Discussion Victims of Sexual Assault: How has it affected your sex life in terms of any kinks or new tastes?

[DepressedEgg]

This thread is a followup to a previous one I made about my own experience (which I wouldn't call SA but was a very influential part of my life and sexual development). I keep stumbling across video essays about online groomers and such, and it seems like female influencers being pedos is a rising trend, and I can't help but wish I could have just been groomed or something. I don't know, I think in my head I'm weighing up pros and cons and thinking, "Well I already have sexual trauma, wouldn't it have at least been nice to have someone older to care for me alongside the sexual stuff." Which is dumb, I know, but that's just the sort of self-destructive mindset I've developed because of my past.

So I'm curious how other people have been shaped by their experiences. For instance, a lot of victims of SA that I know developed non-con kinks (me included) and got kinks that directly line up with the type of abuse they suffered. And I'm wondering how shared that is as an experience.

 

[winamp]

sexual repression

I completely reject sexual thoughts and feelings and feel as if they are wrong and are not thoughts of my own
I was already that way due to my religious upbringing but I am now realizing that in combination with being sexually harassed made it worse

and I do not feel the need to have sex at all and never have although I still feel those feelings and I still find anything and everything sexual to be either embarrassing or uncomfortable although I thought that since I am 20 now I would okay with sexual topics or content or anything passively sexual or explicit but I think it's even worse now (I even struggled with considering even putting the words "sex" or "sexually" in this response or wanting to answer this question lol) but I am trying my best since sexual content is unavoidable now

it's so strange I've never thought about it until now sorry for the long response/answer

 

[DepressedEgg]

it's so strange I've never thought about it until now sorry for the long response/answer

No need to apologise, I'd rather a long answer than a vague one. I think it is interesting how people always seem to fall into either repression or expulsion in response to trauma based on how they were raised. Sorry to hear that you struggle with that.
Nice pfp, by the way

 

[Parasitic]

Complete opposite of anything even remotely sexual, the whole idea makes me feels sick. I hate people around people who constantly make sexual jokes because its just something I can't get into. I also have run into people commenting on someones looks like "damn look at her rack" and seriously questioning on why they even care and a whole lot more, I have never been able to get into that "lads chat" about women because I truly don't have an interest which then has lead to years of people saying "Oh your just a closeted gay, its okay I won't tell anyone" (I'm not, as far as im aware the closest thing I am is asexual which is from abuse not born like or choice). Whenever I see intimacy I try to get myself out that situation as quick as possible because it seriously bothers me (I don't feel anything negative until anything more than a hug). I also HATE being touched by ANYONE and people turn it into a game to try to annoy me for a reaction but all it does is destroy me inside. That all being said I guess I can understand why people would form new kinks in some sort of trauma response but its not for me

 

[DepressedEgg]

Complete opposite of anything even remotely sexual...

Yeah I hate stupid misogynist men but luckily I'm not friends with any or anything. So I wound up with all the cool queer folk instead, which might have something to do with my more accepting and less rejecting response. But idk I'm not an expert and don't know the context of ur life

 

[inkyabyss]

It's confusing and complicated. Id say I'm hyper sexual but I can't help it. It's embarrassing to admit but I look at porn almost everyday, not even to masterbate too or anything, just watch it. I get a lot of violent sexual thoughts which I have no control over and I sometimes think that maybe I deserve these things to happen. Mostly online im hyper sexual but irl Im not sexual at all. In fact I get extremely disgusted when someone I trust thinks of me in a sexual way which is weird considering a lot of the time I use my body online to get attention when I'm bored. And I know that's bad considering my age but I'm lonely and it works in getting people to talk to me and it makes me feel wanted in some way.

 

[Parasitic]

Yeah I hate stupid misogynist men but luckily I'm not friends with any or anything. So I wound up with all the cool queer folk instead, which might have something to do with my more accepting and less rejecting response. But idk I'm not an expert and don't know the context of ur life

Yeah your not wrong on that one, few occasions I find myself seriously questioning on how some of them can they the things they do (even more so in the ex workplace). I went off on my own and avoided everyone, maybe I should integrate with queer folk. I've said it a few times but the only place I've felt accepted is here.

 

[DepressedEgg]

It's confusing and complicated. Id say I'm hyper sexual but I can't help it. It's embarrassing to admit but I look at porn almost everyday, not even to masterbate too or anything, just watch it. I get a lot of violent sexual thoughts which I have no control over and I sometimes think that maybe I deserve these things to happen. Mostly online im hyper sexual but irl Im not sexual at all. In fact I get extremely disgusted when someone I trust thinks of me in a sexual way which is weird considering a lot of the time I use my body online to get attention when I'm bored. And I know that's bad considering my age but I'm lonely and it works in getting people to talk to me and it makes me feel wanted in some way.

I know that exact feeling. As a guy I can't really use my body to get attention but I've developed this habit of picking up more and more extreme kinks based on online partners so I can use sex to get attention and kill time.

Yeah your not wrong on that one, few occasions I find myself seriously questioning on how some of them can they the things they do (even more so in the ex workplace). I went off on my own and avoided everyone, maybe I should integrate with queer folk. I've said it a few times but the only place I've felt accepted is here.

I definitely prefer my friends to cishet people but then that's just because I hate the general public and can't stand anyone that's not from a minority or niche culture of some sort.

 

[winamp]

No need to apologise, I'd rather a long answer than a vague one. I think it is interesting how people always seem to fall into either repression or expulsion in response to trauma based on how they were raised. Sorry to hear that you struggle with that.
Nice pfp, by the way

(thank you <3 its jet girl from the comic tank girl by the artist for the gorillaz I forgot his name)

+ I thought about the question more and in terms of kinks the last person I was friends with was quite weird when I opened up to them about the repression I don't know why but if you open up to someone about that they either

1. think its "hot" and start having some kind of corruption fantasy in their head it's strange to me I don't understand

2. assume you're some kind of freak or sexual deviant or a closeted kinkster because I've encountered people who think that religious people specifically women are easy or desperate

3. they think about wanting to take advantage of you

4. they see you or think of you as too sensitive

but that's just from my personal experiences and some things I've overheard