violetforever is apparently going to try

[violetforever]

i have an internship opportunity i was going to do but then i ignored when they emailed back because im suicidal and stupid. they emailed me again though. i hate myself for second guessing things and then inconveniencing other peoples lives because i cant make my mind up on my own. i cant make decisions when i feel either ok or suicidal because they contradict themselves. unfortunately im thinking ok right now and considering going to the meeting. i might not even get it anyway. i probably wont since im so socially awkward and clueless. its just an internship after all. i dont have actual work experience with the career im studying so if i got it i could see if it improves how i feel about life and school. im just about ready to give up on everything including school (again) and ctb. maybe i should actually try to do normal things like normal people with normal lives instead of staying in my room and daydreaming myself to tears. part of the reason im so fucked up is the isolation that forces me to be around my family that i hate and only wish to get away from. im aware of that. this along with already being in school will get me out of the house more. i dont know how to live a healthy balanced life but maybe im really not too old to try. i feel like im going to wake up tomorrow and regret all of this when i slip back into suicidal thoughts. even right now i barely believe im saying this.

 

[timf]

An internship sound like a good way to get your "toes" in the water. You might find a work environment to be different than a school environment. It can be intimidating to consider big changes. Taking smaller steps can be a useful way to manage things.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Hey! It's you again! I replied to your other thread. I remember it being philosophical, about our nature to deny survivability and just accept death.

I'm not here to lecture you or some shit. For all I know, you might be older and more seasoned than me but there is no such thing as a good and balanced life. If there is, it's different for each people because all have different routines, come from different backgrounds, and have vastly different challenges. Take it with a grain of salt but I found that living well just means adjusting. It's never about being on a straight line because as I've had it, our lives are not linear. So many ups and downs. What matters is what we do about them in the way that we can.

About that internship, good luck, Violet. Social awkwardness and anxiety aren't going to be that big of an issue if yhe position you're applying for requires you to work in the back office. It's manageable because you'll be seeing the same set of people everyday, unlike front desk jobs where you meet diverse clients who can be unpredictable.

Yeah. You're trying and I'm so happy to hear that. Welcome to the rat race, Violet! I myself am still unemployed at the moment and are hoping to find a job soon. In all honesty, it's fucking me up mentally too nowadays but that's just life I guess :/