to obtain SN yet?

I've never found a source in America and am not sure I would be able to secure the anti emetics.

 

[CantDoIt]

Have you been able to obtain SN yet?

I've never found a source in America and am not sure I would be able to secure the anti emetics.

I'm actually not in the US and it's possibly easier to get where I am!

 

[mrtime87]

I'm actually not in the US and it's possibly easier to get where I am!

Jealous. Nembutal obviously would be my way to go. Just pass out and never wake up.

 

[CantDoIt]

Jealous. Nembutal obviously would be my way to go. Just pass out and never wake up.

Same! I just missed that guy you could supposedly DM here to buy some from.

 

[mrtime87]

Same! I just missed that guy you could supposedly DM here to buy some from.

I never heard of that but doubt it would make it across the border to Texas

Safer options seems to me a better route than forcing people into drastic measures, such as trying to get decapitated by a train, but that's just my two cents.

 

[Cress]

Holy shit I was prepared to put my head under a moving train.

SI kicked in and the feeling of having my neck and arms crushed by the moving train felt real.

I couldn't do it.

I fucked up and am responsible for my problems, but Christ I cannot live with what I've done to my health.

I wish I weren't so stupid.

Hey. I've been out to the train tracks many times myself over the years and plan to do exactly what you described as I thought it reduced the risk of failure. However I think the survival instinct is much more stronger as we generally want to protect our throat and neck. I went up to literally the last moment before you jump in front of the train a few times.

Last November my cousin jumped in front of a train and it's been extremely painful. It's especially so because I know a lot of the initial feelings that you get when planning such a suicide and feel like I experienced some amount of the emotions he probably felt just before jumping. He was also a lot like me personality Wise like to be alone in his room on his computer playing games on steam and watching anime. He struggled with mental health for a few years and finally lost.

For what it's worth I'm glad you're still here. If you can't take anymore and need to go it's understandable However at the same time I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of in getting a little bit more out of life. Thank you for the time that you spent on this forum sharing your experiences. My DMS are open if you ever want anyone to talk too. Wishing you nothing but the best take care of yourself.

 

[FuneralCry]

That method sounds terrifying to me personally, I really wish that Nembutal is accessible, it's so cruel to me how people cannot access painless ways to be permanently free from all the suffering existing causes. But anyway best wishes.

 

[PhDone]

It's not even about being dramatic, but rather I'm out of options.

I tried an exit bag with argon that didn't work which left me completely blindsided. I've tried partial hangings, self stabbing and even overdosing on Tylenol pms but nothing works.

My health is deteriorating and its getting to the point I'm worried I'll die in the winter from hypothermia.

Dying doesn't bother me but the cold is unbearable, and i'm afraid of frostbite.

I just want out of my hell I've created. We reap what we sow but God I was not prepared for how bad my life could get.

Pride is my cross I bear and arrogance is my downfall, this I acknowledge. But I can't live with the suffering of having an illness that could have been prevented.

Aw man, I hear you re screwing up your health. I feel like that too. Couldve and shouldve paid more attention and made different decisions. But you know, we're doing our goddam best in life. Not everyone who does the same as we did lands with health out of control. I still feel like I need a way out of this nightmare, and yes I feel like I've utterly f'd up. But I dont believe its all about reaping what we sow. We're not in this isolated bubble where its just us influencing our lives. Our lives interact with everyone and everything in this world. Other people around us influence things, situations around us, circumstances, all sorts of things affect us in our decisions and actions. I guess what I'm saying is, and what I try tell myself, is try and cut yourself some slack. Life is hard as shit. None of us expect to land in a dark alley. We've landed here not just coz of what we did or didnt do. I hope you find some peace and love brother. You are a beautiful soul under your hurt.

 

[mrtime87]

Thanks for the kind words.

 

[Davey36000]

I saw once a woman who died by train.

 

[Xe-]

I saw once a woman who died by train.

Might be rude, but what did she look like? This has been a thoughtful choice of mine on several occasions.

 

[lebrodude]

Might be rude, but what did she look like? This has been a thoughtful choice of mine on several occasions.

Having seen the aftermath of train suicides via the more grisly websites you can find online, not great, I'll tell you that.

If you want your body to be intact after death, this is not the way.

 

[sugarb]

It's not even about being dramatic, but rather I'm out of options.

I tried an exit bag with argon that didn't work which left me completely blindsided. I've tried partial hangings, self stabbing and even overdosing on Tylenol pms but nothing works.

My health is deteriorating and its getting to the point I'm worried I'll die in the winter from hypothermia.

Dying doesn't bother me but the cold is unbearable, and i'm afraid of frostbite.

I just want out of my hell I've created. We reap what we sow but God I was not prepared for how bad my life could get.

Pride is my cross I bear and arrogance is my downfall, this I acknowledge. But I can't live with the suffering of having an illness that could have been prevented.

Just so you're aware-

Prescription drug overdose and anything involving a blade are extremely unlikely to be successful, they're in the absolute bottom tier of lethality and will generally just cause you unnecessary pain. Actual poisons or hard drugs are more effective but still generally less reliable than the top methods (which are iirc 1. gun 2. drowning 3. hanging 4. gas 5. falls, with guns being the most lethal by a very large margin and drowning/hanging being significantly above falls and gas).

I believe partial hanging and gas bags are somewhat inferior to full hanging and tents but don't have a source for that and could be wrong

I hope everything works out :(

 

[mrtime87]

Just so you're aware-

Prescription drug overdose and anything involving a blade are extremely unlikely to be successful, they're in the absolute bottom tier of lethality and will generally just cause you unnecessary pain. Actual poisons or hard drugs are more effective but still generally less reliable than the top methods (which are iirc 1. gun 2. drowning 3. hanging 4. gas 5. falls, with guns being the most lethal by a very large margin and drowning/hanging being significantly above falls and gas).

I believe partial hanging and gas bags are somewhat inferior to full hanging and tents but don't have a source for that and could be wrong

I hope everything works out :(

I'm surprised to see gas below hanging as it would be more peaceful, but I'm guessing this is because hanging is cheaper and easier to set up.

 

[Davey36000]

Might be rude, but what did she look like? This has been a thoughtful choice of mine on several occasions.

It was an old person, 60+ for sure.

There wasn't much blood or anything like that, the body was mostly obscured, could only see the head of the person below the train, intact with eyed closed. The whole train stopped for hours.

Not super common in my country, but it happened. I think it's more common in countries like Japan.

It's not a method I would personally choose tbh, for various reasons (seen a video of someone surviving with the body cut in half; but not sure it was from a car or train accident).

I remember seeing a video of the guy with schizophrenia who created Temple OS. In his later videos he wasn't doing well, was homeless, no medication, using public libraries and getting kicked out by people with no compassion, lonely...

Out of suffering he suicided by train. It was sad tbh.

Seems you have to be suffering really bad to pick such a method.

 

[sugarb]

I'm surprised to see gas below hanging as it would be more peaceful, but I'm guessing this is because hanging is cheaper and easier to set up.

Yep. Also I assume it's much easier to back out of an attempt with gas since you're unzipping a tent or something like that instead of trying to free yourself from a noose

Out of suffering he suicided by train. It was sad tbh.

Seems you have to be suffering really bad to pick such a method.

That was my take, also. Absolute last resort. It's probably one of if not the most difficult method in terms of overcoming SI apart from using a blade of some kind. It's terrifying