It's VSED when it's under the medical care, to minimize the discomfort. Just like the surgery to remove ones breast(s) is a mastectomy, but if a person tries to chop off their own breasts with no proper instruments and medication, it's a self-mutilation. I honestly lost track for how long have you been attempting that, but I think for months. I'm honestly starting to suspect that you gain something from this method or talking about your attempts.
It's okay to get help if you want help. You don't need to do stuff to make someone stop you. I'm sort of stunned that no one did, tho.