fwompie
pit rat
- Aug 9, 2023
- 232
Negative vent
Doing active recovery is harder than just staying where I was at. More than a year ago I first asked for help and here I am... Still nothing. They refuse to treat me without a diagnosis and the waiting list for the diagnostics is 9 months to a year though my psychologist almost promised, or at least had me believe it wouldn't be longer than three months. I've been going to group therapy two days a week for 6 weeks now and I have 5 more weeks and I'm just not getting anywhere. I don't even know what they want to diagnose me with but I'm "too complex" to treat or get diagnosed by the psychologists office I'm at right now which in my opinion is bullshit.
Just so hopeless. And to be frank, I have this pattern where I cling onto a hope, that if "this" happens or if I "do this" it'll all be okay. And I cling onto the diagnosis too much. So now I'm just hopeless and ao mad at myself for having hope. More surprised every time how much faith I have in the system and how disappointing it continuesly is.
Will say, I am making somewhat progress. It's just too hard to keep going and I'm just so exhausted. I'm so stuck.
It's also all just so goddamn expensive. I have health insurance but it only covers a certain amount and I'm steadily running out of savings which is so anxiety inducing. Yet they're just making me wait and wait like a little piggy bank.
I can't work so I can't move out and I can't get treatment without a diagnosis and I can't work without treatment. And I can't feel good at home yet I can't move out. I'm just so stuck.
Doing active recovery is harder than just staying where I was at. More than a year ago I first asked for help and here I am... Still nothing. They refuse to treat me without a diagnosis and the waiting list for the diagnostics is 9 months to a year though my psychologist almost promised, or at least had me believe it wouldn't be longer than three months. I've been going to group therapy two days a week for 6 weeks now and I have 5 more weeks and I'm just not getting anywhere. I don't even know what they want to diagnose me with but I'm "too complex" to treat or get diagnosed by the psychologists office I'm at right now which in my opinion is bullshit.
Just so hopeless. And to be frank, I have this pattern where I cling onto a hope, that if "this" happens or if I "do this" it'll all be okay. And I cling onto the diagnosis too much. So now I'm just hopeless and ao mad at myself for having hope. More surprised every time how much faith I have in the system and how disappointing it continuesly is.
Will say, I am making somewhat progress. It's just too hard to keep going and I'm just so exhausted. I'm so stuck.
It's also all just so goddamn expensive. I have health insurance but it only covers a certain amount and I'm steadily running out of savings which is so anxiety inducing. Yet they're just making me wait and wait like a little piggy bank.
I can't work so I can't move out and I can't get treatment without a diagnosis and I can't work without treatment. And I can't feel good at home yet I can't move out. I'm just so stuck.
